


Nothing But A Memory

by Caffinate_me



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Complete, Doctor Ava, F/F, Military Sara, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, mentioned character deaths, multi-chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 60,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffinate_me/pseuds/Caffinate_me
Summary: Running as far as possible from her former life, Ava Sharpe gave up her career as a big city trauma surgeon in Star City to become a small-town doctor in rural Americana. Life is different but not so bad, the house she’s staying in is another story. When the town’s former wild child Sara Lance shows up on her doorstep out of the blue, her life will never be the same. But maybe what they both need to heal is each other. Inspired by the song The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert. Avalance AU. Multi-chapter.I do not claim any ownership of or rights to Legends, the characters, or the song. I would just like to borrow them for a bit.
Relationships: Nora Darhk/Ray Palmer, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe
Comments: 458
Kudos: 961





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Welcome to my first Legends of Tomorrow fic, I hope I do it justice. My other works for other fandoms can be found on FFNet (link in my profile). This is definitely AU but I hope you enjoy and decide to stick around. It will be pretty long, but I plan to post weekly on Mondays. The first few chapters are ready to go. Thank you, as always to my betas (Mandy, KC & Dia)- you all are a blessing. Anyway- enjoy!

Nothing but a Memory 

I know they say you can't go home again.

I just had to come back one last time.

Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.

But these hand prints on the front steps are mine.

Up those stairs, in that little back bedroom

Is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.

And I bet you didn't know, under that live oak

My favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it

This brokenness inside me might start healing.

Out here it's like I'm someone else,

I thought that maybe I could find myself

If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.

Won't take nothing but a memory

From the house that built me.

  * The House that Built Me, Miranda Lambert



Chapter 1

The damn kitchen faucet was still dripping. It had been months and Ava had tried everything short of replacing the whole damn thing to fix it. And then, on top of that, the tap in the second bathroom wouldn’t turn on at all. With the way the whole house creaked and swayed when it stormed, she swore the entire place was one strong gust of wind away from falling apart. Literally.

Ava let out a frustrated growl as she sank down on the crooked front steps of the house, her head falling into the palms of her hands. There were times- times like these specifically- when she couldn’t help but think that the whole endeavor had been a mistake. What sane person just sold all their belongings, packed a car, and up and left the only city they had lived in their whole life to move to the middle of nowhere? Her head dropped to rest on her bent knees, lolling to the side and she found herself staring at the little faded red handprints on the splintered wood. She hated those damn handprints, they reminded her of… she shook her head. No, not thinking about it. She really just needed to buy a can of paint and cover them up. Mary had told her she could do whatever she wanted with the place.

 _“Yeah, it’s perfectly fine! You can stay here for free. Think of it as part of your incentives package. And if you get the urge to fix it up along the way, go for it. This place is longing for a little love.”_ The memory of the town Mayor’s words rang in her ear. What had she been thinking- taking on the job of town doctor in BFE America? Actually, no, calling it BFE was being too kind. This place was _beyond_ beyond fucking everything. Starling Falls was the end of the fucking earth. A far cry from Star City and its everyday chaos. This place had absolutely no chaos. At all. The most exciting thing that had happened in the six months she had been there was that rooster wandering into her exam room. But she couldn’t go back, and if she broke her year commitment to the Rural Doctor’s Initiative, she couldn’t go forward. So, she was stuck in Starling Falls hell, in a house that was falling apart, with tiny blood red handprints on the front steps like something out of a Stephen King novel.

At least it wasn’t Maine.

The job itself was too bad, though. Rural medicine wasn’t what she had expected, in fact she hadn’t known what to expect. It was a different world from being an inner-city trauma surgeon, but that was the point, wasn’t it? To be away from all that. The stress, the trauma, the endless nights spent with a glass of whiskey in her hand trying to forget the look of…

Ava shook her head again. Within six months she had delivered two babies, diagnosed every virus possible- and caught almost as many- convinced four families that vaccines would not, in fact, harm their children, and sutured way too many lacerations from farming accidents. And then there had been Thomas Levy who had gotten a beer can stuck in a very unfortunate orifice. On a dare, or so he had said. It was different, a little boring, but not bad.

This house on the other hand—this house was terrible. She should suck it up and tell Mary that she needed a different place. Housing had been part of the contract when she signed on. She hadn’t been expecting four-star accommodations, but this place could barely pass at one. In fact, she was pretty sure the family of squirrels in the attic had just eaten whatever was left of that star for breakfast. She didn’t know how long it had been empty before she had moved in. According to the Mayor, a prominent family in the community had lived there years before- the town sheriff, his wife, and two daughters. She could see it- the house had been nice once. No one was keen to talk about what had happened. From what Ava could gather there had been some sort of accident. Both parents and the older daughter had died and the younger daughter, well, the looks on people’s faces when she came up in conversation said all Ava needed to know. The girl had disappeared right after the accident, not even bothering to attend the funeral according to Mary, and with the estate left unsettled it had been decided for the property to fall to the care of the mayor.

Ava sighed, her hands shifting up from where they had been pressed into her eyes to run her fingers through her long mane of blonde hair, blunt finger tips scratching at her scalp as they went. She had to get up. She needed a shower, and to put on clothes that weren’t covered in sweat and grease, and she needed to make her weekly round of house calls. She did that now, made house calls. And she also knew she had to leave Mrs. Kreski for last since she would insist Ava stay for dinner.

She had just braced her hands on the wooden plank behind her to help lever herself up when a voice caught her off guard, causing her to plop back unceremoniously to the splintered step.

“Excuse me.”

Ava’s head snapped up, A woman clad in a worn green army jacket, ripped jeans- not in the fashionable way- and black combat boots hovered at the end of the walkway where the gate used to be, one hand gripping the chipped white railing of the picket fence. Wavy, frizzed blonde hair framed her face and Ava noted the dark smudges under sunken eyes.

“Can I help you?”

She wasn’t a patient, at least not one that Ava had seen before, and by this point she could probably count everyone she had not met in the town on one hand.

“You live here?”

“For the moment,” Ava’s eyes narrowed as one of the combat boots scuffed at the small white pebbles that littered the ground between the pavers. “I have a deal with the mayor.”

Ava wasn’t sure why she had felt the need to add the last part, but the woman just nodded and took a hesitant step closer, hands shoved in her back pockets. “I was wondering if I could have a look around. I won’t touch anything I swear.” She continued quickly when Ava started to shake her head. “I just- I used to live here, and I need to see it again. It’s been a while.”

Ava’s mouth fell open and her eyes darted down to the small red handprints by her hip, the “S.L.” scribbled in the same red paint underneath them.

“Those are mine.”

No. Her luck couldn’t possibly be that bad, Ava thought as she stared at the shadow of a woman standing in front of her, looking a confusing combination of confident and lost. Just what she needed- Sara Lance.

Ava hesitated, her eyes examining the woman in front of her. She wanted to say no. There was no need to have a stranger, especially one who looked like she had woken up with a bottle of booze in her hand wandering around her house. But technically it wasn’t hers, was it? It was Sara’s, and she was just living there. Squatting? Was she technically a squatter? Ava ran her hands through her hair again, giving her head a mental shake. She did not need to be spiraling down that rabbit hole, especially now.

Sara scuffed the sole of her boot on the gravel again at Ava’s lack of a reply and reached into the pocket of her jacket, pulling out a blunt and a lighter.

“What are you doing?”

Sara shrugged, bringing the joint to her lips and lighting it. “Waiting.”

“That’s illegal, you know.”

“If we desire respect for the law, we must first make the law respectable.” Sara drawled through a cloud of smoke and Ava coughed as she startled at the reply.

“Fine,” she said, against her better judgement, waving one hand to clear the air in front of her face. She stood, adjusting her clothes in a failing attempt to regain any amount of composure. The faster she did this, the faster Sara could be on her way back to whatever hovel she had crawled out of. “Come on. But you’re leaving that here.”

She pointed at the joint, eyes narrow, and Sara just shrugged, taking one more drag before leaving it smoldering on the porch railing.

“Aren’t you going to ask me who I am?”

“No need.”

“Ah, so word has gotten around I see.” Sara replied and Ava looked back over her shoulder in time to see a cocky smirk. “All good things, I hope. I take it Mary is still Mayor?” Sara continued, unfazed as she glanced around the porch, walking backward at a lazy pace with her hands jammed in her pockets. She glanced over just in time to catch Ava’s inquisitive look. Sara shrugged again, the smirk still playing at her lips as she turned to face the front door. “Some things never change.”

Ava opened the door and stepped inside, holding it open wide in a silent invitation for Sara to follow. The mood shifted as Sara stepped over the threshold, the smirk falling into a frown and Ava hovered behind her as she turned the corner into the living room. The house was sparsely furnished at best. A sagging floral couch in the living room sat facing an oversized television. The stand of the lamp in the corner swayed in the force of the breeze from the fan. The wooden floor was warped in places from years of humid stagnant air.

“I haven’t had any time to decorate. There was no furniture when I moved in, so I just bought what I needed second hand. It’s just temporary so…” Ava trailed off in her rambling when she noticed there was no one beside her. Turning in the middle of the room she found Sara rooted in the same spot by the front door. “You okay?”

The other woman’s eyes trailed along the ceiling, and Ava lifted hers to follow suit, taking in the series of cracks that spider webbed across the plaster, interrupted by the occasional water stain. Damn bathroom sinks. When her eyes finally flitted back down the space in front of the doorway was empty. Ava heard a floorboard squeak in the kitchen and hurried around the corner in pursuit of her mostly unwelcome guest.

Sara’s fingers fidgeted as she wandered through the space, touching things. They trailed along the counter top, tapping a random magnet on the refrigerator door. Finger nails tapped a staccato beat along the metal lip of the sink. The kitchen was probably the best kept room in the house. The worn Formica countertops were lined with shining new small appliances and random products of everyday use. Sara’s hand trailed over the pile of fruit in the fruit bowl and Ava rolled her eyes as the other woman grabbed an apple and started tossing it idly from hand to hand, but still managed to note a small hitch in the other woman’s gait.

Ava managed to quell her petty side and stopped herself from reaching out and snatching the apple back midair. The smaller woman looked like she could use some nutrition anyway. Ava turned her attention to studying Sara’s face as the other woman turned the corner at the other end of the galley style kitchen and headed back to the living room and up the stairs. Her expression was passive for the most part, save for a small furrowing of her brow and pinch of her lips. Ava followed her up the stairs, hesitating for a couple beats on the bottom step so as not to crowd her on the way up.

Sara hesitated at the first door on the left, the apple stilling its relentless round trip from palm to palm, and she lifted shaking fingers to the faded scattering of stickers on the door. Her hand stopped a millimeter away from contact and pulled back as if it had been burned. She glanced back at Ava who was hovering at the top of the staircase and Ava could have sworn she saw a flash of emotion in the other woman’s eyes. Not anger, not quite sadness. Guilt?

Sara turned away again and continued down the hallway to the little bedroom in the back, the one Ava had intended on turning into an office eventually, if she ended up staying anyway. Sara pushed open the door and the stench of stagnant house permeated stronger than it had in the other rooms since it hadn’t been opened in months. Ava grimaced at the smell but leaned against the doorway watching with her arms crossed over her chest. The corner of Sara’s lips quirked up as she walked through the space and took in the room. There was nothing special about it. Currently, it was bare, with worn wooden floor boards that creaked and pale pink walls. Then it dawned on her- this had been Sara’s room.

Sara finished a full turn around the small room before pausing at the closet. She pulled open the door and crouched down, feeling around under one of the wooden shelves. With a quiet exclamation of triumph, she pulled out a small, flat metal box and brushed her fingers over the top, dusting it off.

Spinning around Sara pocketed the box and looked up at Ava. “Thanks for the tour down memory lane.”

With another smirk, she shot off a two-fingered salute and brushed past Ava back into the hall and jogged down the stairs and out the front door.

Ava rushed down the stairs as the front door slammed shut and yanked it open, running out onto the front porch in time to see Sara’s slim form rounding the corner down the block out of sight and seemingly out of her life.

“What the hell was that?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. Wow, I am completely blown away to the response to this story already! Thank you all so much for the encouragement. I decided to post an extra chapter for you all this week, and then I will return to my planned Monday postings with chapter 3 next week. Once again, thank you for the kind response- you know how to make a girl feel welcome, and I hope you continue to enjoy!

Chapter 2

Sara’s knuckles blanched white as she gripped the steering wheel of her car. She had done it. She had gone back; she had seen the house. She had walked through the doorway and she hadn’t lost it. No fainting, no panic attacks, no hysterical breakdowns. The woman hovering six feet behind her at all times had helped. She wasn’t going to break down in front of a complete stranger, especially one who was friends with Mary. Chances are she had been on the phone with her five seconds after Sara had fled the house, and the gossip mill was already up and running at full force. She gave it two hours before the entire town knew she was back. But she wouldn’t be here in two hours, she would be long gone, nothing but a memory to this town once again.

With a resolute nod of her head she peeled her fingers from the steering wheel one by one, and flexed her knuckles, helping return the flow of blood to her fingertips. She was here, she had done it, she had said goodbye. She could leave now. Shaking fingers fumbled for the key, gripping it a little too tight between two fingers. It took three tries to slot it into the ignition, and she let out a breath as she turned it. The engine clicked, and clicked again, let out a series of coughs and fell silent.

“Son of a bitch!” Sara swore, her head falling to the steering wheel. Of course, the damn car had driven cross country twice without a problem but it had to die here, today. “Oh, come on.”

She had to get out of this damn town.

She drew her lower lip between her teeth, chewing lightly as she ran her hands down her face and back up to tangle in her long blonde hair. Maybe Mr. Jackson still ran the auto shop. He had never been one for getting in on town gossip. She could sneak the car in and be on the road by morning. With a quick glance around she hopped out of the car and pulled a beanie down over her hair. It wasn’t cold yet, at least not cold enough for full winter wear but the less people could see of her the better. For better or worse she hadn’t changed that much in fifteen years, well, her face hadn’t at least. Her body was harder, and so was her soul, but her face still had the look of- how had her father put it the last time they had talked- a fallen angel. Sara smirked through the pain of the memory. That’s what she would always be to them- a disappointment.

She trudged around the corner and down the side street that led to the auto shop. It was good to know that at least some things never changed she mused as she came to a stop in front of the shop, which looked exactly the same as it had the last time she had been there, sweet talking Mr. Jackson and his son Jefferson into fixing the brakes on the old clunking Chevy pickup she had driven as a teen.

“Shit.”

And then again, some things never changed and it was a pain in the ass. She glanced down at her watch. Four pm on a Friday and they were already closed. And they were closed on the weekends too. 

“Get with the times, people,” Sara grumbled under her breath and turned back toward her car.

She could try to catch a bus, or maybe hitchhike. She shook her head. All of her stuff was in the trunk.

“Think, Sara,” she mumbled as she felt the telltale tightening in her chest. She couldn’t give in, she needed to figure out her next step.

Sara groaned as the fist around her lungs tightened, her brain fogging, her thoughts caught in the haze. “Dammit, not now.”

She stumbled back to the car and yanked open the door, fumbling blindly with her bag until her fingers landed on the bottle of pills. Popping it open, she downed one dry and leaned back against the seat. She closed her eyes and forced herself to breathe through the panic attack- ten seconds in, ten seconds out. She could do this.

She felt it the moment the Valium flooded her system, chipping away at the anxiety until she was left floating weightless in the driver’s seat of the dilapidated Jeep. She had three choices- she could suck up her pride and make her way down to the motel, which was probably still run by Juliette Price, she could hope the boarding house had a vacancy, or she could sleep in her car for the night. On a sigh, she found the lever and reclined her seat back. It wasn’t the first time and it probably wouldn’t be the last. Her heart rate slowed, the fist in her chest releasing inch by inch as her heart pumped the valium through her blood and as her body became weightless, she drifted off to sleep.

_The ground vibrated as bombs detonated in the distance, closer and closer with every explosion. Sara took a steading breath, her open eye never leaving the scope as the target navigated the street. Another bomb exploded, rattling the crumbling building Sara was perched on, sending chunks of concrete diving to the dusty road below. The target swerved off the sidewalk, and into the road to avoid a food cart. The mob of hungry patrons spilling into the street._

_“Target is in my sights,” she murmured into the earpiece hooked over her left ear, the spiral cord a familiar weight resting against her neck._

_“Canary, target is a go. Fire when ready.”_

_The pop from the silenced rifle couldn’t be heard from the street below, let alone by the target over a mile away, and Sara watched through her scope as the bullet silently hit its mark, dead in the center of his heart. The body crumbling to the ground as people scattered, the street vendor ducking down low behind the counter of his cart._

_“Daddy!” Sara watched through the scope as a young girl, no more than nine ran out of the building and down the steps, her mouth moving with the silent scream that Sara could still hear echoing through the chaos, throwing her body over the prone man in the street. A woman hurried out after her, hoisting the girl up, scrambling back as the girl flailed in her arms, reaching out for her father._

_“Shit.” Sara mumbled, forcing her eyes away, and hastily turned to disassemble the riffle, storing it in the case in a practiced routine. The fist around her lungs tightened as she jogged down the stairs and out the backdoor of the building to the Humvee idling in the ally._ _  
_

_“It’s done.” She gasped the door slamming shut behind her. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”_

_“10-4, little bird.” The response came from the front seat and Sara rolled her eyes as Leo lifted a scuffed silver flask to his lips in the passenger seat._

_“How many times have I told you not to call me that?”_

_“Not enough.” Leo snarked back causing Sara’s face to break into a smile._

_Gunfire erupted in the street seconds later and she ducked low in the back of the Humvee, hand fumbling for the automatic rifle that was always by her side only to come up empty. Bullets rained into the vehicle, glass splintering as the driver swerved, attempting to see the street. Pain shot through her side as a bullet pierced the glass and then they were falling, tumbling._

_The dreadful staccato beat of gunfire continued, louder._

_“Hey, Sara. Sara. Ms. Lance!”_

Sara jerked awake, her heart pounding as she lifted her head, eyes focusing on the frowning figure standing outside the window of her car, rapping on the glass.

“Geez, what?” She snapped, using her foot to push the car door open with a little more force than necessary.

“Did you sleep out here all night?”

Sara rubbed the sleep and remnants of the dream from her eyes with the heels of her hands and looked up, finally focusing on the person who had the audacity to wake her up at, she glanced over at the haze of sunlight just beginning to peek over the horizon, whatever ungodly hour it was in the morning. Her eyes trailed over a perfectly tailored hounds tooth pea coat, the long blonde hair before finally landing on a pair of concerned grey-blue eyes.

“You’re the woman from yesterday,” Sara mumbled, lifting a hand to half cover a yawn.

“Yes, I am. And I repeat, did you sleep out here all night?”

Sara shrugged, rolling her head from side to side to work out the kinks in her neck. She was getting too old for this. The other woman huffed and rolled her eyes motioning for Sara to follow. Slamming the car door shut she considered locking it but just shrugged. It’s not like it was going anywhere and there was nothing inside worth stealing.

“Wait, where are we going?” Sara called, hurrying to catch up as the woman strode away on long legs. And why was she following?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the risk of repeating myself, I continue to be blown away to the response to this story. Thank you to all of you who have read, and to those who have left kudos and reviews. Writing this story and your response has brought a smile to my face during these pretty sucky months of isolation. I hope you continue to enjoy!- Xx

Chapter 3 

“I’m not going in there.”

Ava paused at Sara’s declaration, her hand gripping the worn wooden handle to the bar. She turned around to face the woman who had walked behind her, silent, the whole way through town. Ava noted that she had pulled a pilled black beanie over her head, the shock of blonde hair twisted up underneath it, effective in disguising her from most prying eyes. “Why?”

“Well, let’s see. If I remember correctly, Ray now owns the bar, which Mary- I can deduce based on years of habitual behavior- still frequents every morning between 6:45 and 7:00. She will be sitting at a table near the back of the bar but facing the door to know exactly who comes in, when, with whom, and what they order. Ray is- and I am once again betting this is right- married to Nora, the mutual pining had been off the charts since kindergarten. Ray once asked another girl to borrow a colored pencil and Nora punched her in the face after school. And if Ray is running the bar that means Nate is his business partner. And the old Mr. Pinkerton will be posted up at the end of the bar with a cup of “orange juice.”” Sara lifted her fingers in air quotes. “And, quite frankly, I don’t want to see any of them, so I’m just going to go.”

Sara threw a thumb over her shoulder pointing in the general direction of her car before turning on her heels with another mock salute and that small smirk that was really starting to get on Ava’s nerves.

“So, what?” Ava shot back as she chased the shorter woman back down the street. “You’re just going to hide and starve in your car until you leave town?”

“Yes, that’s the plan. Well, the original plan was to be out of this god forsaken hellhole already, but that clearly did not happen. So, now, yes, the plan is to stay out of sight, hunting the local wildlife, living off the land, and forage whatever crumbs I can find on my floorboards until the auto shop is back open on Monday.”

Ava rolled her eyes at the blatant sarcasm. “You’re insufferable, do you know that?”

“I’ve been called worse,” Sara called back, and Ava stopped in the middle of the road, her hands stuffed in the pockets of her coat, and watched as the other woman trudged away.

Ava hesitated, eyes falling to study her shoes, torn between following the other woman, convincing her to eat something, or turning around, forgetting about Sara Lance, and finally having her morning coffee. Glancing up she puffed out a sigh and turned back toward the bar.

Ava pulled open the door and glanced around. Six months in this town and she was still getting used to eating breakfast with a shelf of booze staring back at her from behind the coffee machine. But apparently the bakery had recently closed, leaving the bar to have the best food in town for any meal, breakfast included. Her eyes wandered around the room, studying every face, curious at the accuracy of Sara’s prediction.

There was a white-haired man seated on the far end of the bar, fist gripping a short tumbler of orange juice. Ray and Nate were in deep conversation, their heads leaning toward each other, arms crossed at the window to the kitchen, Nora rushing past them with a playful glare as she hurried toward a random table carrying hot plates. Finally, her gaze landed at the back of the room where Mary sat facing the door. Mary waved good morning with a concerned frown, tapping her watch in question. Ava furrowed her brow, confused, until she glanced down at her watch and saw that it was ten minutes later than she usually arrived for breakfast. _Son of a bitch, she was right._ Ava thought of Sara as she wandered up to the bar, unbuttoning her coat and pulling her own knit beanie from her head.

“Good morning, Doctor Sharpe.”

Ava looked up at the man smiling at her from across the bar, a pot of coffee in hand and a full steaming cup already being passed across the bar top to her. “Hey, Ray,” Ava greeted him back. “How many times have I asked you to call me Ava?”

“Well, let’s see, you’ve been here for six months now, so I would say one hundred eighty, give or take.” He shot her a patented brilliant smile and slung his towel over his shoulder. “Now, will it be the usual, Doctor Sharpe?”

“Sure, Ray.” Ava agreed with a laugh and a shake of her head.

Ava sat in silence, allowing herself to zone out to the drone of conversations in the background, the cream-colored coffee mug cradled in her hands. Sara Lance. She hadn’t been what Ava expected. Well, the look of being a potential vagrant and the infuriating attitude aside, there had been something hidden in her eyes, underneath the layers of sass, sarcasm, and pain. Something too serious to be the free-spirited wild child with a “fuck the world” edge everyone had described. Then again, trauma had a tendency to do that to people.

“Here you go!” Ray announced, jolting Ava from her musings as a plate slid into place in front of her. 

“Thanks, Ray.” She replied automatically, the next question escaping of its own volition. “Ray- you knew Sara Lance, right?”

“Yeah,” he replied quickly. “I mean, yes, I did. We were in the same class, and in this town that isn’t a big universe. She was one of my best friends.”

He finished his last thought with a soft smile.

“Any idea what happened to her? I’m just curious, considering I’m technically living in her house, if you think she’ll be back.” Ava hedged, hoping Ray wouldn’t somehow read into her true motivation for asking.

“I honestly have no clue. The last thing I remember was from one or two days before the accident. She came bounding into school so excited. She had finally convinced her parents to let her join up.”

“Join up?”

“Oh, um, military. Army, I think. It struck me as odd since she was never one for rules, but all she could talk about ever since I could remember was how she was going to be the one to get out of this town, to see the world, and live the life she wanted out there.” He made a sweeping gesture toward the wall, and Ava couldn’t help but smile. “I guess that was her way out. Do a couple of years and then be free to roam. She was a free spirit, too much personality to contain it all. She was always front and center. I can’t even begin to tell the stories of everything she- and we- got into. Then after.” Ray’s face fell. “I don’t know, I only saw her once, maybe a few hours later, but all of that spark was gone. Not just dimmed, it was like it had never existed at all. I haven’t heard from her since.

“So, no, to answer your question,” Ray concluded, jolting Ava’s mind back to the present for the second time in as many minutes, “I don’t know what happened to her, and I don’t think she’ll ever be back. You know what they say, home is where the heart is, and Sara fell out of love with this place a long time ago. But if it makes you feel better, I remember Mary mentioning something about a clause in the town ordinances. If the deed isn’t claimed by this year, it legally becomes full property of the town and the power of attorney. In this case, Mary. So, unless she miraculously decides to show up in the next week, you shouldn’t be worried about getting kicked out.”

Ray gave her another smile and excused himself to attend to another customer. Ava sat stunned staring at the row of bottles lining the wall across from her. She shouldn’t care. It wasn’t her place to interfere, and quite frankly it didn’t seem like Sara cared at all either. But the house did belong to her, and even if she didn’t want it, she at least deserved to benefit from the proceeds of selling it. And somehow, she doubted Sara Lance had ever read the town ordinances.

Sara groaned as a tap on her window woke her up for the second time that morning.

“What?” She whined, cranking the window down, only to be greeted by a cardboard coffee cup shoved in her face.

“Here, and I brought you some pastries too.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? I didn’t ask for this.” Sara groused, once again rubbing sleep from her eye with one fist as she gripped the coffee in the other.

“It’s called being a nice person, you should try it sometime.” The woman retorted, pinching the bridge of her nose. It was still too early for this. “Anyway, I also brought you this. I highlighted the section I think you should look at- in case you weren’t already aware. I know you hate this town and don’t want to be near it, but you have the right to know in any case.”

With that the woman turned and walked away without a second glance and Sara was left sitting silent in the hunk of metal she called a car, the bag of pastries on her lap, and a stack of pages and a cup of coffee in either hand. Blinking she squirmed in her seat, her bladder calling out to be emptied. Ignoring it she took a swig of the coffee, grimacing at the overbearing sweetness of it. It was the thought that counted anyway. Placing the cup in the console and the pastry bag teetering precariously on the stack of bags, clothes and random papers in the passenger seat, she flipped through the booklet of pages to the highlighted section. She read it once, then read it again brow furrowed in concentration as she attempted to make sure she was deciphering the legalese properly.

“Shit.” She mumbled after her fifth read through, her head leaning back to rest on the seat, one leg bent up to rest on the door. She had really fucked everything up. She pressed her fingers to her eyes, shaking the fog from her brain one more time before running her hand back through her hair, fingers massaging her scalp as they went. Maybe it was time to grow up.

“Do you have a minute?”

Ava looked up at the question. She had just sent Mr. Stein on his way with a stack of educational materials for his daughter, after a very enthusiastic hour-long conversation about the young woman’s newly realized pregnancy. The older gentleman’s excitement about his new title of Grandpa, while endearing, had left her exhausted and she was about to close up the office for the day. She allowed herself to work until noon on Saturdays, but forced herself not to stay one minute later unless there was an emergency. She sighed, and this was going to be an emergency.

Sara Lance stood shifting from foot to foot in the doorway to her office.

“Yeah, just give me a second to flip the sign and lock up.” Ava said approaching the door, and Sara stepped to the side enabling her to pass.

“Okay. Do you have a bathroom I could use?”

Ava shouted an affirmative over her shoulder and gestured vaguely down the hall of the office. She flipped the sign to “Closed” and double-checked to make sure that the office hours were correct and that the note with her emergency number was still legible. Pushing the door shut, she flipped the lock and made her way back to her office, straightening magazines and scattered toys along the way. By the time she returned Sara was back, hovering by the window, watching the world between the slats of the blinds.

“So, what can I help you with?” Ava prompted when the other woman made no effort to move, or even draw her attention back to the other occupant of the room.

Sara started, jolting in place at the sound of Ava’s voice.

“I, um, just wanted to thank you for this.” She held up a roll of wrinkled pages.

“Yeah, no problem. I thought you should know.” Ava repeated her sentiment from earlier, shoving awkward hands in the pockets of her grey slacks.

“It’s Ava, right? I saw your plaque on the door.” Sara continued, making a slow circle around the room, looking at the random items on the shelves around the room, none of them Ava’s. The few knickknacks littering the space had been left by previous doctors. She hadn’t felt the need to decorate since she wouldn’t be staying long.

“Yeah, Ava Sharpe.” Ava replied after a moment, realizing she had never actually introduced herself to the other woman.

“How did you find this, Ava. Unless you are the type who reads local statutes for fun.” Sara plucked a funny little cube toy from one of the shelves, frowning at it as she fidgeted with the little buttons and levers covering each of its sides before putting it back down.

“Ray Palmer, actually. It came up in a conversation we were having earlier about the house.”

“Makes sense, Ray is the kind who would read town statutes for fun.”

Ava let out a startled laugh, and Sara’s face broke out in the smallest of genuine smiles.

“So, have you decided what you’re going to do yet?”

Sara shrugged, one shoulder lifting under the faded, olive green jacket in a short jerk toward her ear.

“If nothing else,” Ava continued after being met with only silence. “You are the one who should be entitled to the sale money, not Mary and not the town. You deserve at least that much for everything that you’ve gone through.”

“You’re wrong. I don’t deserve anything.”

Ava’s eyes narrowed, her lips pursing as her arms crossed over her chest. “Why? Did you know something was going to happen to them?”

“No!” Sara shot back, head snapping around to glare at the other woman. “Of course not.”

“Did you cause it?”

“No,” Sara replied again, but softer this time, eyes cast down to her shoes, hands jammed back in her pockets.

“Then stop blaming yourself.”

Sara snorted. “Everyone else does.”

“I don’t.” Ava supplied, even if it was small consolation.

“Do you even know what happened?” Sara retorted and Ava barely refrained from rolling her eyes.

“No, not the specifics.”

“Then, no offense, but you don’t count.”

“Ray doesn’t either.” The doctor tried again. 

“What?” That caught Sara’s attention, her eyes jerking toward Ava.

“You may have come up in conversation- don’t worry I didn’t say anything about your being here to anyone,” Ava continued, fending off Sara’s question as she was still taking her first wind up breath. “And when we were talking about you, all he expressed was concern. He doesn’t blame you for anything, he is just worried about what became of his best friend.”

“Okay, well, thanks.” Sara replied after a moment, seemingly ignoring her last statement. “I’ll think about it.”

She turned to leave, trudging back toward the door, and Ava squirmed in her spot, wrestling with her next thought.

“Wait,” Ava called out after a moment, hands wringing. “Where are you staying?”

Sara shrugged, turning to look back at her. “Same place I bunked last night.”

“That’s what I thought. It’s going to be below freezing tonight.”

Sara just shrugged again. “I really wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve slept in worse conditions.”

“Somehow, I don’t doubt it, but I don’t want to be the one to have to explain it to the town when you freeze to death. Come stay at the house.”

With a sigh, Sara stared up at the ceiling before finally letting her chin drop back down. “I can’t.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are amazing, thank you for the feedback. I am so glad you're enjoying this story so far! To my betas- you all are amazing too. Also, to the promo pics that dropped today, you are also truly amazing. Now, on with the story. Xx

Chapter 4

Sara didn’t bother to stop at her car as she hurried through the heart of the town, away from the doctor’s office, away from the prospect of ‘home’. She had half a mind to throw the tube of pages crinkled in her hand in the river. It was stupid. She had been stupid for even considering staying in this godforsaken town. There was no going home again, not for her. Her chest heaved, the cold autumn air burning as it hit her lungs. Not again. She could not do this again. She pulled the bottle of pills out of her pocket, breaking one in half before popping it in her mouth and swallowing it dry. She needed to get out of this damn town before it broke her. Again.

She didn’t even notice where she had wandered until she crossed the threshold of the wrought iron gates. The town cemetery hadn’t changed much over the years, not that anything in the town had. Except that doctor. _Ava._ She shouldn’t have stuck her nose into Sara’s business. Sara could have come and gone without ever being the wiser; drifted on down the road without knowing that the house would have been lost to her within days. Her fist tightened around the roll of papers. Instead here she was, and she had been willing to give in to the idea that she could handle things that even years of therapy- mental and physical- hadn’t been able to fix.

Her feet moved of their own volition, navigating the rows of gravestones, some scattered with bouquets of wilted flowers, with the practiced ease of someone who hadn’t been avoiding this hallowed ground for almost half her life. There were a few more graves, and a few less beer cans littering on the ground. The same two oversized trees shaded the lot, their branches sturdier, the rainbow of leaves a little thicker. She stopped in front of the trio of graves, their plot numbers seared into her memory years before. They were bare, no flowers or signs visitation visible. She crouched down, leaning forward to wipe a smattering of fallen leaves from the middle marker. She stared at the name for- seconds, hours- she couldn’t know. Her fingers reached out, tracing the ridges of the name.

“I’m so sorry. I should have been there.”

Slumping back, she allowed her bottom to fall to the ground with a soft thud, bending her legs to sit with her knees hugged to her chest. She laid her cheek down to pillow on top her bent legs, her eyes slipping shut, the medicine flooding her system, her body overcome with the exhaustion that came with the calm after the storm.

The sun was setting when her eyes opened and focused back on the present. She had been drifting in the haze before sleep, her thoughts caught in a replay of the events leading up to the last time she had been sitting in that exact spot. She levered herself to her feet with only a slight wobble, stomped the feeling back into them, and looked over the graves one more time before turning back toward the gates, popping the other half of the pill into her mouth, and pulling the flask out of her pocket. Fuck it, she would take the bus.

Sara had disappeared from the office without another word, and Ava slumped back down into the wobbly chair behind her desk. She allowed her mind to drift as she stared off into space in the empty office. She tore herself back to the present once the thoughts of Star City crept back into her mind- the apartment she had left behind, all of her belongings blended flawlessly with Devon’s, left on the shelves save for the few necessities and keepsakes she had been able to fit in her car.

She shook her head violently willing the scene away and pressed her fingers to her temples in a futile attempt to stave off the migraine threatening. She stood from the desk, her lips turned down in a scowl and gathered up her jacket and bag.

Ava found the car empty when she passed on her walk home from the market. Not that she cared, she had done her due diligence. Sara was an adult; she was more than capable of making her own decisions.

She forced any lingering thoughts of Star City from her mind when she opened the door to the dilapidated house and set about separating the food in the bags- making three piles, one for the fridge, one for the pantry and one for the meal she would be making that night. She put the perishables away first, before systematically filing dry goods into the pantry. Piling the remaining ingredients on the counter next to the stove, she pegged them with a determined glare- tonight was the night she was finally going to nail that chicken piccata.

Ava wasted away the rest of the afternoon puttering around the house, doing the menial tasks she neglected during the week. The damn bathroom faucet was still dripping, but the ceiling fans and window treatments had been dusted, the pile of laundry that always managed to find a home on the overstuffed chair in her bedroom had been folded, and her sheets were in the dryer. Overall not bad work for a Saturday.

The chicken was sizzling in the pan, mere seconds away from being perfectly golden brown and Ava smiled at it triumphantly as she took a sip of her wine. Cooking had never been a notable skill of hers. Between medical school, residency and crazy hospital hours, her ability to dial her favorite take out places by memory outweighed her ability to actually cook anything that didn’t come flash frozen and vacuum sealed. But, with only one restaurant in town open more than three hours a day, the ability to cook had become a necessity. It had taken six months, and more than one burnt dinner thrown in the garbage, but she was finally getting there.

A muffled thump from the back porch made her smile drop into a frown, and she reached up to twist the burner off. Setting her wine glass on the counter she unwrapped the apron from her waist and padded across the kitchen in her fuzzy socks to the backdoor, the wooden floorboards creaking in an obnoxious symphony. She flicked the switch for the porch light, cursing as it flickered on then out again with a spark and a pop. The house was a damn disaster.

Ava weighed her options. Her cell phone was in her back pocket, the baseball bat was standing in the corner behind the door. Her thumb swiped up the screen and tapped the flashlight before toggling back to hover over the sheriff’s phone number. Then she slowly twisted the lock on the door- the only thing that actually kept the door closed in the colder months- wincing as the deadbolt slipped out of place with a faint click that echoed through the quiet room. Once the door cracked open, she reached for the bat, readying it with one hand while leaping forward, the phone’s flashlight shining from the other.

“Jesus!”

A skittering and thud followed the exclamation and Ava squinted in the darkness, spotting a body sprawled on the wooden floor, half pillowed by an overstuffed duffel bag.

“Will you put that down, you’re blinding me.” The intruder continued to grouse and Ava sighed, lowering the phone a fraction of an inch, the bat still posed midair behind her.

“You’re the one who broke into my house.”

“I didn’t break in, I’m on the porch.”

“Well, you were about to break in.”

“I was about to knock. You know, that thing people do to be polite and announce their arrival instead of breaking into someone’s house? For fuck’s sake.”

Ava took a hesitant step out into the night, the bat falling limply at her side as the disgruntled face finally came into focus, eyes squinting up at her from behind an outstretched palm.

“Ms. Lance?”

“Dr. Sharpe.”

“What are you doing here?”

“That offer to crash still available? I can sleep out here if needed. I’m not picky.” Sara waved a hand around, gesturing at the bare expanse of deck littered with chipped paint and splintered planks of wood.

Ava fell silent for a long moment, using the time to survey the woman sprawled on the ground in front of her- the glassy sheen to her eyes, the hint of a slur in her voice. “Are you drunk?”

“No.” The defensive answer came a second too quick, and Ava’s eyes narrowed, her arms crossing over her chest.

“Okay, possibly.”

“Possibly?” Ava retorted one sculpted eyebrow raised.

“I had a couple sips of this.” Sara confessed on a sigh, holding up the flask gripped in her hand.

Ava huffed again.

“Fine. And half a Valium.”

“Jesus,” Ava muttered, her eyes spinning in the roll she had managed to suppress until then. Shaking her head, she extended her hand, locking it with Sara’s and heaving her off the ground. Sara stooped back down to grab her bag, wobbling, and Ava’s grip tightened keeping her upright. “You’re a menace.”

“And yet there's just something about me, right?” Sara said on a smirk.

Ava rolled her eyes again wanting to deny it as she dragged the other woman across the threshold of the house, all infuriating five foot five inches of her. She wanted to call a cab, shove Sara Lance into it, and send her on her merry way to the next town over. Yet she led her into the kitchen and sat her down at the small table in the corner. She picked up the lead weight of a duffel bag and dragged it into the living room. She paused in her way back to the table, grabbed a glass from the cabinet, and filled it with water. She placed it and two pain killers on the table in front of Sara who was now slumped back in the chair, forehead resting in the palm of her hand. There was too much strength mixed in with the brokenness for her to be nearly as weak as everyone made her out to be.

Yes, there was something about her.

“Yeah, you’re a mess.”

Not that Sara needed to know that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning everyone, as promised here is chapter 5! I hope you all enjoy watching as Sara and Ava start to grow closer and navigate the odd relationship they are developing. You all have been so sweet with your comments and overall positive feedback. Thank you. 
> 
> Also, turning over a new leaf, I made my first ever fan video. Check it out if you're so inclined (https://youtu.be/rKA8GhMca3k).

Chapter 5

Ava frowned at the chicken, now a little darker on the bottom than she would have preferred, but still edible, and placed a piece on each plate. She heaped a pile of vegetables on next and scooped them both up, depositing them on the table, one next to Sara’s now empty glass. The other woman’s nose crinkled when she finally cracked open an eye and Ava tried to ignore it as she dug into her own plate, her glass of wine topped off with a much-needed refill.

“That’s a lot of broccoli.”

“It’s good for you.”

“Of that I am aware, Dr. Sharpe, but it’s still a lot.”

“Well, if you don’t want it you don’t have to eat it.” It was like talking to a five-year-old.

They fell into silence, Ava trying to enjoy the meal she had finally managed to perfect— the third time was the charm—and Sara picking at her chicken, not so much eating as pushing it around her plate.

“You should eat some of that. It’ll help soak up that alcohol.”

The corner of Sara’s mouth quirked up in a wince, and her lips parted like she was about to say something, only to stay silent and raise a bite of chicken on her fork instead.

“I’m not an alcoholic.” The words, which came after another long silence, were so quiet Ava almost missed them.

Ava started to deny her intent behind the comment with a shake of her head, when Sara cut her off. “It’s what you were thinking. Don’t deny it. And after what people have probably told you, I wouldn’t blame you. I’m not exactly a saint. Never have been. I was the rebel, but that was one line I never crossed. I haven’t even had a drink in a year, which is probably why a few swigs from this thing had me sprawled on your porch.”

Sara gestured to the dented silver flask on the table and sighed, her other hand rubbing her temple, fork still entwined in her fingers.

Ava wanted to say something reassuring, extend a supportive olive branch. 

“If it wasn’t a problem, then why did you stop?” The words spilled out and she immediately bit her tongue, only just able to resist the urge to bang her head against the table. She was still working on her bedside manner.

Sara’s face broke into a smile, a huff that could have been mistaken for a laugh escaping her lips. “You don’t pull any punches, do you? I’ve seen too many friends slip down that rabbit hole. I know the signs. I recognized the potential in myself- the spiral. So, I stopped before I could slip too far. Until tonight anyway.”

“Then why carry the flask?” Ava continued, her mouth still one step ahead of her brain. But as Sara continued to humor her interrogation, it seemed they were doing this.

“A reminder? Security blanket? It used to belong to a good friend.”

“And the pills?”

“Prescribed. PTSD is real.”

“Of that I’m well aware.” Ava confessed, lips clamping shut a moment too late. She forced herself to glance up from where her line of sight had fallen to study her empty plate to find Sara surveying her, a new sense of appreciation in her eyes. Like she knew an equally broken soul when she saw one. Ava shifted in her seat, the unwavering ice blue eyes making her uncomfortable. “So, military?”

Sara nodded in confirmation. “Army. Just got out. It was time.”

Ava quirked an eyebrow. There was more to that story, but the wall that Sara Lance had built around herself, was almost visible as it slammed back into place.

“Sara, why are you here?”

“Why are any of us here?” And just like that, the deflection masquerading as playful banter, was back.

“Ms. Lance?” Ava’s hand tightened around her fork. God the woman was infuriating.

“Dr. Sharpe?” Sara replied, her own eyebrow rising in a playful parody of Ava’s a moment before. The standoff dragged out, pushing Ava to teeter on the edge before the other woman finally broke on a sigh, the mask falling away once again. “I don’t know. I know it’s not my home anymore, but it was the only place here I could even think of going. Plus, my car got towed.”

The final statement had Ava pinching the bridge of her nose. Of course, it had been. 

“And I’m guessing you just broke into the impound lot to get your stuff?” Ava gestured to the oversized duffel slumped in the corner.

“Well, it’s not exactly breaking in when it’s just parked behind the sheriff’s station. Not that I wanted Ole Pinky to come out and find me sleeping in the car in the morning. I spent enough time at that station during my misspent youth.”

“Pinkerton retired.”

“Really? I never thought I would see the day that old coot would hang up his deputy hat, well, I guess sheriff’s hat after...”

Ava stayed silent, the unfinished thought left hanging, stifling the air over the table. After a moment, she got up, collecting the dishes and carrying them to the sink, busying herself with rinsing them and stacking them in the dishwasher. She turned, leaning back against the counter, wiping her hands on a dishtowel, the faded red pattern barely visible from use. “There’s a second bed upstairs, first door on your left. You can stay there, unless you prefer the porch.”

“I’ve-“

“Slept weirder places. You’ve said.”

“Thank you.”

The genuine gratitude showing on Sara’s face and echoed in her voice gave Ava pause. The moment she thought she had Sara Lance figured out, she flipped the narrative. 

The other woman stood, pocketed the flask and placed her empty water glass in the dishwasher, her hip grazing Ava’s in the tight space. The breath caught in Ava’s lungs, a zap of electricity flooding her body in a current she hadn’t felt in a long time.

“This place is still yours, you know.” She forced out once the skin on her hip stopped burning and the oxygen returned to her brain.

Sara leaned over picking up the duffel, heaving it over her shoulder with practiced ease, and shot her a sad smile before rounding the corner to the stairs. 

“Maybe. For the next three days, at least. Goodnight, Dr. Sharpe.”

“Goodnight.” Ava replied to the empty space, her voice no more than a whisper as heavy boots clumped up the stairs.

Ava puttered around downstairs, taking extra time to wipe down the counters and table, check the locks on the doors three times, and make herself a cup of tea before heading to bed. The floorboards upstairs had stopped creaking twenty minutes before but she still hesitated giving her spontaneous guest time to fall asleep before heading up to bed herself. Her head was still spinning when she finally crept up the stairs, taking extra care to skip the loose ones. She could hear Devon’s voice, always the voice of reason, in her head telling her how crazy it was to let any stranger, let alone one who was quite possibly unstable stay in her home. But Devon wasn’t there, and Ava was, and so was Sara. And maybe, just maybe this was what the jagged pieces left of her soul, and of Sara’s, needed to heal.

She paused outside the first door at the top of the stairs, listening for any sign that Sara was still awake inside. When she found the crack under the door dark and the space silent, she moved on, turning toward the master bedroom across the hall when the door cracked at the end of the hallway caught her eye. She could have sworn she closed that the other day. She tiptoed down the hall, easing the door to the tiny back bedroom open with her free hand to peer inside. The room was pitch black but Ava could barely make out Sara’s form huddled on the floor, head pillowed on the duffel bag, body blanketed under that faded and patched army jacket.

On a sigh, Ava turned to her room and deposited her tea on her nightstand. After a moment of rummaging, she pulled a spare blanket from the back of the closet and hefted it back to the other room. The temperature was falling fast, and the cold air was already starting to creep in through the cracks of the old house. She unfolded the blanket and laid it over the sleeping woman, taking care not to wake her. Tomorrow they could move the spare bed in there, assuming Sara was still there in the morning. Ava was already learning to expect the unexpected where Sara Lance was involved.

The room was quiet when she slid under the covers, the stillness hanging over the space like a shroud. There was no rustling of trees outside the window, no creaks of old wood. Ava tossed and turned, smushing the pillow under her head with her fists. Giving up on sleeping she reached for her phone on the nightstand and unplugged it in a practiced move and tugged it under the covers, flipping the blanket over her head to keep the chill of the November air off her arms.

She scrolled through her normal rotation of social media before tapping on the little text bubble at the bottom of her screen. Her thumb hovered over the screen for long seconds before she finally clicked on Devon’s name and started typing.

_Hey, I know it’s been a while and you won’t answer this, but I don’t know anyone else who would understand. There’s this person, and she needs help whether she knows it or not. And I’m drawn to her. She reminds me so much of you it scares me. I miss you._

She put the phone back down, and rolled over, not bothering to wait for a reply as she willed sleep to come. It wouldn’t come.

Ava bolted up in bed, her top soaked in sweat, her heart pounding in her chest. She heaved in a breath, closing her eyes as she forced her heart rate to slow. It was just a dream. She forced her eyes back open as the flashes of memory started again. She shifted, swinging her legs out from under the down blanket and over the side of the bed. Leaning forward, her hands braced on the mattress, waiting for the world to level before reaching for the light. She wouldn’t get anymore sleep tonight. She glanced at the clock, 3:34 glaring back at her in red, angry lights. She didn’t know what time she had finally drifted off but she couldn’t have been asleep more than a couple of hours.

Ava stood up from the bed and peeled the sweat-soaked tank top over her head before fishing a new one out of her drawer, pulling it on and wrapping her robe around her body. She ran her hands through her damp hair, wrapping it up in a messy bun as she shoved her feet into her slippers. The house was quiet as she made her way into the hall and down the stairs. Her fingers found the light switch at the bottom of the stairs from memory and she froze when she turned the corner into the kitchen, her eyes landing on the woman slumped at the kitchen table, a tumbler of clear liquid loosely gripped in her other hand.

“Hey.” The word ground out of Ava’s chapped throat. “Couldn’t sleep either, huh?”

Sara lifted two fingers in half a wave. “Welcome to Insomnia, hottest club on the east coast.”

The wry response had Ava’s lips twitching, and she turned to grab the electric kettle from the counter, filling it with water before switching it on and grabbing two mugs from the cabinet.

“Nightmare?” She asked looking over her shoulder at the other woman and Sara placed a single finger on her nose, her head still leaned back against the wall, eyes closed. “Those happen a lot?”

“Every night. You?” Sara shot back one eye cracking open.

Ava’s surprise must have shown on her face because Sara lifted her head from the wall, both crystal blue eyes open, locking with hers. Ava squirmed, the intense gaze making her feel like all of her secrets were about to spill out of her onto the kitchen floor.

“I know the look. Poster child for PTSD, remember? You’re pale, hands shaking. You’ve slept maybe two hours. You hide it well under the makeup and the stoic front, but it’s not the first time.”

“Yeah,” Ava whispered, directing her attention to pouring the boiling water over the tea bags she had placed in the mugs. “Every night.”

Ava slid into the other chair, and passed one mug across the table. Sara gave it a suspicious look before throwing back the remnants of her glass and accepting it.

“Water. Scout’s honor.” She explained, her head falling back against the wall.

“I didn’t ask.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Were you ever actually a scout?”

“Nope. They wouldn’t let me in with the boys and the girls were a bunch of wusses.”

They fell into a comfortable silence and Ava found herself alternating staring at her mug and the enigma seated across from her as they waited for the sun to rise.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! Here it is, Chapter 6. I am loving hearing your theories and comments regarding Sara's and Ava's past. Don't worry all questions will be answered in due time. They have a lot of collective baggage to unpack. As always, thank you for all the kudos, comments, and subscriptions, and to my Betas for their tireless effort. And now, on to chapter 6.

Chapter 6

The rapid-fire knock on the front door jarred Ava out of her morning routine. She finished the knot on her left trainer and stood up from the couch, brushing her hands down her top to straighten it out—a futile attempt to look more together than she knew she did at six thirty in the morning on two hours of sleep. Ava glanced over her shoulder as her hand tightened around the doorknob. Sara had disappeared back upstairs a couple of hours before mumbling something that Ava assumed was about trying to get more sleep, and she hadn’t heard a peep from her since. Ava, on the other hand, had wasted the past couple hours trying her hand at baking- a simple four ingredient bread her mother insisted a child could make. Hers was a brick currently cooling on the counter.

She braced herself, plastering what she hoped could pass as a sincere smile on her face and pulled open the door to reveal the cheery face of the town’s mayor on the other side.

“Mary! Good morning, what can I do for you so early on a Sunday?”

“Good morning, Ava. I am so sorry- I see I caught you as you were about to go on your morning run.”

“Oh no problem at all, what can I do for you?” Ava repeated, angling her body in the doorway to block the view into the house, the door resting against her shoulder.

“It is so chilly out here this morning, I don’t see how you can go running in such thin clothes when it’s this cold.” The other woman rambled on, and Ava managed to keep the smile on her face. “Would it be possible to chat inside?”

Mary peaked over Ava’s shoulder when the younger woman hesitated, her body sandwiched between door and frame.

Ava glanced back as well, and at no sign of life she stepped backward, pulling the door open with her. “Sure, of course. Can I get you something to drink?”

“Coffee would be great,” Mary replied, unwinding her scarf from around her neck as Ava led her into the kitchen. The older woman seated herself at the small kitchen table, in Sara’s chair Ava noted.

Not Sara’s. Ava shook her head. The guest chair. Mary surveyed the table and Ava’s eyes grew wide taking in the two mugs of cold tea. She darted forward, gathering them up and depositing them in the sink with an apologetic smile. “I’m so bad at remembering to do the dishes, they just pile up.”

She busied herself with the coffee pot, sending another smile over her shoulder that she prayed did not look as forced as it felt. “So, what brings you by so early this morning?”

“Oh, just doing my usual rounds. I know you’re an early riser. How’s the house treating you?” Mary’s eyes continued to study the kitchen. Leaning forward in her seat, her neck craned in her attempt to look up the stairs.

“Fine. It’s fine. A couple kinks here and there but nothing a plumber won’t be able to fix.”

“Good. Good.”

“Have you had any strange visitors lately?”

Ava’s shoulders tensed but she shook them out as she turned to lean back against the counter feigning ignorance. “Strange? No, I wouldn’t say I’ve seen anyone strange.” It technically wasn’t a lie. Sara was a conundrum, but she wasn’t strange. “Why do you ask?”

“A car was found last night, abandoned downtown. No one seems to recognize it. Charlie had it towed to the police station. They’re going to run the plates today but I’ve just been asking around to anyone who might have seen anything.”

Ava shook her head slowly. “Nope. I walked past it a couple times, but I haven’t seen anyone driving it.”

Also, not technically a lie.

Mary’s eyes narrowed again, giving Ava a once over, daring her to show a tell she was lying. Ava gave her an easy smile before turning back to the coffee pot, pouring two mugs. Placing one with cream in it in front of Mary, she slipped into her usual seat and lifted her own black coffee to her lips.

The conversation turned to idle chitchat and Ava’s eyes kept finding their way to the clock on the far wall. Minutes ticked by and it was coming up on seven o’clock. Normally she would have returned from her morning run by now and she would be ready to jump in the shower. Ava felt her eyes go wide- the shower. The plumbing was so loud that even a toilet flushing or sink draining would cause the sound of rapids through the pipes.

“Are you okay, Ava? You look a little pale. I hope you’re not getting sick.” Mary’s eyes showed concern, her gaze alternating from Ava to where Ava’s eyes were now focused on the stairs.

“Oh, yes. No, I am fine. I just remembered something pressing I need to do today.” Ava tore her gaze away to look back at the older woman, forcing on another smile.

Mary nodded her head, her head of silver highlighted hair bobbing as she seemingly ignored any hint Ava was giving about having to get on with her day. The older woman opened her mouth to speak again when a floorboard squeaked on the floor above, and Ava shot up from her seat, snatching both coffee mugs off the table. “Refills!” The word came out an octave too high and a decibel too loud. “So, Mary what are your plans for the holidays?” Ava turned her head to project the words up the stairs. The house fell silent and Ava let out the breath she had been holding.

“Oh, the usual. The Fall Festival is coming up next week. You should definitely try to make it. It’s a lot of fun. There’s a bachelor auction and everything.” Mary gave her a knowing look and Ava nodded with wide eyes.

“That does sound like an experience. Well, I hate to cut this short, Mary, but I really do need to get ready to head to the clinic.”

“But it’s Sunday. You’re not coming to church?”

“Not this week, unfortunately. I made some commitments I need to keep.”

“Oh, okay.” The older woman rose from the chair and made a show of winding her scarf around her neck before slowly turning toward the front door. “If you hear anything suspicious please let me or Sheriff Hunter know.”

“Will do, have a great day Mary.”

Ava collapsed back against the door when it closed it behind the other woman, eyes closed and huffed out a long breath.

“Well, that was painful to watch.”

Ava’s eyes popped back open to see Sara’s head peaking around the wall at the top of the stairs, a genuine grin playing at her lips.

“You- oh, man.” Ava began to retort, only to let her head fall back to the door in concession. “That was painful to endure. I technically never lied though.”

“I appreciate it, you not telling her I was here.” Sara continued, rising to her feet and trotting down the stairs on light feet.

Ava nodded, and jerked her head toward the kitchen as she levered herself off the door, indicating that Sara should follow. “Coffee?”

“Please. Just black is fine.”

Ava nodded and pulled a new mug out of the cabinet after placing Mary’s in the sink. “It’s only a matter of time before they figure it out. They are planning to run the plates on your car right now. Assuming the tag is in your name.”

“I know, and it _is_.” Sara shot back. “I am not a complete hooligan- anymore. Besides, Gideon and I have been through a lot together, I would never dishonor her by hiding her identity.”

“Your car’s name is Gideon?”

“Yeah, why? What’s yours?”

“My car doesn’t have a name.”

Sara’s jaw dropped open, her hands coming up to clench at her heart, and plopped into her seat. “You wound me. Every car deserves a respectable name.”

“Like Gideon?”

“Exactly.” 

Ava shook her head as she chuckled and walked over to the table carrying two steaming mugs for the third time that morning. “But seriously.”

“Yeah, I know.” Sara reached into the pocket of her hooded sweatshirt and pulled out the rolled packet of paper Ava had given her the day before, smoothing it out on the table. “So, not a church goer, huh?”

Ava started to call Sara out on the not-so-subtle topic change before shrugging and answering. “Nope, I believe more in science than religion. You?”

“I’ve prayed through too many mortar attacks to be an atheist, but no, not really the organized religion type. But that bachelor auction? I’m telling you, there are some wholesome folk around these parts for sure. _Real_ men.” The teasing lilt was back in Sara’s voice as she lifted the mug to her lips, blowing lightly over the dark rich liquid.

“I’m not really the husband kind either.” Ava raised an eyebrow in a knowing look, her cheeks flushing slightly as Sara’s eyes locked with hers before flickering down to her lips, and back up in response.

“Dr. Sharpe you are full of surprises.”

“You seem to be doing better this morning.” Ava continued, shifting the conversation back away from her.

“Days are easy, nights are hard.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nope. Do you?”

“Nope.”

Silence fell once more between them until Sara stood to take her mug to the sink. “Is it okay if I take a shower? I have a couple things I need to do today and I would rather not look like I have been sleeping in my car for a week when I do them.”

“Yeah, of course. There are some towels in the linen closet.” Ava explained as she stood also, her hands rubbing along her legging clad thighs. “The sink doesn’t work in that bathroom, but as far as I can tell the shower is fine.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I got this.” Sara responded and grabbed a wrench off the windowsill. She twirled it once with a flick of her wrist, throwing Ava a wink. “Gotta earn those merit badges somehow.”

Sara bounded up the stairs with the grace of an elephant and Ava was left shaking her head at the menace of a woman. 

“Just don’t break anything!”

She had been staring at the heavy wooden door for a full minute. Almost the entire town was at the church, so she wasn’t worried about running into anyone unexpected. She could do it, she just needed to reach out, grab the handle, and pull the door open. The tightness flirted in her chest and she willed it away, sucking in a deep breath, counting to ten before allowing it to release. It eased back into oblivion and she reached out with a nod, pulling the door open before she could rethink the move.

The bar was quiet, the only occupant was one older gentleman seated at the small table in the far corner with his back to the door. Sara looked around, her hands shoved in the pockets of her army jacket as she took in the decoration hanging from the ceiling, the pictures that cluttered the walls. It hadn’t changed, and yet it had. Some of the pictures were new she noted as she walked slowly down the wall toward the side of the bar- the little league teams from the past years lined up, smiling boys and girls staring back at her, some of them kids of the friends she had grown up with, she was sure. Her breath caught in her throat when she reached the back and her eyes landed on the small photo at the end of the line, her own smiling sixteen-year-old face staring back at her, Laurel’s arm thrown around one of her shoulders, Ray’s around the other. A huge bonfire blazed behind the group of them. She blinked back the tears as a voice sounded from the kitchen.

“I’ll be right with you!”

Rounding the front of the bar she peered through the window to see the back of a tall dark-haired man leaning over the grill.

“Ray.”

The clank of the metal spatula falling to the floor echoed through the silent room and Sara couldn’t breathe as her friend turned to face her, utter disbelief coloring his face. 

“Sara?”

“Hey, bud.”

“Oh my god.”

He was out the swinging double doors in a blur and his long arms wrapped around her, capturing her in a vise of a hug. The top of her head fit snug under his chin, and her own tears started to fall freely as she felt the wet droplets falling from his eyes into her hair. 

“Oh my god, Sara. I thought you were dead.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Down to the wire but I made it. It's still Monday. Revelations abound in this little chapter. Thank you as always to all of you and to my faithful betas. You are too good to me. Enjoy!

Previously:

_“Ray.”_

_The clank of the metal spatula falling to the floor echoed through the silent room and Sara couldn’t breathe as her friend turned to face her, utter disbelief coloring his face._

_“Sara?”_

_“Hey, bud.”_

_“Oh my god.”_

_He was out the swinging double doors in a blur and his long arms wrapped around her, capturing her in a vise of a hug. The top of her head fit snuggly under his chin, and her own tears started to fall freely as she felt the wet droplets falling from his eyes into her hair._

_“Oh my god, Sara. I thought you were dead.”_

Chapter 7

“Came close a couple times, but I’m still here. I missed you, bud.” Sara pulled back her head dipped low as she wiped at her cheeks and nose with the sleeve of her jacket, before meeting her friend’s eyes with a hesitant smile.

“I’ve missed you too. You just left, Sara. I never got the chance to say goodbye.” Ray stepped back, and Sara could see the hurt behind the pool of tears clouding his eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t handle it. I had to get out, so I bolted. I am sorry Ray. Truly.” Sara followed him, leaning against the bar as he rounded behind it, pulling a bottle of bourbon off the shelf.

He placed a shot glass on the bar and filled it to the brim.

“Oh, I don’t drink anymore,” she started but he picked it up and slammed it back without, wincing as he gagged over the burn in his throat.

“Neither do I, but this reunion seemed to call for it.” He shook his head, a shiver going down his entire body and turned to place the bottle back on the shelf. “It’s fine. You’re back now.”

Sara smiled, affection warming her chest as he dismissed her apology in true Ray Palmer fashion. Ever the happy-go-lucky soul, never one to hold a grudge.

“So, tell me,” Ray continued, mirroring her pose, leaning forward, his forearms on the bar. “Where have you been?”

“Everywhere. I just got in my car and drove. I made it all the way to California, before it was time for me to go to Boot. Since then I got my GED, even went to college. I was in Germany for a while. Did a few tours through Afghanistan and Iraq. Was around Europe for a bit and Africa, back stateside for some more training, then back to the Mideast. Hawaii. Since I got out, I drove cross-country again, seeing the states I missed the first time around, and now here I am, back. Full circle.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“Yeah.” Sara’s gaze fell to her hands grasped together on the counter top, fingers fighting to fidget. “I’m not surprised to see you here. I knew you would end up owning this place one day. I’m guessing you married Nora?”

“Of course, she’s been the love of my life since grade school.”

Sara laughed, fingers swiping at an errant tear. 

“That she has been.”

“We have a son, Bradley.” Ray nodded at the picture on the wall behind the bar, him and Nora posing with a boy around six or seven.

“He looks just like you.”

“Yeah, with his mother’s spirit.”

“Starling Falls beware.”

Ray chuckled, busying himself wiping down the bar with a damp rag. 

“Why did you come back, Sara?”

Sara looked up at him, ready to give a flippant, canned answer until she caught the earnest look in his eyes. She had never been able to lie to Ray. She shrugged, her eyes falling back to her hands, fingers tracing random patterns on the wood. 

“I don’t know. I had to see the house, to say goodbye, then I got stuck. Literally. My car broke down.”

“Ah, so you’re the owner of the mysterious red Jeep.”

“That I am.” Sara confirmed. “But now I’m here, and Dr. Sharpe gave me this. She said you’re the one who tipped her off.” Sara pulled the crinkled roll of town ordinances out of her pocket and placed it on the counter. She had spent the hours between drinking tea with Ava in the middle of the night and creeping down the stairs to eavesdrop on her conversation with Mary, staring at the ceiling of her old room, letting her mind play a clip reel of the past fifteen years, of her childhood, and of that night… She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let go. “I need your help, Ray. If you’re willing. I don’t want to lose my house.”

Ava could tell something was off the minute she stepped out of her office late Sunday morning. She normally wouldn’t be working at all on a Sunday but she had received an urgent message from one of the pregnant women in town. Luckily it had only been Braxton-Hicks because she could not handle delivering a baby on top of everything else.

Sunday service had let out half an hour before but people were still huddled in small groups outside the church which stood across the street from Ava’s office. Normally by now they would have adjourned to brunch or for coffee, especially with how cold the temperature was. A couple of older women walked within earshot, shuffling down the street, arms locked at the elbows and Ava’s eyes widened at the snippet of conversation she overheard.

“I heard she just walked into the bar like no time had passed at all. Been sleeping in her car. I bet she’s a druggy, just here long enough to hit poor Ray up for some cash.”

“Shit.” Ava whispered under her breath and turned toward the bar.

She walked quickly down the street cursing out loud when she saw group of women entering the bar just ahead of her, Mary’s head of silver hair bobbing at the front of the crowd. Ava hurried to the door, swinging it open just in time to hear the older woman’s opening remarks.

“You son of a bitch.” Mary’s voice rang through the space causing all other conversation to die.

Ava froze on the threshold, the door closing on her back, forcing her to step into the silent restaurant.

Sara, who was seated at the bar, swiveled around in her seat to face Mary and the group of middle-aged women. Ray, Nate, and Nora were clustered on the other side the of bar, as if they had all been mid-conversation. A movement caught Ava’s eye and she noticed Nora slipping a stack of paper off the bar, under her apron.

“Aunt Mary!” Sara greeted back with a wide sarcastic smile. “What a surprise.”

Aunt Mary? Ava shot a confused look at Sara and the other woman caught her eye, throwing her a wink before turning her attention back to the mob of women in the middle of the room.

“Sara. What the hell do you think you’re doing just showing back up in town? I thought I made it very clear, the last time we spoke. You didn’t even have the decency to show up to your family’s funeral. And you just took off without a word like they meant nothing. Like none of us did. But that’s the truth, isn’t it? You always cared more about yourself than anyone else. Your friends, your parents. Laurel.”

Sara slid off the stool at that, a flame sparking in her eyes as she stepped toward the other woman, fists clenched. 

“Don’t.” 

The single syllable ground out of Sara’s throat and the three behind the bar exchanged a glance, Ray moving toward the walk-through as if he were readying himself to intervene.

“She was going someplace in this world. She was going to be someone.”

_Unlike you._ The unspoken words hung heavy in the air.

“It wasn’t my fault.” Sara’s knuckles were white, tears pooling in her eyes.

Mary took a step closer to Sara, leaning in, her voice lowering so only Sara could hear her next words. Tears spilled down Sara’s cheeks. The older woman stepped back, her voice rising back up. 

“You’ve ruined enough lives. I’m not going to let you ruin anyone else’s, not in this town. So, whatever it is you want, forget it. Get your things and leave. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

Sara stood frozen in her spot, the second hand of the clock on the wall ticking along, the only sound in the room. Slowly she moved, one foot in front of the other, her eyes fixed straight ahead as she walked toward the door, toward Ava, the crowd parting for her.

“Sara.” The name got caught in Ava’s throat as she stood firm in her spot in the doorway.

“Please move.”

Sara’s eyes were trained on a spot over Ava’s shoulder and Ava stepped to the side, letting the shorter woman pass.

Ava caught Ray’s eye across the room once the door swung shut and the crowd erupted in conversation.

_Go_ , Ray mouthed and Ava turned on the spot, stepping back out into the bright Sunday morning.

Ava didn’t see her on the street. She hurried to the house as quick as she could without running, only to find it silent. A quick search revealed that Sara’s bag was still upstairs, and Ava let out a sigh of relief. At least she hadn’t left. Yet. She changed out of her work pants and boots, into jeans and sneakers before heading out again. The car was still parked behind the sheriff’s station, and Ava wandered down Main Street, silently cursing. She didn’t know the town well enough yet. And she definitely didn’t know where a sad and hurting Sara Lance would hide.

She reached the end of the main stretch of road and was about to turn around when a sign caught her attention out of the corner of her eye.

_Cemetery._

Ava passed through the gate cautiously, making enough noise to let her presence be known, but not enough to be disrespectful. Sara was sitting on the ground facing a row of graves, her knees folded under her chin, the flask twirling in her hands. She didn’t acknowledge Ava as she sat down next to her. Holding out a hand, Ava saw the flask still. After a moment, the weight of it hit her palm.

Silence hung in the air, all of the questions Ava wanted to ask stuck in her throat as she looked at the graves of Quintin, Dinah, and Laurel Lance.

“I went to the funeral.”

The revelation startled Ava but she stayed silent, waiting for the other woman to continue. 

“I stayed in the back, out of sight. I couldn’t bear to see the graves, to face everyone- the tears, the pity- but I was there. I heard all the eulogies, all the heroic stories about my dad, the praises of my mom and Laurel.

“Laurel- she was everything I wasn’t. She was perfect. Never stepped a toe out of line. Homecoming queen, Fall Festival Princess. She volunteered every place she could, had straight A’s without even trying. She had a full-ride scholarship to college. Mary was right, what she said in the bar. It should have been me.”

“She didn’t mean that…”

Sara huffed out a humorless laugh as she swiped at the tears rolling down her face. 

“Yeah, she did. She was there that night. Dad was at work, Laurel was upstairs, I think. She was home for a long weekend, fall break or something. We were in the kitchen- my mom, Mary, and I. Mary was my Dad’s best friend. They grew up together. Laurel’s and my godmother. Mom was making dinner, and we got into a fight about something stupid. I don’t even remember what. I picked up a saucepan and threw it, hit the wall just above the stove. I’m sure you noticed the bad patch job. I remember mom yelling even louder because drywall flew everywhere, ruining dinner. I grabbed my coat and stormed out the door. My mother was screaming at me. I yelled back that I hated her and I wished she were dead. That’s the last words I ever said to her, to any of them.

“I didn’t come home until the next morning, and they were all still in bed. I remember thinking that it was strange that they were sleeping so late, so I ran into Laurel’s room and jumped on her bed to wake her, but she wouldn’t wake up. The leak had happened sometime during the night but the downstairs carbon monoxide detector was broken, and I’m pretty sure Laurel and I had scavenged the batteries out of the upstairs one years before.

“So, I lied to you yesterday because I wonder all the time if it was my fault. What if the pan hitting the wall accidentally knocked something loose in the wall or the stove? It should have been me, not them.”

Ava’s eyes slipped closed, and she reached out, wrapping an arm around Sara’s shoulders. 

“I am so sorry, Sara. It’s not your fault. It was a freak accident.”

“But I-“

“Need to let go of that guilt. If they were the people you say, they wouldn’t want you punishing yourself either.”

“I am so sorry.” Sara whispered one more time, and leaned heavy into Ava’s shoulder.

They sat in silence, the only sound that of the cold breeze ruffling the leaves littering the ground, until the cold started to seep into their bones. Ava shifted, her body stiff with cold. Sara turned to look up at her, ears and nose bright red to match her red puffy eyes.

“Come on.” Ava said, standing up and holding out a hand to the other woman. “Let’s go home.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow- and I know I am a broken record- but I am blown away by all your kind comments, kudos, etc. I was honestly worried about chapter 7, but you all put all my fears to ease. Thank you so much! I hope you continue to enjoy this little story and it provides at least a little bit of a balm for the craziness we're living in at the moment. Stand strong, everyone.

Chapter 8

They walked side by side down the street in silence, hands shoved in their pockets. They turned up the path to the house pausing at the figure standing on the porch.

“Hey, Sara. Ava.” Nora gave a small wave, her lips pressed in a tight smile.

“Hi Nora,” Ava greeted the dark-haired woman with a soft smile when Sara stayed silent.

“I’m sorry to just drop by but you left this at the bar and Ray and I thought you might need it.” Nora stated, handing the booklet of town ordinances to Sara. The notes Sara had made, scribbled in the margins. “Ray said he’ll be by tomorrow with information about that lawyer. Her office is a couple towns over but it’s not too far. She comes into the bar to eat all the time. She should be able to help.”

“What’s her name again?” Sara spoke up, her voice still soft.

“Zari. I can’t remember her last name.”

“Thanks, Nor.”

“You’re welcome.” Nora paused, her feet shuffling as she battled with her next words. “Don’t listen to what Mary said. She loves you. She’s just angry and sad. Not that it’s an excuse. You’re still welcome here, Sara. We all missed you and we’re happy you’re back.”

Nora stepped toward the shorter blonde, stalling for a moment with her arms open, waiting for permission before engulfing Sara in a tight hug.

“Fight like hell,” Nora whispered in her ear before giving her a quick peck on the cheek and backing away. She nodded to Ava before turning and walking down the path, making her way out the gate and back toward the bar.

Ava turned toward her; hands shoved in the pockets of her peacoat. 

“So, you’re staying.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. For a bit at least. I’m not going to let her win.”

Ava nodded. 

“Then we have some redecorating to do. And I’ll start looking for a place in the morning.”

It took a second for Sara to process the words, and once she did Ava was already up the front steps and through the front door. Sara stepped slowly after her, pausing in the doorway to look around the room. She could still see it. The cream-colored couch and loveseat. The tattered recliner in the corner that her mother loathed but her father refused to get rid of. The piano Laurel had been determined to conquer. The gaming system tucked under the tv she, Ray and Jackson had spent countless hours trying to beat. Photos lining the walls, the fresh flowers her mother always kept on the coffee table. The pile of shoes by the door.

“Do you know what happened to it all?”

“All what?”

“Everything? All of our stuff?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. There may be some stuff up in the attic, or Mary might have a storage unit somewhere. I’m sorry, Sara. It was empty when I got here. Come on, let’s move the bed so at least you’re not sleeping on the floor tonight.”

Sara followed her up the stairs, pausing in the doorway of the front bedroom when Ava went in, the taller woman standing by the full-sized bed with her hands on her hips, assessing it.

“This was Laurel’s room.” Sara started again, unable to keep anything in now that the dam was broken. Ava just nodded in reply with a small smile. The understanding shone in her eyes, and it was almost too much. The last time she had been in this room was when she had found her sister’s body. Sara shook her head, clearing her throat as she forced a foot over the threshold. Walking toward the closet. “It should still be here.”

Her fingers ran along the baseboard, searching until she found the small carving. Two little sets of initials inside the rough etching of a shape.

“What’s that?” Ava asked, crouching down next to her.

“It’s a canary.” Sara replied, and for the first time while thinking about her sister, she smiled. “We had a set of them when we were kids. Laurel loved them. It was my callsign in the Army too. I always knew when trouble was coming. It was just gut-instinct I know, but it was like a sixth sense. One of the guys joked that I was their canary in the coal mine and it just stuck. It’s stupid but part of me felt like it was Laurel looking out for me.”

“Not stupid.”

Sara looked up to find those grey blue eyes staring at her with such intensity that Sara had to look away. Rubbing her hands on her thighs she stood up, breaking the tension with a chuckle. 

“Says the woman who believes in science above all else.”

“Even some scientists believe in miracles.”

“And ghosts?”

“Weirder things have happened.”

“Aliens?”

“Oh, definitely.”

Sara let out a genuine laugh and shook her head, the tension fully leaving her body for the first time all day. Ava smiled back, full and unabashed, and a sense of calm hit Sara like a wave. 

“You know you have a beautiful smile.”

Ava shifted, her head ducking as a red flush crept up her neck coloring her cheeks.

“Um, sorry,” Sara continued, clearing her throat. “We should move this bed.”

“Yeah.”

They worked together propping the mattress and box spring against the wall so they could carry the frame down the hall first, reassembling it in the corner of the back bedroom before returning for the rest of the bed, carrying it piece by piece. Ava stripped the mattress once it was in place, gathering up the bedding to carry down to the washer.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this? The bed takes up most of the room.”

“Yeah, it’s fine. I don’t have much stuff.” Sara sank down on the mattress, giving it a test bounce. “Plus, this is where I belong.”

“Okay, I’m going to put this in the wash, then I’m going to pull out something for dinner. I think there’s some soup left in the freezer, if you’re hungry.” Ava rambled and as if on cue, Sara’s stomach growled, echoing through the room. “I guess that answers that question. I’ll see you downstairs.”

Ava disappeared down the hall, and Sara looked around the room, the bare white walls, the simple slatted blinds in the window where flowing light pink curtains used to hang. She wasn’t the same person she had been fifteen years before, far from it, and it wasn’t the same home she had grown up in. Perhaps the saying wasn’t completely true- maybe you couldn’t go home again, but she might be able to come close.

“This is really good,” Sara praised the meal as she raised another spoonful of steaming soup to her lips, blowing on it gently. Her bones still felt frozen from her vigil in the cemetery, and the whole day in general.

“Thanks. I’m still getting the hang of the whole cooking thing but this soup has always been one of the things I could make without burning.”

Sara’s lips tilted up at Ava’s small joke. 

“What is it?”

“Soup.”

Sara rolled her eyes, settling in a playful glare at the glib response.

“Jerk. I meant what type of soup.”

“A blend of pumpkin and butternut squash, among other things. Some pureed carrots, cauliflower added in. My mom used to make it all the time when I was a kid,” Ava replied, smiling as Sara blanched at the mention of so many vegetables.

“Well, it’s still good.” She mumbled under her breath.

They fell into silence, the sound of their spoons clinking against the sides of the bowls filling the air.

“You can stay, if you want.” The words came out softer than Sara had intended and her eyes flicked up at Ava’s puzzled hum. “You can stay. In the house. It’s big enough, there’s a lot of rooms, and, well, you were here first so I’d feel bad about kicking you out, and you’re a pretty good cook, not that I’m saying you’d have to cook, I just mean… You don’t have to find another place to live. I’m fine with you staying if you’re comfortable with it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Oh, okay. Yeah.”

“Yeah, okay. And it’ll only be temporary anyway. My contract is up in six months, and then I’ll be out of your hair.”

“Oh, you’re not staying?” Sara prayed Ava didn’t hear the disappointment in her voice. She wasn’t allowed to be disappointed.

“No, I mean, I guess I could, but I’m only committed for one year, and by then I guess it’ll be time for me to go home, resume my life. I took a sabbatical from the hospital to do this.” Ava’s voice wavered as she spoke, and Sara’s eyes narrowed as she assessed the other woman- the way she spoke into her bowl of soup, shoulders hunched, defensive.

She debated asking but calling her out wouldn’t get anywhere. 

“Hospital?”

“Yeah, I was- am- a surgeon.”

_Was._

“Wow, that’s amazing. It also explains a lot.”

“What do you mean?” Ava’s head shot up at Sara’ playful dig and Sara gave her a wide grin in return. She could play that game if it’s what it took to get Ava out of her shell.

“Nothing.” She shrugged, the picture of innocence and Ava’s eyes narrowed.

“No, tell me.”

“I mean, it’s nothing bad. You’re just very direct, to the point.”

“Yeah, bedside manner and small talk aren’t my strong suit. My lack of social intelligence makes me unapproachable. Unlikeable.”

“Why am I guessing those aren’t your words as much as someone else’s?”

Ava shrugged, deflating again, and Sara silently cursed her mistake. 

“I may have heard it more than once on performance reviews.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I like the directness.”

“You do?” Ava looked up at her, wide eyed.

“Yeah. There’s something to be said for being strong enough to say what you’re actually thinking instead of sugar coating it. It’s refreshing.” It was the truth. She'd dealt with enough doctors in her life. If she was getting bad news, she didn’t need the pitying looks to go with it.

Ava ducked her head, focusing on the thin layer of soup left in the bottom of her bowl. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. So, first order of business, after I deal with lawyers.” Sara began again, shifting topics away from anything personal. “Furniture.”

“What about it?” Ava asked, looking genuinely confused.

“We need some.”

“There’s a couch, and table. And there’s beds.”

“Yes, and I’ve lived in military housing for a good portion of my life and this is still possibly the saddest looking furnishing I’ve seen.” She had never been one for interior design or anything having to do with decorating, besides hanging Christmas decorations around the barracks in a futile effort to pretend they were not sweltering in the desert heat, but even she could tell it was bad.

“Yeah,” Ava conceded, assessing the sagging couch through the doorway to the living room. “It is pretty rough.”

“And since I have mostly been living out of my car these past few months, I have severance checks burning a hole in my pocket.” Sara looked around the house. She was actually starting to become excited about this. A prospect of home.

Ava stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror later that night, her hands braced on the vanity. There was no sound around other than the soft drip of the faucet and the ticking of her bedside clock. She had driven them to the sheriff’s station after dinner, the two of them working in tandem to transfer Sara’s possessions to the back of her small sedan. It had taken two trips but they had dumped all the boxes, bags, and armfuls of random possessions in a pile in the living room.

“Thanks,” Sara had given her a nod before stepping forward to pick through the pile, gathering up what she wanted to take upstairs. “I’ll go by the repair shop in the morning, see what they can do for G. Goodnight, Ava. Thank you for everything. Truly.”

Ava had watched her trudge up the stairs, a pile of possessions teetering precariously in her arms. The day, hell the last three days had rattled her.

It had only been three days since Sara Lance had blasted into her life like a hurricane.

She looked down at her phone where it lay on the vanity next to her hand. Her fingers twitched with the need to open it, to look at her messages, to send another text. It felt like an addiction. It had become such a familiar action over the five years they had been together. An endless stream of texts and pictures and voice notes- a life raft when they didn’t see each other for days on end due to scheduling. She was the one Ava had talked to about everything.

_Hey, it’s me again, but I guess you know that, right? I just- I don’t even know what to say anymore. I miss you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about everything. I wish you were here. You would know what to do. What to say. How can I be there for someone so broken when I can’t even fix myself?_

She pushed send on the message and slammed the phone face down on the counter top. She turned the knob on the sink with a flick of her wrist and lifted her hands, full of water, to her face, shivering as the blast of freezing water hit her skin. She needed to go to sleep.

Her phone lit up when she plugged it in on her bedside table and Ava froze at the notification on her screen.

_Text alert from Devon Taylor_

Ava fell to the bed, her legs giving out as a startled shout fell from her lips. It wasn’t possible. She grabbed at the phone, taking three tries to put in her code with shaking hands.

_The number you are trying to reach is no longer in service._

The phone was out of her hand before she could think, streaking across the room, smashing into the far wall. The tears fell freely as she collapsed back on the bed, her fingers grasping at her heaving chest. 

It wasn’t possible.

“Ava. Ava.”

She startled awake with a hand on her shoulder and Ava bolted up in bed, her chest pounding, a stream of tears flowing from her eyes.

“Hey, hey, sorry, it’s just me.”

Ava brought a hand up to rub at her eyes and her vision cleared enough to see Sara’s concerned face hovering at the side of the bed. “What happened. What are you doing in here?”

“You were having a nightmare, screaming in your sleep.”

“Sorry.” She rasped, pushing her sweat soaked hair back from her face. “I woke you.”

Sara shook her head, writing off the apology and slowly sank down onto the edge of the bed. 

“I was already awake.”

Ava glanced at the clock. 4:03am. Right on schedule.

“Who’s Devon?”

She barely heard the question over the rush of blood pounding in her ears but it knocked her off balance, her head spinning. 

“What? Why?”

“You screamed their name.” Sara’s blue eyes pierced her even through the dark. She should put on a light but this way she could hide in the dark.

No one. She’s no one. Don’t you dare say her name. The anger bubbled up in her, but the words caught in her throat, and Sara’s hand wrapped around hers, her palm against the back of Ava’s hand and the anger melted away as quickly as it had come. Sara couldn’t know. No one here did. 

“She’s um, she- _was_ \- my fiancé.”

Sara fell silent, her gaze never leaving Ava’s face and Ava wanted to run, to get as far away from the line of questioning as she could. 

“You want to talk about it?”

“No.” She snapped.

Sara looked for a moment like she was going to push, the concern evident in her eyes, but instead she stood from the bed and pulled that same faded, army-green jacket tight around her. 

“I’ll go start the tea.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, anyone else a little salty we have to wait a year for new episodes after that final scene? At least we have fic to warm our hearts, right? I know, I have at least 2 more story ideas to work on after I finish this one. 
> 
> Here it is, chapter 9! I've got to say, this is probably my favorite chapter so far, so if you feel inclined, drop me a note and let me know what you think. I say it time and again but I continue to be blown away by your support and lovely words for this story. It's been a great welcome to the fandom. Now, enjoy!

Chapter 9

Zari Tomaz was something. Sara sat in the chair across the desk, fingers fidgeting with the keys she had borrowed to Ava’s car on a promise that she wouldn’t go a mile over the speed limit, and the seat would be back in the position it had been upon her return. She tried not to stare when Zari, who was lounging back in her chair in a plaid shirt and jeans, her combat boot clad feet propped on the desk, stuffed a whole donut into her mouth. As she read over the ordinances, the lawyer’s face never fell short of complete concentration. A grey tabby cat sat perched in the window to the office, alternating glaring daggers at Sara and anyone who walked past outside. Sara could have sworn she had even heard the cat growl at her when she had sat down.

“Did your parents have a will?” Zari had a droll voice, her tone bordering on bored but her eyes shone with interest, fully focused on Sara, waiting for her answer.

“I’m not sure.” Sara’s fingers fidgeted more, and she willed her body not to wiggle in her seat.

“Any living kin? Brothers, sisters, parents?” Zari continued in the same tone.

“No, they were both only children. Their parents died either before I was born or when I was a kid.” Sara forced her mind to focus on the questions, not on the implications until Zari stated it out loud for her.

“So, you’re it?”

“I guess so.” She exhaled, suddenly exhausted. She was it, the last of the Lance line.

“Okay, should be easy enough. It would be ideal if you could find a will, but if not since you’re the only living relative, the property should fall to you. What was the date of their deaths?”

Sara blanched at the blunt question, the unforgiving formality of Zari’s tone. Her leg jiggled, causing the borrowed keys to jangle as she answered. 

“Um, November 15, 2005.”

Zari jotted it down and glanced over at the calendar. “Literally cutting it down to the wire, aren’t you? No bother, all I have to do is file the initial paperwork before the deadline. I should be able to have it into the court by this afternoon.”

“Thank you for this. For doing this.”

“No problem, it’s literally my job. I’ll be down in Starling tomorrow. I can drop by with the documents for you to sign. Let me know if you can find the will.”

“I will,” Sara replied as she stood, hand outstretched.

Zari stood too, brushing her hand against her jeans, donut dust falling to the floor. She gripped Sara’s hand in her own, and the cat jumped down from the window sill and wound around her legs before sitting by her side and glaring up at Sara with an audible hiss.

“Sorry about Atari, she’s not always the most welcoming to new people.”

“Atari? Like the gaming system?” Sara found she wasn’t surprised at all.

“Yep. Personally, I’m a PlayStation girl but that doesn’t roll off the tongue as well. Anyway, I’ll get to work, and I’ll give you a call if I have any questions.”

Sara walked to the car in a haze, her head falling to the steering wheel the moment the door shut behind her. Seconds ticked by, turning into minutes as she sat, half asleep in the parking lot of the small office building. She was drained- mentally and physically- but she had done it, and she couldn’t help but feel a little bit proud.

Ava was not having a good day. Her brain had been a spiral of thoughts since Sara had woken her up from her nightmare early that morning, and nothing she did seemed to help. She tried to focus on her patients, forcing herself to pay attention to their stories and lists of ailments, replying to polite chatter. But more than once she found herself on the receiving end of a questioning look when she accidently repeated a question or had to have them repeat an answer. By two in the afternoon she found her calendar clear of appointments, and the waiting room empty, and had given up, locked the door and flipped the sign to “Closed.” If there was an emergency, they could call her.

She trudged back to the house, shoulders slumped, one hand rubbing at the back of her neck. She was exhausted. Hell, she had been exhausted for the past eleven months but it seemed she was just starting to acknowledge it, all 346 sleepless nights crashing down on her at once. Sara’s question, hearing Devon’s name spoken out loud after spending so long trying to ignore it, pretending like she had never existed, had broken her like a dam, letting wave after wave of emotion crash in.

Ava noted her car was parked on the street in front of the house, meaning Sara was probably inside. She took a deep breath before pushing the front door open. She toed off her shoes and unwrapped the scarf from around her neck, throwing it over the coat rack before making her way up the stairs, her body aching, her feet moving like weights. She collapsed onto her bed with a sigh, not even bothering to remove her coat. Her eyes slipped shut before she could stop them.

Her body jolted awake, her heart pounding in her chest, tears streaming down her cheeks. Groaning, Ava flipped over, sprawling on her back in the middle of her bed, her hands coming up to swipe away the tears, hot anger flowing through her. Why wouldn’t it just stop? She couldn’t do this anymore.

A thud from above her caught her attention, and she forced herself to sit up, peeling her coat from her body. Her sweater was damp with sweat, and she peeled it off next, throwing it at the pile of laundry in the overflowing basket, before shuffling to the closet for a new one. Another thump rattled her ceiling, followed by some shuffling and a muffled curse, and Ava frowned as she left her room and rounded the stairs to the attic.

“Son of a- this is bullshit!”

The cursing became louder as Ava pushed open the attic door, which was already slightly ajar, and she found herself staring at Sara’s back as the other woman crouched down to rifle through a box. Ava’s eyebrow rose higher with each of the string of expletives that left the other woman’s mouth.

“Fucker. It’s not here.”

“And here I thought sailors were supposed to be the one’s good at cursing.”

“Shit!” Sara jumped at the sound of Ava’s voice, losing her balance, and falling backward on her butt. The shorter blond turned her head, shooting Ava a glare before levering herself back up and dusting off the seat of her jeans. “What’s wrong with you? You don’t sneak up on someone like that.”

Sara glanced up again and her mouth turned immediately into a frown. “Wait, seriously what’s wrong with you? Are you okay?”

Ava could only stare back, her eyes wide remembering too late she hadn’t even bothered to look in a mirror before leaving her room. And judging by the unbridled concern on Sara’s face, she must look at least as bad as she felt. 

“Fine. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” The answer came out too quickly, and Ava sighed as Sara abandoned her search for whatever she had been looking for and walked toward her. Sara leaned up, examining her with a critical eye before grabbing her arm and dragging her back down the stairs.

“Shoes, coat, come on.” She demanded, and pushed Ava toward her own room before ducking into the small back bedroom to get her own gear.

Sara grabbed Ava’s keys off the hook by the front door, and slipped into the driver’s seat of the car, causing Ava to settle for the passenger seat instead.

“You are aware that this is my car, right? And if we’re going somewhere, I should be the one to drive it.”

“You are not in any shape to drive right now. Plus, I know where we’re going and you don’t.” Sara ticked off her two points with the help of her fingers and Ava fell silent as the car started to move down the street. She didn’t even have the energy to argue.

She zoned out as they drove, her eyes staring out the window unfocused, at the blur of green, brown, red and yellow passing by. The car finally ground to a halt, and Ava snapped out of her trance at the sound of the driver-side door slamming shut. Her own door opened as she fumbled for her seatbelt, and she looked up to see Sara standing, her hand on the door frame, waiting patiently for Ava to get out.

“Come on.” Sara prompted, signaling with a wave of her hand for Ava to follow her down a small hiking path.

“Where are we?” Ava asked as she followed the other woman through the woods, her arms wrapped around her own waist.

“The best place in Starling Falls.”

They fell silent as they walked and Ava found herself focused on the path just in front of her feet. She heard the rush of water as they turned the final bend, and she raised her head as Sara slowed in front of her.

Ava’s mouth fell open at the site of the waterfall in front of her, crystal blue water streaming down to the pond below. 

“Wow.”

“Told you.” Sara shot back with a grin as she stepped forward to sit on the edge of the rock, her feet dangling down toward the pool of water. “Everyone goes to the main falls but this was by far my favorite thing about growing up in this town. We came here to play and swim of course, but I would also just come here to think. Mostly at night when there was no one else around.”

Ava took a seat on the rock next to her, mimicking Sara’s actions, her feet swinging freely as they dangled over the edge of the rock. “Thank you for bringing me here, it’s beautiful.”

“It is.”

Silence fell again, but Ava could feel Sara’s eyes on her, even as she forced herself to look everywhere except at the other woman.

“You need to talk about it—whatever is going on. I know it may not seem like it, but I have had a lot of therapy, and it’s helped. Have you talked to anyone at all?”

Ava sighed, her eyes slipping shut as the tears threatened to fall again. 

“No, I haven’t.”

“Ava, you’re a doctor. You know this.”

“I know. I just… I thought I could just ignore it, and it would go away.”

“That is not how PTSD works. How grief works.”

“I know. I know. I just… I am so tired.”

The first tear slipped free and it was like the dam broke all over again.

Sara was silent for a beat, letting her cry.

“Who’s Devon?” Sara asked after a moment, parroting her question from the night before. 

It took everything in Ava not to run. _Don’t make me do this, please._

“Please…”

She wasn’t sure if she’d pleaded it out loud or not. It didn’t matter.

“Ava-”

That was all it took, the complete understanding that Sara implored just by saying the two syllables of her name. She couldn’t keep it in anymore, and her words stumbled through the tears.

“She’s. She was my fiancé. We were together for five years.”

“What happened? Why did you break up?”

“We, um- she- there was an accident. I was working. I was- am- a trauma surgeon. A woman was brought in- car versus jogger. She was so beaten up, and they couldn’t find any identification. I spent hours in that surgery but it didn’t matter, the damage was too severe. They didn’t find her wallet until I was getting ready to go home. I didn’t know it was her…”

“Shit. Ava…”

The words kept spilling out, barely audible over the sound of the falls, but she couldn’t stop. 

“I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t sleep in our bed. I couldn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t step back into an operating room. I used up all my leave time, and then the hospital sent me on a sabbatical. I don’t know why they didn’t just fire me, I’m useless to them. And so, I came here. I thought if I could just get away from everything it would get easier. But it hasn’t. And I know it sounds stupid, but I would call her phone just to hear her voicemail message or send her texts just to tell her what’s going on even though I knew I would never get an answer, but then last night her phone was disconnected, and I just lost it.”

Sara’s arm wrapped around her shoulder, holding her strong as steady as she cried. And she cried until she was numb, her body slumped, her head resting in her hands.

“I am so sorry,” Sara whispered once the sobs had subsided.

“I miss her.”

“What was she like?”

Ava sucked in a breath; her mind falling blank. She hadn’t been asked that question in years, not since her friends had teased her about her dopey grin over drinks, and her parents had questioned her about her new girlfriend over Thanksgiving dinner.

“She’s- was- amazing. So smart and funny. Quick on her feet- impulsive but never without a plan. Outgoing. She’d walk into a room and everyone would feel at ease. It was handy in her line of work. She was a psychiatrist. Ironically.”

“I’m sure she’d have a few words about us.”

“Oh, she definitely would. And they’d probably mostly be four lettered.”

Ava felt herself smiling, and the weight on her chest began to ease. 

“She was the best person I knew. I still have no idea what she saw in me.”

“I have a few ideas.”

Ava sat staring at the water, minutes ticking by, her body slumping further down as it began to relax for the first time in almost a year. She had finally let it out. Her chest felt hollow, but lighter, like she didn’t have to work so hard to breathe anymore. When Ava finally looked over, she found Sara looking back at her with a soft smile, her arm still wrapped securely around Ava’s shoulders. 

“Thank you. For this.”

Sara’s hand stroked up and down her arm before giving her triceps a firm squeeze in reassurance. 

“Don’t thank me yet.”

Sara’s arm fell away and Ava felt the cold of the November afternoon rushing back in. She watched as the shorter woman stood up and stepped back from the edge of the rocks, toeing off her shoes and shrugging off her jacket.

“What are you doing?”

“You mean what are we doing?” Sara reached down and stripped her shirt over her head, before moving to undo her belt, and Ava’s eyes darted away, her cheeks pink, because _holy-_ how was it even possible to have abs that looked like that, and-

“Oh no. Oh no, no, no.”

“Oh yes, yes, yes. Stand up.”

“No!”

“Yes! Now strip or I’m shoving you in fully clothed and you can get hypothermia on the drive back.”

“It’s November. The water is going to be freezing. And I just bared my soul to you.”

“Yes, it is, and that would be the point. Everything you are feeling is valid. Your grief, your pain, your loss. I am not dismissing any of that. You are going through hell. Nothing will ever replace Devon. But this is it. It’s time for you to start living again. You deserve that. So does she. So, stand up, strip down to your undies, and jump into that freezing ass water with me.”

“You are insane.” Ava shook her head in wide-eyed disbelief at the other woman who was standing in nothing but her bra and underwear, already trembling from the cold. But she was already moving to stand up, pulling her knit beanie from her head.

“Quite possibly, but it’s time for us to take our lives back.”

“By getting hypothermia?”

“Can you think of a better option?”

“Yes, at least a dozen.” But her coat was already piled on top of her boots and she sent a silent prayer to heaven before stripping her sweater over her head and shimmying out of her jeans.

“Jesus Christ it’s cold.”

“Yep, and it’s about to get colder.”

Ava had barely straightened back up when Sara grabbed her hand, dragging her to the edge of the rocks. Before she could even form a thought, they were slamming into the icy water below. 

“Holy fucking shit!” Sara spluttered as she broke the surface of the water, immediately swimming toward the shore. “Bad idea, Lance. Bad. Terrible.”

“I can’t feel my legs.” Ava replied, her teeth chattering as she followed in Sara’s wake to the nearest land. She glanced up as they stepped up on the small bank and groaned at the site of the path leading back up to the car- and their clothes. “Worst idea ever.”

“I know. We should totally do it again.”

Ava laughed at the grin Sara shot back over her shoulder. 

“No way in hell.”

Sara’s responding laugh echoed through the woods and Ava shook her head grinning. The woman really was a menace.

They walked in silence up the hill and Ava couldn’t help but notice the scattered scars across the other woman’s back, especially the jagged one that stood out pink and angry near the base of her spine, just above the waistline of her boy shorts, the way her limp was more pronounced after their impromptu ice bath.

“What happened?”

“Hmm?”

“Your back.”

Sara sighed. “That my dear Doctor Sharpe, is a story for another day.”

They fell into comfortable silence as they dressed and hiked the trail back to the car. Ava blasted the heat as Sara drove them back to the house, and they parted ways with a quiet goodnight. Ava fell into bed after indulging in a hot shower, her body limp, eyelids sagging from the overload of emotions and the freezing water. It was way too early for bed but she didn’t care, because for the first time in 346 days, she slept.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short note today- it's late and I'm tired. Thank you SO MUCH for all the kind words for Chapter 9. I will reply to reviews when I am not zombie tired. I appreciate all of you! And I can't believe this story has passed 5,000 hits. I'm blown away. Thank you as always to my betas- you all rock. Now, I hope you enjoy Ch 10!

Chapter 10 

Ava groaned, the obnoxious chime of the doorbell drawing her from the dead of sleep. Running a hand down her cheek, grimacing at the slimy trail of drool coating her fingers. Who would be ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night? Did Sara somehow manage to lock herself out? She really needed to find that extra key.

Ava’s eyes blinked open and she squinted at the blinding light filtering in through the windows.

“What the-?” She questioned, focusing on her clock. 9:32am.

No nightmares. 

A laugh bubbled up through her chest, escaping her lips for a brief moment before the sob caught in her throat. Her eyes watered. She had slept all night and she hadn’t dreamt about Devon.

The doorbell rang again, sending the endless melody of chimes echoing through the house.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Ava heard Sara grouse as the other woman clomped down the stairs from the attic. 

Ava dragged herself out of bed and trudged toward the en suite bathroom. The sunken purple smudges that had become a staple under her eyes had faded and the lines running down her face that had aged her well past her thirty-five years had disappeared. Wrapping a robe around her body, she shuffled in slipper-clad feet to the door and made her way down the stairs. She could hear two voices coming from the kitchen and rounded the corner to find an unfamiliar, dark-haired woman sitting, perfectly at home at the kitchen table, a box of donuts open in front of her.

“Ava, hey!” Sara greeted with a brilliant smile. “I thought you had already left for work or something.”

“No, I was asleep.” She could hear the confusion in her own voice and Sara’s smile only widened in response.

“This is Zari Tomaz, my lawyer.”

Zari gave Ava a wave with one hand as she chewed, the other holding the donut she had just taken a massive bite out of.

“Ava is my- roommate?” Sara stated, turning to Ava with a questioning look. 

Ava responded with a shrug and nod of her head, before turning back to find Zari looking between them with a curious expression. 

“Nice to meet you, Zari.” Ava continued, ignoring the other woman’s silent questions. “I’m going to make some coffee. Either of you want some?” 

“No thanks, I’m good.” Sara responded, sliding into the free chair at the table, and pulling a stack of papers and a pen in front of her. “And a pot is already brewed. Just be careful, it’s army strength.” 

Ava gave a quick thanks before busying herself with her coffee and scrounging for breakfast, doing her best not to eavesdrop on the conversation happening mere feet away. 

“Yeah, just sign there and initial there. Perfect. Did you find the will?” 

“Oh yeah, luckily it was in one of the boxes in the attic. Here you go.” 

Ava turned back around in time to see Zari stuff the rest of the donut into her mouth, immediately reaching for another, while she read over the pages in her hand. Ava shook her head, forcing herself not to stare and walked back toward the doorway, coffee mug clutched in her hand.

“I’m going to head to the clinic.” She said to Sara as she passed, and the younger woman lifted her head to give her a quick smile and nod before turning back to what she was reading.

Ava trudged back up the stairs and placed the steaming mug of coffee on her nightstand before sinking down onto the edge of her bed. She zoned out, staring at a chip in the wood floor, her anxiety spiraling higher and higher until a soft knock on the doorframe broke her from her thoughts, and a blanket of calm covered her when she looked up to find Sara looking back at her with a curious smile. 

“Hey,” Sara greeted from where she was leaning against the wall. “I thought you were going to work.” 

“I was- _am_. I just got distracted.”

Sara hummed, her arms crossed over her chest. 

“How’d things go with the lawyer?” Ava deflected, letting out a mental sigh of relief when Sara humored her with an answer. 

“Fine. She said everything seems to be in order and the will specifies I would be the beneficiary so there should be no problems. My parents didn’t really have any savings or other possessions except for the house, so there shouldn’t be too many hoops to jump through.” 

“Good. That’s great, Sara.” 

“Yeah.” Her smile turned sad, but she shook her head and took a step into the room, turning her attention to Ava. “So, you slept, yeah? I didn’t see you up in the middle of the night.” 

“Yeah, I did. No nightmares. I didn’t dream about her at all.” Ava said, the familiar bubble forming in her throat. 

Sara walked over, sinking down on the edge of the mattress beside her. 

“Is it normal to be sad about moving on?”

Sara’s hand reached out, wrapping around hers, squeezing it gently. “I think so.”

Ava swiped errant tears away from her cheeks before turning to give the other woman a smile, their eyes locking. “Thanks.”

Sara’s hand squeezed a bit tighter, her thumb rubbing a light pattern against Ava’s pinky and Ava’s breath caught in her chest. 

“You’re welcome.” 

Clearing her throat, Ava sat up a bit straighter, eyes breaking contact. 

“I really should get to the office.” She slid her hand out from under Sara’s, momentarily mourning the loss of warmth.

“Of course,” Sara replied, eyes darting around the room, looking anywhere except at the woman next to her. “I should go too. Got to see a man about a car.”

Sara cursed at herself as she walked down the sidewalk, for the way she had reached out and grabbed Ava’s hand, the way her heart had leapt into her throat when Ava had stumbled down the stairs, still groggy with sleep, to the kitchen. She was not allowed to have a crush on the woman who was still mourning the death of her fiancé. There were certain lines you just didn’t cross and that one was at the top of the list. It didn’t help that Ava was sweet, and smart, and funny, not to mention gorgeous. And to top it all off she didn’t judge Sara for being a complete mess.

Zari’s slow, “ _so… that’s the ‘roommate,’”_ complete with finger quotes, once Ava had left the kitchen hadn’t helped either. Apparently bisexual mess had been tattooed on her forehead at some point without her noticing. She froze mid-step. Had she even told Ava she was bi? Not that it mattered, because it didn’t, because nothing was ever going to come of it. Ever. 

Dammit, she needed to jump into the waterfall again. 

She rounded the corner to the auto shop and drew in a breath, centering herself. 

“Well hell, it looks like the rumors are true. The prodigal daughter has returned.” A tenor voice greeted her as soon as she swung open the door.

“Hello to you too, Jax.” 

“It’s good to see you, Sara.” 

“You too.” 

Jefferson Jackson looked like he hadn’t aged a day since he was seventeen. He had the same boyish charm, the same adorable dimples. He had split off from the group after eighth grade in order to attend a neighboring high school with a football team, but that hadn’t stopped him from getting in on his fair share of the weekend debauchery.

“So, you holding down the fort these days?” Sara continued, looking around at the bustling shop.

“I am. Pop passed away a couple of years ago, I took over about a year before that.” Jax replied with a small sad smile as he attempted to wipe the oil off his grease stained hands with an equally greasy shop rag. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“Thanks, it’s how it goes, you know? We knew it was coming for a while. Mom and I had made our peace.” Jax said, his voice soft, the hurt still present in his eyes.

Sara drew in a deep breath, willing her heart rate to stay steady. Everywhere she went she was surrounded by death. 

“What brings you by today?” He continued, his eyes glistening with a teasing glint as he leaned forward on the counter, elbows propped on the worn Formica. 

“I’m sure you already know,” Sara teased back, happy to fall into familiar banter. 

“The Jeep.” 

“The Jeep,” Sara confirmed with a nod. 

“Yeah, no problem. What’s going on with it?” 

“No clue, she was working fine, now she won’t start.” 

“No worries, it’s probably just the battery or the starter.” 

“Just don’t say alternator.” 

Jax laughed at her stern expression. 

“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll see what I can do. It still at the police station?” 

“Yep.”

“Okay, I’ll get one of my guys to tow her in, and I’ll give you a call when I know something.”

“Sounds good.” Sara scribbled her phone number on the work form next to her keys and jumped up, bracing her arms against the counter as she leaned up to give her old friend a peck on the cheek before turning to leave the shop. “And I’ll see you around, right?”

“I’m at Ray’s almost every night.”

“Somehow I’m not surprised.”

Jax shot her another smile as she shook her head, stepping out into the cloudy chill of the November afternoon. She took another deep breath, counting to ten as the burn of icy air filled her nostrils then hit the back of her throat all the way down to her lungs. The panic slowly subsided as she trudged back to the house.

Ava had had a good day, a really good day, in fact. Mrs. Kresky had brought a plate of her famous snickerdoodle cookies into the office, and Lily Stein had come by for her first prenatal appointment. The bubbly young woman had been glowing, her timid fiancé hovering at the head of the exam table, looking like he was going to faint at any moment until Lily had grabbed his hand, and the young man had melted with ease, his nervous stuttering calming enough for him to rattle off the list of questions he’d had. 

Nothing bad had happened. The worst injury she had seen was a sprained wrist, and she hadn’t had any intrusive thoughts all day. 

Ava froze in the entryway, the Tupperware of cookies she had brought home for Sara placed on the table, her scarf halfway unwound from her neck. 

She hadn’t thought about Devon all day, not since her conversation with Sara that morning. The sadness washed over her again in a wave. She hadn’t thought about her, not even once. She sucked in a deep steadying breath and closed her eyes, taking a moment to just remember- light brown eyes, the wide smile, the easy laugh of a person who had had the privilege of not living a life full of struggle, of a life cut way too short. 

A thud and a curse interrupted her thoughts, and Ava finished removing her scarf and coat before turning toward the origin of the ruckus. She rounded the corner to the kitchen to find a pair of legs sticking out from under the sink.

Another grumbled curse rang out and Ava stepped over, leaning down so she could see more of Sara than just her boot-clad feet. 

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Sara banged a wrench against the iron pipe and growled. 

“I needed to hit something, so I’m attempting to fix this damn sink.”

“I take it, it’s not going well?” Ava smirked at the answering pout. 

“That would be correct. The damn thing is cursed, I swear.” 

“I would agree with that assessment. I’ve been trying to fix it for months with no success.”

Sara growled, banging the wrench against the side of the pipe in frustration.

“Yeah, I tried that one too.” Ava said before huffing out a sigh, her body deflating into a chair. 

The wrench hit the floor with a dull, metallic thud and Sara fell silent, shimmying out from the cabinet, taking the time to dust off her pants and adjust her shirt. Ava’s eyes trailed along after the other woman, as she pulled a flavored sparkling water and some sort of energy drink out of the fridge and plopped down into her chair, sliding the water across the table to Ava before opening the caffeinated monstrosity for herself. 

“Long day?” Sara inquired after a moment, assessing her with a curious tilt of her head. 

“I could ask the same of you,” Ava shot back, shrugging when Sara simply raised an eyebrow. “It was a good day, actually.”

“And that’s the problem.” Sara acknowledged, as she studied her from across the table, taking a swig of that drink. 

“That’s the problem. How do you drink those things?” Ava replied, not even caring that her change of topic was as blatant a deflection as it could get.

“Well, you see this little tab at the top? I flick it up and a hole opens in the lid and then I just…”

Sara’s perfect deadpan expression dissolved in a fit of laughter as Ava threw a napkin at her.

“Jerk."

“Ask a stupid question… but seriously, you want to talk about it?” 

“Not particularly. Do you?”

“Same story, different day,” Sara said with a shrug, and Ava let out a hum. She could understand that more than she wanted to admit. 

Silence fell as they both nursed their drinks, lost in a sea of their own thoughts. After a moment, Sara looked around the room, her face lighting up as her fingers tapped a tuneless beat on the table. 

“I have an idea. You want to help me fix the doorbell?”

Ava frowned back at her. “But the doorbell isn’t broken.”

“I know. That’s the problem.”

A howl of surprised laughter rang out of Ava as Sara hopped up from her chair, and grabbed her hand, dragging her down the hall. That now-familiar jolt of electricity shot up her arm, and she willed down the accompanying guilt. She hadn’t laughed that loud in years.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday to you all! As always thank you for your continued love and support for this story. I hope you all continue to enjoy, I know I'm definitely enjoying writing it. Xx

Chapter 11 

The rest of the week passed in a flurry of activity. Sara’s car had been fixed, and found its new home parked behind Ava’s by the curb. The clinic had started receiving a steady stream of visitors with the onset of flu season, and the house was slowly getting a makeover due to, as Ava had learned, Sara’s inability to sit still. And so, somehow Ava had found herself standing in front of her closet on Saturday afternoon, trying to figure out what to wear to her first Starling Falls Fall Festival.

 _If I’m going to this thing, you’re going too._ Sara’s statement echoed in her head as Ava stared at her completely lack-luster wardrobe. Devon had always teased her for living in button downs, sweaters, and blazers. But she had always found herself more comfortable in pants than a dress. And that’s what you wore to something like this, right? A dress? Well, in that case she was screwed.

“Hey, you almost ready? I don’t want to miss a moment of Mary’s disapproving glare.” The muffled question and quip followed a faint knock on her door. 

“Yeah, I just need another minute. Or twenty,” Ava muttered the last part under her breath as she continued to stare at the line of clothes, like a new outfit would just magically appear. 

It wasn’t like it really mattered anyway, she knew almost everyone in town but it wasn’t like she really had any friends here or people she was trying to impress. Other than Sara, anyway. Not that she was trying to impress Sara, she wasn’t. But they were friends, right? They were living together, they had each taken a turn crying in the other’s arms as they spilled their darkest secret, and they were about to go shopping for furniture together. Hell, it was almost like they were married.

Giving up, she reached into her closet and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans, a burnt orange sweater, and a pair of brown knee-high boots. That was as fancy as she was getting for the night. She slapped on a bracelet and looped a long gold necklace over her head at the last minute, before opening the door to her room, coat in hand, her hair cascading down over one shoulder. Sara was leaning lazily, one foot propped on the wall across the hall, and Ava froze, eyes wide. She had switched out her trademark army jacket for black leather, and had opted for black pants and boots paired with a soft grey sweater, the effortless cool vibe rolling off her in waves.

“Wow- um- I mean, you look nice, Dr. Sharpe.” Sara stated with a wide smile as she straightened up, taking a step forward. 

“So do you,” Ava replied, her voice cracking slightly. She cleared her throat, head ducking. “So, we should get going. What is this thing anyway?” 

“Ah,” Sara began making a sweeping gesture with her arm. “It is a night you will never forget. My tale begins many moons ago with the first settlers of Starling Falls…” 

“Sara-,” Ava said with an exasperated roll of her eyes as she started down the stairs. 

“Fine. Spoil all my fun. It’s pretty much just an excuse for the town to throw a party. There’s cheesy festival games, a “beauty” pageant, or whatever politically correct term they’re calling them now, the bachelor auction, tons of food, punch that someone inevitably spikes, dancing. It’s actually pretty fun.”

“You don’t think it will be awkward with, you know, everything?” 

Sara shot her a mischievous grin. 

“Oh, I’m planning on it.”

The oversized barn that served as the town’s community center was bustling with activity. Carnival games for the kids and food stands spilled out into the town square. Lights, paper lanterns, and other decorations had been strung through the trees, and twinkling lights wrapped around the banisters. It was beautiful. 

“Wow,” Ava whispered as she turned a 360 to take in the sight. 

“Yeah, they’ve topped what I remember for sure.” Sara replied, letting out a low whistle.

“Sara! Dr. Sharpe.” Ava turned to see Ray and Nora approaching them from down the sidewalk, a young boy between them.

“Hi, Ray,” Ava greeted back, giving Nora and their son a shy smile. She hadn’t even known they had a son. Wow, she was terrible at being personable. 

“Ray! Hey man. Hi Nora, and you must be Bradley,” Sara stated with a wide smile, holding out her hand to the boy after giving Nora a quick hug.

“Yeah, I am. Who are you?” Bradley asked, looking up at Sara with a curious expression. 

“I’m an old friend of your mom and dad’s. We grew up together.”

Ava watched in awe as Sara continued a full conversation with the kid, learning more about him in a minute than she had learned about the whole town in six months. He was seven, he preferred to go by Brad now that he was ‘not a baby anymore’, he played baseball, and he had a bug collection just like his dad did when he was a kid. 

Brad’s jaw dropped when Sara told him she had been in the Army, thinking it was the ‘coolest thing in the world’ even though his parents had told him that guns were bad. 

Sara’s breath hitched at that, and Ava looked over at her in curiosity. 

“Yeah, they serve a purpose, but listen to your parents. They’re dangerous and they cause a lot of bad things to happen too.”

“What did you do in the army?” Brad continued his wide-eyed questioning, nodding and hanging on her every word. 

“Just this and that, nothing specific.” Sara deflected, continuing to answer the questions with a small smile until Brad got distracted by a group of his friends gathered around the cotton candy stand.

The adults turned to walk up the steps to the barn, Ray and Nora walking arm in arm with Sara and Ava trailing behind them.

They took turns handing their coats to the teenager manning the coat check station near the door, and Ava wandered to a corner, glancing around as she hovered awkwardly. Sara and Nora had headed straight for the bar and Ray had excused himself to help Nate finish setting up the food table. It was fine, it wasn’t like she had expected Sara to stick by her side all evening. 

“Wow, this is a blast from the past.” Ava jumped when Sara’s voice sounded beside her, and the shorter blond shoved a clear plastic cup into her hand. “It’s seriously true. No one leaves this town.”

Sara shook her head in awe as she looked around, taking in the faces in the crowd. She took a sip of her punch and grimaced. “Drink that slowly by the way, someone was really liberal with the booze. Oh, man is that Timmy McKay? I totally made out with him under the bleachers junior year.” 

Ava followed Sara’s line of sight to a tall man with a mop of light brown hair on top of his head.”

Sara, that’s the town preacher.” 

“Seriously? Damn, he did some seriously unchristian-like things as a teenager.” 

Ava stifled a laugh as Sara continued to study the room. 

“Oh, and I definitely did more than make out with her.” Sara said after a moment gesturing to a brunette with sad eyes and a forced smile, and Ava’s eyes went wide. 

“That’s Tim’s wife!” 

“No way! No wonder she looks so miserable. She’s definitely not a fan of the d-.” 

“Sara!” 

“What? It’s true. She would practically gag anytime a guy even went near her. It didn’t take a genius to figure that one out.” 

Ava shook her head in amusement as Sara continued her commentary on the crowd. 

“Is there anyone here our age you haven’t hooked up with?” She asked after a moment. 

“Of course. Ray, Nora, Nate, Jax,” Sara listed. “Pretty much anyone in my friend group was off limits. Then there were the complete douches- the jocks, you know the type, and the princesses. But other than that, there really wasn’t much else to do around here. We had to make our own entertainment.” 

Sara smirked up at her, raising her glass to her lips for another swig of punch, and Ava felt a shot of heat, that definitely was not jealousy, flare up through her stomach. 

“Oh, incoming two o’clock,” Ava warned over the rim of her cup as she made eye contact with Mary across the room. Sara glanced up, and Ava watched the mask fall into place. 

“Mary, hey, great to see you.” Sara greeted with a wide smile as the other woman stalked up to them, her lips pursed, arms folded over her chest.

“What are you doing here?” Mary questioned, her eyes boring into Sara.

“We’re enjoying this fine punch. Have you had any yet? So good, it’ll definitely help you loosen up a bit, pull that broomstick out of your-.”

Ava cleared her throat loudly and Sara cut herself off, sparing her an amused if questioning glance. Mary looked her way for the first time, as if she had just noticed Ava was there, and Ava spared her a hesitant smile. 

“Mary.”

“Dr. Sharpe, this is a surprise.” Mary greeted her with the same stern, if slightly surprised expression, her eyes flicking to Sara before returning to Ava. 

“Yes, well, I’m not normally one for social gatherings but Sara insisted it would be a fun time, and so far it’s lived up to the hype,” she replied, feigning ignorance of the question. She was proud when her face remained passive at Sara’s badly concealed snort of laughter.

Mary’s expression grew harder.

“And you two _know_ each other.”

Ava could almost feel the smart retort that was going to roll off of Sara’s tongue any second and spoke up before the shorter blonde could. 

“Sara was gracious enough to let me continue staying in her house.”

Mary’s eyes grew wide at the mention of the house, but a child-sized ball of energy ran into Sara’s side, knocking her off balance and into Ava’s arm before anyone could say anything further, punch splashing up onto Ava’s sweater.

“Hi Mayor Mary, have you met Sara? She’s so cool. She grew up with my mom and dad and she was in the army for like a gazillion years. She’s like a real-life GI Joe! Oh, I thought of another question I wanted to ask you,” Brad continued, turning to look up at Sara, a carbon copy of his father’s inquisitive personality. “Did you get shot in the leg, is that why you walk a little funny?” 

“Hey Brad,” Ava interjected at Sara’s grimace. “I accidentally spilled some of my drink, think you can show me where the restroom is?” 

“Yeah, of course? Are you coming too?” Brad asked, turning hopeful eyes to Sara. 

“Of course, bud, I wouldn’t want to let two of my favorite people out of my sight.” Sara shot him a bright smile and the boy beamed back up at her, not that Ava could blame him, if the flutter in her stomach at Sara’s words was any indication. Sara muttered a quick ‘excuse me’ to Mary before turning to walk with Ava and Brad. The boy trotted a couple steps in front of them chatting away as they crossed the room, his earlier question seemingly forgotten.

Brad turned with a wave to run off toward his friends when the women entered the restroom. Sara laughed, shaking her head even as she slumped back against the wall. 

“He is so much like his dad.” 

Ava glanced over from where she was attempting to dab the punch out of her sweater. Luckily, she hadn’t gone with white. 

“You’re not upset?” 

Sara just shrugged, pushing herself off the wall. “Why would I be?” 

“He was asking some pretty personal questions,” Ava replied with a frown. 

“He’s a kid that’s what they do.” 

“Oh.”

“Not a kid person, huh?”

“I’m not really a people person in general, and kids are just terrifying.” 

Sara snorted in response. 

“They’re not that bad.”

“You talk like you’ve had so much practice interacting with them.” 

“Babysat when I was a teen,” Sara said over the top of her drink, with a slight shrug. “Normally had a gaggle of followers overseas too. They were obsessed with the uniforms and all things American.” Her expression fell for a second, and she shook her head, pasting the smile back on. “Not so much the last tour though.”

There it was again, that same look, the same deflection. Ava studied Sara’s expression, looking for a crack in the façade, as the other woman stared off into space. Finding none, she turned back to her sweater. She had assumed Sara’s flare up of PTSD, her inability to sleep, had been triggered by her return to town, maybe just her time in the military in general, but it was becoming more and more apparent that it was something else. Not that a public restroom in the middle of the Starling Falls town event of the year was the time or place to broach the subject.

“Come on,” Ava said after another minute, giving up on her sweater. “Let’s get back out there.” 

“Back into the fire we go,” Sara jokingly agreed, and the pair walked out the door and into a sea of curious glances and glares thrown in Sara’s- and her- direction. “Wow, the rumor mill really is working overtime.” 

They made their way over to the buffet Nate, Ray, and Nora had set up. 

“Congratulations!” Nate called out to them from behind the chicken. “I heard you two were shacking up.” 

Ava spluttered, attempting to cover it with a cough while Sara laughed and rolled her eyes, replying to her old friend with a wink as she grabbed a plate. 

“Wow, word really is spreading fast tonight. No shacking, Nate. Thanks for the vote of confidence though.” 

They gathered up their plates, topped their drinks off at the bar, and found a table away from the makeshift dance floor and stage. Ava could feel the eyes of the crowd following them. But as the evening wore on, their novelty seemed to wear off and their table filled up. First with Jax as Sara introduced him, the man who owned the auto shop, then Zari plopped down next to Sara, citing ‘free food’ as her reason for driving down to Starling for a Saturday night. Nate, Ray, and Nora rotated in and out, finally all settling down with them once the food line finally died down. The group chatted away around her and Ava found herself smiling. She couldn’t remember the last time she had been this relaxed. She looked around at all the faces, mostly people she had known for months but was just now getting to know. Sara’s head was thrown back as she laughed at something Nate had said, her cheeks pink from the laughter and punch. She was it, she was the glue, and even after being absent for so long, Ava could plainly see how the woman bonded all the others together. Herself now included apparently. The same flutter welled up in her stomach and she shook it off. No, she wasn’t anywhere near ready. Turning her attention to her other side she found herself smiling at an intoxicated Nora, the woman who usually met her with dry humor and sarcastic glances, giggling as she wrapped an arm around Ava’s shoulders, regaling her with a tale from their collective misspent youth.

Yeah, maybe Ava could see herself getting used to this.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday (or Tuesday depending on where you are in the world) to you all! Here is chapter 12 and I am happy to report there are some shippery nuggets in here for you all. ;)
> 
> As always, thank you for all your kind words and I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 12

Her arm wound itself through Ava’s as they walked, weaving their way down the street from the party, both stumbling from the combination of alcohol and laughter. Sara almost in tears, the laughter dying for a moment before one of them would start up again, causing the other to join in. She had bought Nate in the bachelor auction. Jax had gone for nearly $100 when a bidding war had broken out between Kendra, a recent divorcee, and another young woman- Betty- from the town over who had been shooting him shy smiles all night. Even though Kendra had won, the other woman was the one Jax had spent the rest of the evening talking to. Nate, on the other hand, had stood up to crickets until Sara had barely beaten Ray to a $10 pity bid. 

_The group tried to be sympathetic when Nate sat back down, only to fail miserably when they all burst out laughing not thirty seconds later._

_“I’m sorry, man,” Jax piped up first._

_“Yeah, that was a harsh blow.” Zari joined in, her usual stoic front cracking with laughter._

_“And why didn’t you bid on me?” Nate questioned, turning to the brunette who was still nursing a cola, and on her third (fourth?) plate of food._

_“Because Zari has been making googly eyes at the deputy all evening.” Sara teased, the punch getting the better of her tongue._

_“I have not.”_

_“Oh, you totally have. You should ask her out, she’s cute.”_

_“Charlie? She is cute.” Nora added, causing Ray to turn to her with a curious look. “What? She is. I may not be attracted to women but I do have eyes.”_

_“I don’t get it. You’re cute, and a nice guy, why no takers?” Ava added turning the conversation back to Nate as Zari blushed deep red at the attention, sinking further into her chair._

_“Because he’s already dated almost every eligible single woman in town,” Ray informed them. “This guy has the worst luck with women. Seriously it’s-“_

_“Don’t say it.” Three voices echoed around the table._

_“Legendary.” Ray concluded, and a chorus of groans replied._

_“Why Ray? Why?” Jax complained even as he laughed._

_“What’s the joke?” Zari asked, just as lost as Ava was._

_“Ray don’t. I actually know ten different ways to kill you now.” Sara threatened, her finger pointing sternly at her friend, but Ray just laughed her off, batting at the outstretched finger with the back of his hand._

_“Back in, what was it, seventh grade? Sara, in all of her bony, four foot something might, clomped on top of one of the cafeteria tables in the middle of lunch and declared to the entire school that not only were she and the rest of our group going to get out of this- what was it? ‘Miserable hellhole of a town’- but we were going to become legends. And it just stuck. From then on, we just started declaring things legendary, mostly just to annoy the hell out of her.” Ray laughed as Sara threw a napkin at him, holding up her middle finger._

_“Well, I don’t know about you assholes, but I did get out of this hellhole.”_

_“But did you make yourself a legend?”_

_Something flashed in Sara’s eyes, gone as quick as it had arrived, and she leaned forward, her voice low._

_“Oh, there are definitely some ladies, and gentlemen, who will never forget my name.”_

_A whoop sounded from around the table and the patrons of surrounding tables turned to stare as Sara jumped up on her chair, turning in a slow circle, arms outstretched._

_“The rumors are true- the legend has returned!” She dipped into a low bow and jumped down as the group howled. Jax laughed his way from his chair to the floor, landing on his butt with a resounding thud, causing the raucous cacophony of merriment to grow._

“That was so fun.” Ava wheezed through her laughter.

“It was,” Sara agreed smiling as she bumped her hip against Ava’s. For the first time in a long time she could honestly say she had truly had fun. Except- “Dammit!”

“What?” Ava froze glassy-eyed, startled by Sara’s exclamation. 

“We didn’t dance.” 

“What?” Ava was laughing again, smiling at her questioning. 

“You have to dance at these things, and I got so caught up with the stories that I forgot. Come here.”

Ava stood staring at her as Sara turned, one hand resting on her waist, the other hand held up, fingers wiggling as they waited for hers. 

“What? Here? In the middle of the street?” 

“Yeah come on. No cars are coming, and we can still hear the music.” 

The song blasting from the speakers in the hall changed, turning to a slower country ballad and Sara’s grin widened. 

“And they’re playing our song too. It’s fate.” 

“Our song?” Ava repeated dumbfounded as her head tilted, listening to the Miranda Lambert lyrics. 

“Yeah, it’s about our house.” Sara replied quietly, and took another step forward reaching down for Ava’s hand. The light buzz of alcohol flowing through her system made it too easy to ignore all the reasons she should not be doing this. 

“Your house.” Ava replied, her voice soft, and Sara rolled her eyes.

“Just come here.”

They swayed to the beat, turning in a slow circle before Sara reached their joined arms up, prompting Ava into a spin causing the taller woman to stumble, falling giggling into Sara. 

“I’m taller, I should be the one leading.”

“So? That’s not how this works. 

“Yeah well, that turn didn’t work either, now spin!” Ava shot back, pushing on Sara’s shoulder, lightly coaxing her into a spin. “See? Better.” 

Sara just smiled, shaking her head. It was better, not that she would ever admit it. 

“You’re wrong, Sharpe.” 

“I’m not and you know it.” 

They slowed to a gentle sway and Sara looked up at the other woman, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. The tension that had been growing, compounding since that evening at the falls, hung heavy in the air around them. They were so close, she could feel the soft puffs of Ava’s breath, could smell the lingering sweet scent of the punch. She could just lift up on her toes and… Sara cleared her throat before taking a step back. 

“We should get home.” 

“Yeah,” Ava agreed, her voice rough, eyes never leaving Sara’s, and she held out an elbow for Sara to hook her arm through. “Let’s go home.”

Ava jolted awake for the first time in a week, her heart hammering in her chest. Her head was pounding from the endless flow of punch and her tongue felt like sandpaper against the roof of her mouth. She had been doing so good, sleeping through the night, finally starting to feel like herself again, but tonight the nightmares had returned with a vengeance. She swung her legs out of the bed and wrapped her robe around herself as she wandered out of the room and down the stairs. The kitchen was dark, the house quiet, and she navigated the familiar space without turning on the lights. She filled a glass with water aided only by the moonlight filtering in through the window, and stared out into the night as she gulped it down. 

Devon had been mad at her in the dream, furious, yelling, betrayed that Ava had been moving on. Forgetting. 

Ava shook her head at the thought. She wasn’t forgetting, she would never forget, but she was moving on. The guilt swelled up through Ava’s chest, because damn it if it didn’t feel good to laugh, to smile, to dance in the street with Sara. Ava swallowed. She felt guilty because she liked Sara. She liked that she was everything Ava was not- she was bold, and brash, and unapologetically herself. She liked that Sara made her feel again. 

Ava placed her cup in the sink and turned to go back upstairs, catching a glimpse of the clock as she passed. 3:34am. The stairs creaked as she crept back up to the second floor, fingers trailing along the wall, guiding her through the darkness to her room. 

A whimper sounded from down the hall, causing Ava to pause, her hand on her doorknob. She hadn’t heard Sara have a nightmare before, normally the other woman was awake before her. Her heart clenched in her chest and she wiped the sweat from her palms on her robe as she crept further down the hall, pausing at Sara’s door, her ear pressed against the wood. Another whimper sounded from the other side, and Ava pushed it open, ignoring her pounding heart, instead choosing to pay attention to how her gut sank at the idea of Sara being in distress. 

The room was dark but Ava could make out the overflowing duffel bag in the corner- clothes cascading from the one zipper and onto the floor. She stumbled, toe caught on a boot discarded in the middle of the floor and she cursed as she fell, barely managing to catch herself, a hand on the edge of the mattress.

“Dammit, Sara.” She grumbled, toe throbbing as she sank down on the edge of the bed. Her hand reached out, landing on the other woman’s shoulder, shaking it gently. 

“Hey, hey Sara, wake up.” 

The whispered words might as well have been a shout with how Sara startled awake. 

“It’s just me.” Ava placated; one hand held up in surrender, the other reaching out on instinct to cover the other woman’s heart. The parallels to that night just over a week earlier were not lost on her. “You were having a nightmare.” 

Sara clutched at her hand and fell back to the mattress. Her heart was pounding, Ava could feel the steady rapid beat against her palm. Slowly it calmed with every breath Sara took. Ten seconds in through her nose, ten seconds out through her mouth. Her grip on Ava’s wrist didn’t loosen, and the doctor shifted her position, settling back against the headboard in an attempt to get more comfortable. 

“You want to talk about it?”

Ava expected the shake of Sara’s head. The women fell silent, Sara’s hand never losing its grip. Seconds ticked by, and Ava had thought Sara had fallen back asleep until she spoke. 

“I was a sniper. In the military.” 

Ava turned her head to look down at her, but Sara’s eyes were focused past her, fixed on a point on the ceiling.

“I killed people for a living and I was damn good at it. But each time I looked through the scope and pulled the trigger, the bullet took a little piece of my soul with it. Bradley- he kept looking at me like I was some sort of hero. I’m not. I’m not a good person, Ava.” 

Ava swallowed hard, her mind a whir as she processed the new information. Slowly she sank down to the mattress, turning on her side, her free hand pillowed under her head, propping it up so she could look at the other woman.

“Did you enjoy it?” 

“What?” Sara asked, turning to her.

“Killing those people. Did you enjoy it?”

“No. Never. But I did it, and I never questioned. I never said no. I would still be doing it if I- if I hadn’t gotten hurt.”

“You’re not a bad person, Sara. You’re not a mindless killer. I’m guessing those people weren’t innocent.”

“No,” Sara whispered. “But they were still people, with lives. They had families, people who loved them. Kids.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. You had a job to do and it wasn’t easy. But you’re a good person and you have the scars to prove it.”

The silence stretched between them, and Ava could practically hear every denial Sara was struggling not to say. 

“Thank you,” Sara finally whispered. Her grip on Ava’s hand loosened and Ava moved to pull it back, taking it as a sign Sara was ready for her to go, but Sara’s fingers tightened again, holding her in place. “Don’t leave.” 

“I’m not going anywhere.” 

Sara nodded, and they laid side by side, the only sound, the window creaking in the soft whir of the wind.

Ava watched as Sara’s eyes drifted shut, her breaths growing even. She continued to watch the other woman sleep, her hand in place over Sara’s heart even when Sara’s hand left hers and fell slack at her side. Her own eyes grew heavy as the second hand on the clock ticked on and she drifted off into her own dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone else screaming at them to kiss yet or is it just me?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! It is Monday, right? I woke up this morning and could have sworn it was Sunday. As always, endless thanks for all the love you have shown this story. Here is chapter 13, I hope you continue to enjoy and have a great week. Thanks as always to my tireless betas Mandy and KC, I appreciate all you do (even when you don't have the time and find it anyway). Happy reading! Xx

Chapter 13

The tip tap of rain against the window lulled Sara from her sleep, her body warm and relaxed cuddled under the weight of the blankets. She let out a contented sigh and snuggled deeper, her body pressing back into-

One eye cracked open, and she turned her head, her neck craning just far enough to see the arm slung across her hip, the forehead nuzzled into her shoulder blade, and oh… oh, wow. Ava Sharpe was definitely a cuddler. Not that Sara minded being the little spoon, just the opposite, it was just unexpected, and she had no idea how the other woman would react when she woke up in their current position. Unfortunately, she was stuck. Due to the size of her room, the side of her bed was pushed up against the wall, making her only options for escape crawling over Ava or attempting to mission impossible her way out via the foot of the bed. Neither option seemed viable, especially at whatever hour of the morning it was.

Ava shifted behind her, arm tightening around her hip, head nuzzling into her back with a faint moan. Making a split-second decision, Sara slammed her eyes shut and forced her body to relax, her breath evening out. Maybe it was the coward’s way out but at least this way Ava could pretend like nothing had happened if she needed to. 

She could tell the moment Ava woke up, and recognized their proximity. 

“Oh,” was all Ava said, her voice still heavy with sleep, and Sara felt the disappointment settle low in her stomach when she felt the other woman pull away. But almost as soon as the arm left her hip, it was back. Ava’s warm palm gave her hip one final squeeze, then it was gone and the bed let out a soft squeak as Ava rolled out, her feet landing on the floor with a muffled thud. Sara listened as she padded across the creaking wood, and the door opened and shut, leaving her staring wide-eyed at the faded wallpaper.

Ava was in the kitchen, staring out the window, sipping on her coffee when Sara wandered down. 

“Hey, good morning,” Sara greeted, only to receive a tight smile in return.

“Thank you for listening last night,” Sara continued, pouring her own cup of coffee. “It helped. Slept great the rest of the night.”

“Good,” Ava replied. “I, um, slipped out after you fell back asleep.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Sara answered, praying her voice didn’t betray her disappointment. “Thank you again, though.”

“Yeah, no problem. It’s what friends are for, right?”

“Of course.” Sara slipped down into her seat at the table, busying herself with her coffee. Friends. Yep, friends always woke up spooning after a night filled with half-drunk dancing and heart-wrenching confessions.

“So, furniture,” Ava said, sitting across from her.

“Right. Furniture,” Sara parroted, probably a decibel too loud. “We’ll have to go a couple towns over but Nora told me there are some good places. Regular furniture stores and antique shops.”

“Sounds good.” Ava replied, pushing herself out of her seat almost as quickly as she had sat down, hands fidgeting at her sides. “I’m going to go get ready.” 

“Okay,” Sara replied with a falling smile. Yeah, last night was a mistake.

“What about this one?” Sara asked, plopping down on a velvety plum purple sofa. “They have it in navy.”

“Yeah, it’s okay.” Ava replied perching on the other end of the couch.

Sara sighed. Ava had been quiet since they had left the house, staring out the window of Sara’s Jeep as they drove the winding country roads, giving distracted, single word answers to all of Sara’s suggestions in the store.

“We can do this another time if you’re not feeling it.”

“No, it’s fine.” Ava said, looking at her for the first time in an hour. “Just a little hung over.”

“Sure.” Sara replied, standing to move to another group of furniture. It was the second lie Ava had told that morning.

Sara sat, bouncing on a basic brown couch in the corner of the store and watched as Ava looked around, studying all the furniture. After a moment, the other woman got up and wandered over to a basic, grey, oversized sectional across the sales floor. She sat down, bounced a couple times, wiggled in the seat and flopped back before lifting a hand to motion Sara over with the first smile Sara had seen from her all day.

“Try this one.” Ava said once Sara was in ear shot.

Sara moved to the far cushion and mirrored Ava’s position, sinking back into the overstuffed cushion before swinging her legs up to lay along the length of one side. Her feet didn’t even come close to reaching the end. “Oh, this is nice.”

“Right? And it’s big enough for both of us to lay on.”

“You like this one?”

Ava nodded with a shy smile.

“What about the color?” Sara continued, not completely opposed to the grey but not one hundred percent certain either.

Ava leaned down and grabbed the booklet hanging from the arm of the sofa, flipping through the possible colors. “There’s one in a dark blue, similar to the sofa you liked over there.”

Sara inched over, leaning in to see the fabric swatch. 

“Perfect.”

Sara hopped up with a decisive nod, clapping her hands together. 

“One down. Now, tables.”

It was early afternoon when they finally trudged back to the car, mentally and physically spent.

“Why is furniture shopping so exhausting?” Sara questioned, one hand coming up to rub the back of her neck, the other fishing in the pocket of her jacket for her keys.

“I don’t know, but I’m ready for a nap.” Ava replied, rubbing her own neck in kind.

“You want to get some lunch first? We walked past a couple restaurants downtown.”

Ava’s head ducked low and her hand fell from her neck in favor of shoving them into her pockets. “I’d actually just like to head home if that’s okay. I’m really pretty tired.”

“Sure, of course.” Sara reassured her with a small forced smile, and rounded the car to the driver side, forcing herself not to kick the tire when she did. She didn’t even know how she had managed to screw up this time.

Ava darted up the stairs as soon as they got back to the house. She knew she should feel guilty for not helping Sara unload the lamps and knickknacks they picked up on their trek through the antique stores, but she was so exhausted she just had to lie down. Every emotion had been running through her since she had woken up that morning, her body warm and relaxed, curled around Sara. She hadn’t wanted to wake up, happy drifting in the twilight of sleep in a comfortable daze. And when she had finally given in and opened her eyes, she had found herself in the worst best position she had ever been in, her nose nuzzling into the back of Sara’s neck so she woke up surrounded by the scent of the other woman, her arm curled around her, holding her close. She had felt nothing but bliss and that feeling alone made her panic. So, she had slipped out of the room, silently praying Sara wouldn’t wake up when she rolled out of the bed and her feet hit the floor. 

She wasn’t ready.

Ava leaned over and unzipped her boots and shrugged off her coat. She managed to put them away in their proper places in the closet and change into lounge clothes before sitting down on the edge of the bed, her hair falling in a curtain around her face. She eyed the phone she had placed on the nightstand, she needed to talk to someone, but who?

Slowly, she pushed herself back up and padded over to her dresser, opening the small memory box perched on top and took out a card. She stared at it for a long moment before turning back to the bed and picking up her phone. Dialing, she lifted the ringing phone to her ear and listened to the voicemail message once it clicked over.

“Hi, my name is Ava Sharpe, I was referred to you a while ago by a friend for grief counselling. I was hoping we could set up a consult. Please give me a call back. My number is-”

She rambled off her phone number and let out a sigh of relief once she did. She had done it. Baby steps, right? No one stopped being broken in a day, or week. She peeled back the covers and curled up, her hands pillowed under her head, facing away from the door, too tired to stay awake, and too wired to sleep.

“Whiskey,” Sara ordered as she slid onto the stool at the bar and met Nate’s questioning look with a glare. “What?”

“It’s three in the afternoon on a Sunday and last I heard you didn’t drink.”

“And where was this lecture last night?”

“Last night there was a group of us having fun together and you nursed one glass of punch for half the night. Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“You’re a lot smarter than people give you credit for.”

“Don’t tell. So, what’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Right. Three pm on a Sunday, Sara.” Nate prodded, whipping the rag off his shoulder, using it to dry a glass.

Sara sighed, leaning forward on her elbows, fingers threading through her hair. 

“I might have done something stupid last night.”

“You mean that thing with Ava?”

“What?” Sara’s head shot up to stare at him. “How did you-?”

“Oh, I stepped out of the hall to make a call and saw you two dancing in the street. You looked cute.”

“Thanks. I mean,” Sara stuttered, shaking her head. “There was that and then something else happened-”

“Something else? Ooo, did you kiss? Oh my god, did you sleep with her?” He asked with wide eyes, the glass abandoned as he leaned back in to gossip.

“Nate- what? No. Just something else. And now it’s awkward, and she’s barely spoken to me all day. She’s dealing with a lot right now, and I crossed a line, and I don’t know what to do.” Sara lamented, slouching once again against the counter.

“What’s going on with her?” Nate asked, leaning forward on his elbows, mirroring her position.

“That’s not for me to say.”

“Right, of course. Well, I’m not sure what to say, but I would highly recommend a conversation over day drinking.”

“Yes, unfortunately that would involve her actually being willing to talk to me, which at this point it would seem that she is not.” Sara sighed, still content to be lost in her pity party of one. “If you’re not going to give me a drink, can I at least have some food? I’m starving.”

“But of course.”

Nate scurried off to the kitchen after giving her hand a warm squeeze and Sara found herself smiling after him. After he was gone a couple minutes Sara found herself looking around. Only a few tables were occupied, given it was the middle of the afternoon, but the atmosphere was still cheery. The door opened and a pair of women in their thirties came in, sitting a couple stools down the bar from her.

“I’ll be right with you!” Nate called from the kitchen and Sara looked around again, shamelessly eavesdropping on the women’s conversation giggling about how happy they were to _finally have their girl’s day_ while their husbands attempted to wrangle their kids.

A few minutes later, Nate still hadn’t emerged from the kitchen, and the women were growing restless, checking their watches- almost time to get home. With a click of her tongue, Sara slipped off her stool and rounded the bar, making quick work of pulling her hair back from her face and washing her hands, and set about making two cinnamon roll cocktails and placing them in front of the women.

Nate came out the door and caught her eye as she slid back into her seat, and looked down at the other women happily sipping on their drinks before placing her burger in front of her. “You know how to bartend?”

Sara shrugged, lifting the bun to pick the green sprigs off her burger with a grimace before picking it up to take a bite. 

“I’ve done it off and on over the years.”

“Yeah? You want a job?”

“What?”

“Well, I mean, I need to talk to Ray and Nora, and the pay wouldn’t be a lot but we could definitely use the help.”

“Sure, I mean, it looks like I’ll be sticking around for a while, and it would be great to be here with you all.”

“Sounds good, I’ll talk to them tonight.” Nate threw her another smile before turning to the women down the bar. “Those are on the house, ladies. Sorry for the wait.”

Sara was halfway through her meal when the women finished off their drinks and headed to the door, leaving a few bills behind, and Nate slid the cash down the bar toward her. 

“Your first tips. Now, go talk to your girl.”

“She’s not my girl.”

“Maybe not yet, but she will be.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you all for all the love and support for this story. I hope it is still helping some of you through this rough year, I know it's helping me. As I posted on Twitter this chapter is a bit of a roller coaster but I think it lands in a good place, let me know if you agree. ;)
> 
> And as always, all my thanks to Mandy and KC for being tireless betas and for answering my endless questions and calling me out on my BS. You both are saints.

Chapter 14

Ava’s car was gone when Sara returned to the house and the surge of panic that coursed through her body sent her sprinting up the stairs to Ava’s room, barging through the door without a second thought. The panic bled from her as the wave of relief washed over her body. All of her stuff was still there- the knick knacks on the dresser, the clothes and shoes piled in the closet, the makeup and shampoo in the en-suite bathroom. Sara stepped back out into the hall and slid down the wall, feet splayed out in front of her as she sat slumped in the hallway, trying to ignore the way the pounding of her heart in her chest reverberated up through her body to her temples. Ava wasn’t gone, she just went out for a bit.

So, Sara thought, her head dropping back to lean against the wall, she might still have a couple abandonment issues to address.

She was sitting, head in her hands, breathing through her anxiety when a pair of black boots came to a stop next to her, so caught up in her own mind that she missed them appearing in her periphery.

“What are you doing out here?”

Sara jumped, head slamming back against the wall. 

“Ow!”

“Sorry,” Ava winced, and turned to slide down the wall to sit next to her. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s okay,” Sara replied, her hand rubbing the throbbing knot forming on the back of her skull. “Just don’t tell the army I startled that bad. I’d lose any credibility I still had left.”

Ava let out a soft hum then fell silent as they sat side by side. She could feel the other woman’s curious eyes on her, but Sara kept her head down, hoping she could get up and leave without the inevitable question.

“So, what are you doing out here?”

And there it was.

“Nothing. Nothing I’m just…” She trailed off, her mind scrambling for an excuse, any excuse to explain why she was sitting in the middle of the hallway of her own house, having an anxiety attack across the hall from Ava’s bedroom.

“Sara?”

“I just- I got home and you were gone, and you’ve been so quiet all day and I am so sorry if I crossed a line last night. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. And I came home and your car was gone and I panicked. I’m so sorry. I didn’t…”

Ava sighed. 

“You thought I had left.”

“Yeah,” the confirmation croaked out of her throat, and dammit she would not cry. Sara Lance didn’t cry over a girl, especially one with whom she was not even in a relationship.

Ava reached over, grasping the hand that had a vise grip on Sara’s knee. 

“You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry I was so distant today. I was just caught up thinking about some stuff. I had fun last night. A lot of fun, and I’m glad I got to spend it with you.”

“You are?” Surprise colored Sara’s voice and Ava gave her a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, I am. But I have some things I need to work through and it’s going to take me a while. I can’t do it on my own, and I admitted that to myself today. So, be patient with me, please?”

Sara was reading too much into it, she knew she was, but she could almost hear the _wait for me_. Maybe it was a pipe dream, but she could hope. 

“Always.” And it was a promise she already intended to keep, no matter where this relationship did or didn’t go.

“Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.”

“Now, I’m sorry about today. I really was excited to go shopping. Maybe we could hit some more places tomorrow afternoon- try again?” The tension drained from Ava’s shoulders and Sara could feel her body do the same.

“I would love to, but I have to go to my new _job_.”

“Wait, what?” Ava turned to look at her in surprise, her hand still resting on top of Sara’s knee. “When? How?”

“You done? The only one you’re missing is ‘why’?”

“You-,” Ava shook her head, laughing lightly. “Okay, Ms. Lance. Congratulations on your new employment. What is this job and how did it come about?”

Sara shrugged.

“It’s nothing huge. Just part-time bartending at Ray’s. Nate suggested it this afternoon when I jumped in to help out when he was a little overwhelmed.”

“Sara, that’s awesome! We should celebrate.”

Sara blushed, trying not to admit to herself how good it felt to hear the pride in Ava’s voice about something as menial as her having a part-time job. 

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Don’t downplay yourself. Taking a job at the most popular place in town just a couple weeks after you were ready to run for the hills rather than talk to anyone here ever again? That’s a big accomplishment.”

“Well, when you put it that way- I need to call Ray and cancel.” Sara replied, only half joking as she pulled her phone out of the cargo pocket of her pants.

“Oh, please,” Ava said, rolling her eyes and snatching the phone out of her hand. “Come on, ice cream.”

They fell into a routine, and before Sara could blink a week turned into a month and Christmas was just a few days away. Thanksgiving had passed in a blur of activity. Ray and Nora had extended an invitation to what ended up being an amazing, laughter-filled dinner. The group of their friends and Brad had gathered around the Palmers’ too-small dining room table bickering over who had to carve the turkey, and who received the privilege of battling for the wishbone.

The furniture had been delivered and the house was slowly coming together. Ava had won the wall color debate, choosing to paint the living room and hallway walls a light, muted grey, after a showdown in the paint aisle of the hardware store neither of them liked to talk about.

_“It’s calm!”_

_“You mean boring.”_

_“I mean serene. Don’t you want to come home to a peaceful environment?”_

_“Peaceful, yes. So boring that it puts me to sleep the minute I walk through the door, no.”_

_“Sara, the couch is blue, the rug is practically tie-dye. The room doesn’t need any more color. And you can always add artwork if you think it's ‘too boring’.”_

_“The rug is not tie-dye.”_

_Ava let out a snort. “And what would you call it?”_

_“A multi-colored swirl pattern.” Sara defended, her hand circling in the air emphatically as she spoke._

_“It looks like a unicorn puked on the living room floor.”_

_“It. Does. Not.”_

_“It does.”_

_“Fine, have your boring grey. But if it sucks, I’m changing it.” Sara turned to the paint counter to find the teenager manning the desk staring at them with wide eyes. Ava ducked her head, cheeks burning bright red, but Sara plunked the colored chip on the counter without a second thought. “Five gallons of this please. Satin finish.”_

The grey worked, not that she would ever admit it. It balanced out the pops of color with a level of sophistication Sara would never have been able to reach on her own. The loose front steps had been nailed down, the backdoor had been replaced, so that it actually closed and latched no matter what the temperature or humidity level was. But the sticker-covered door to Laurel’s old bedroom stayed firmly shut, and despite their best efforts, the damn kitchen sink still dripped.

Life was busy between work, holidays, and repairs on the house, but it was good. Really good. Ava had been having twice weekly virtual sessions with her therapist back in Star City. At first, she had shut herself in her room during those times but after the first week Sara had started to make herself scarce for the hour, giving Ava free range of the house to sit wherever she felt most comfortable. Most days Sara came back to find Ava tear-stained, sitting in the vee of the sectional, snuggled deep in the cushions cuddled under a blanket as she sipped from a cup of tea and wrote in her journal. Homework, the other woman had told her the first day with a faint smile. 

The anniversary of Devon’s death was rough. Ava had locked herself in her bedroom after her therapy session, only opening the door when Sara placed a tray of food outside it at dinner time, pleading with her to ‘please just eat something’ through the wooden barrier. They had sat in silence hours later when Sara had wandered downstairs in the middle of the night to find her seated at the kitchen table in the dark, sunken eyes raw from crying, hair hanging in long strings like she had been running her hands through it all day, a long-cold mug of tea clutched in her hands. Sara had wanted to do something, anything to help but all she could do was sit in silence, but apparently that had been enough. 

It had taken a couple more days but Ava started to return to her normal self, and even better in some ways, like the pain was finally starting to lessen. She seemed to be building a bond with both Nate and Nora, not the two Sara would have seen her gravitating toward, but she wasn’t about to start questioning the budding friendships. And Sara, well, she was starting to settle into a routine of shifts at the bar, resuming her own therapy of the physical variety, and life was blissfully… normal.

Despite their schedules, she and Ava still made sure to meet up at least once a week for lunch and twice for dinner, alternating cooking. Half the time it ended with the inedible meal dumped in the trash and them sitting at a table at Ray’s. That night though, it was Sara’s turn, and she was determined to make something new, and actually edible. So, that’s how she found herself sitting at the bar at Ray’s on her day off, munching on a cold French fry, researching “simple crock pot meals” on her phone.

“This looks pretty easy,” she mumbled to herself as she reached for another fry. “I just put in the meat and spices, and then a couple hours later add some onion, carrots, potatoes. Ugh, I’ll leave out the celery. Why would they ruin it with celery? And then I just leave it. Yeah, I can do this.”

“Whatcha doing?” Nate asked as he slid onto the stool next to her, the heavy part of the lunch rush over.

“Teaching myself how to make a pot roast. It’s my turn to make dinner.”

“Aw so domestic.” He teased as he leaned in, giving her a cheeky smile.

“Oh, shut up.” Sara shot back, throwing a half-eaten fry at him, cheering inwardly as it bounced soggily off his shoulder.

“Don’t worry, pot roast is so easy even you won’t be able to mess it up.”

“Ha ha ha.” Sara said with a roll of her eyes. “Oh hey, have you seen Ava? She said she would try to make lunch today but I haven’t heard from her.”

Nate shrugged. 

“No, I haven’t. She’s probably just busy at the clinic. It’s that time of year, everyone is getting sick.”

“Oh, are you looking for Dr. Sharpe?”

Sara turned to find Lily Stein walking up to them, her small baby bump starting to show, and the ever-present smile dancing on her lips.

“Yeah, I am, have you seen her?”

“No, I haven’t seen her, but she did call me a bit ago. I had an appointment today for a check-up but she needed to cancel, asked me to close up the clinic for her since I was already there and to put a note on the door.”

Sara could feel the anxiety building in her gut. 

“Did she say why?”

“There was an accident up at the Davidsons’ farm. One of their boys was hurt pretty bad, she said she was riding with him to the hospital for emergency surgery.”

Sara shot up from her seat, eyes wide. 

“Wait- Ava is taking him to surgery? Which hospital?”

“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Lily replied with a shrug.

“Thanks, Lily. Shit, shit,” Sara cursed as she reached for her phone, finger fumbling to unlock the screen. She tried a third time and cursed louder, causing heads turning to look at her curiously, when the phone locked up on her. “Fuck!”

“Sara? What’s going on?” Nate asked, looking at her with concern. “Do you even know the Davidson boys?”

“I, um, I have to go. Key, I need my keys.” She looked around frantically. “Crap, I walked. My keys are at the house. What’s the nearest hospital with a trauma center? Ava told me once, she said she got privileges there but I can’t remember. Dammit!”

“Memorial in East Ridge?”

“Yes! Thank you. I gotta go.”

“Wait. What’s going on?” Nate questioned, catching Sara by the arm as she rushed for the door.

Sara sighed, the debate on how much to say raging in her head. It wasn’t her story to tell. 

“If Ava has to perform surgery she’s going to be struggling, and I need to be there for her.”

“But isn’t Ava a surgeon?”

“Yeah, she was, but something happened, and Nate, I really can’t say anything else, but I need to go.” Sara replied, attempting to tamp down on the panic swelling in her chest.

“Of course, let me drive you.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Sara, you're upset and worried. I’m not letting you drive yourself like this right now, especially with snow on the roads. Plus, Ava is my friend too."

“Okay. Let’s go.”

The drive to the hospital was done in silence, just the quiet drone of the radio lending a soundtrack to Sara’s jiggling leg and fidgeting fingers. The minute Nate pulled up to the emergency room entrance she was out of the passenger side door and dashing toward the admittance desk as Nate parked the car.

“Hi, yes, I’m looking for a patient who was brought in, actually I’m looking for the doctor who brought him in.”

“Name?” The nurse asked, looking up at Sara with a bored expression. “Um, Davidson. The patient’s name is Davidson. The Doctor is Ava Sharpe.”

“You family?”

“No, no just a friend.”

“You need to wait out here. Only family of patients are allowed back.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m looking for Ava, Dr. Sharpe. I need to talk to her.”

The nurse looked up at her with wary eyes but finally sighed on a nod and picked up the phone. 

“I’ll call around, see what I can find out. They came in a couple hours ago.”

“Thank you, thank you.” Sara replied, her hands clasped in front of her as relief flooded her chest.

Nate had just sat down next to her in the waiting room when the nurse motioned her back over, phone pressed to her ear. “Miss, Dr. Sharpe is in surgery with the patient. Our trauma surgeon is out on vacation so she insisted on performing the operation herself.”

“Ava’s doing the surgery? Where? What room?”

The nurse’s eyes narrowed in question. 

“Is there a problem?”

“No! Of course not. He’s in very good hands. I’m just surprised. Can you just have them tell her that Sara is here?”

Sara bounced on her toes as the nurse relayed the message, before looking back at the antsy woman with a faint smile. 

“You can go wait in the surgery waiting area if you’re going to stay. Second floor. It may be a while.”

“Oh, thanks. Do you know how long it’ll be?”

“At least another couple of hours.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Nate insisted that they stop at the coffee cart in the lobby before heading up to the second floor, and Sara clutched her untouched latte as they sat in the waiting area, staring down the hall that led to the operating rooms. One hour stretched into two, then three. Her cold latte had finally been drunk and she was up pacing the length of the seating area when the clock edged into the fourth hour. The doors at the end of the hall finally opened and Ava came staggering out, dressed in blue scrubs, with a cap covering her hair. She gave Sara a small smile as she walked past and stopped in front of Andy Davidson’s parents.

Sara slid back into her seat next to Nate and watched as Ava spoke with the couple in low voices across the room. Sara had never seen her like this- completely composed and confident. In a hospital, in an operating room was where she belonged. She was second guessing her insistence on coming at all, let alone dragging Nate along to sit for four hours when Ava was obviously fine, when a nurse came over to lead the Davidson’s out of the room and Ava turned to look at them. She locked eyes with Sara and in that moment the cool confident exterior broke, her face crumbling with exhaustion and an onslaught of emotion. Ava’s eyes went wide and she darted across the room, falling to her knees to wretch into a small trash bin.

“Ava! Hey, you’re okay,” Sara soothed as she darted across the room to kneel next to her, rubbing her gently on the back.

Ava pulled back, her entire body trembling as she sat with her back against the wall and Sara slid down next to her, their knees pulled up to their chests.

“I- I did it,” Ava choked out, as a sob swelled up out of her throat, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I did it.”

“And Andy? Is he-?”

“He’s going to need a lot of physical therapy but he’s going to be fine. I saved him.”

The grin split across Sara’s face as she stared at Ava, pride swelling in her chest. “Yeah, Aves. You did it. I’m so proud of you.”

Ava stared back at her in awe, an answering smile spreading across her own lips, and she let out a little laugh. 

“I did it.”

Sara’s arm wrapped around the other woman’s shoulders and squeezed her into an awkward, sideways hug. 

“Yeah, Dr. Sharpe, you did.”

Sara looked up a couple minutes later as Nate shuffled over, hovering at a respectable distance as he tried not to intrude.

“Hey, Aves,” She prompted gently, her arm still securely wrapped around the other woman. “You ready to go?”

“Um, almost,” Ava replied, lifting her head from where it was leaning back against the wall. She cracked an eye open and gave Nate a hesitant smile before turning to Sara. “I just need to finish some paperwork and check in with Andy’s post-op doctor, but you two can go. I’ll call an Uber or something.”

“No, it’s okay.” Nate spoke up. “We can wait. We’ll just head down to the lobby and get us all a round of coffees. I’m sure you could use one.”

“Definitely, it’s been a while since I’ve spent six hours in an operating room. I forgot how exhausting it is.”

Sara levered herself up off the floor, one hand coming up to rub the small of her back while she held out her other hand to help Ava up. She pulled away to turn toward the exit, and let Ava get back to work, but the surgeon held on, tugging on her hand so that Sara turned back to face her.

“Thank you for coming, for being here.” Ava said, her voice low as their eyes locked. “It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” Sara replied, taking a step forward. “Like I said- always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Christmas.


	15. Christmas Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all! I apologize again for the skipped week, but occasionally life happens and I wanted to make sure to get you all a quality update instead of something rushed. I hope this chapter makes up for the wait. Thank you as always, to my cat for stepping on my keyboard and putting fun lines of random letters in my sentences and to my betas for not questioning my sanity upon seeing those strings of random letters.
> 
> And since the all of Christmas for our ladies couldn't be contained in just one chapter, here is Christmas Part 1.

Chapter 15- Christmas Part 1

“We need a tree.” Sara’s statement greeted Ava the moment she walked through the door.

“We have a tree,” Ava replied, pointing at the small tabletop Christmas tree she had found in the storage closet of the clinic.

“Not that sorry excuse for Christmas spirit.” Sara said, waving a hand at it in dismissal. “A real tree, you know, from the woods.”

“You want to go to the woods and chop down a tree?” Ava looked at her with a raised eyebrow as she unwound the scarf from her neck and started to unbutton her coat.

“No. Well, yes, but not me specifically. We need to go to the tree lot.”

“Sara, it’s three days before Christmas. Do you even think they have one left that looks any better than that?”

They both turned to look at the tiny balding plastic plant. “It’s worth a shot?”

“Fine, let’s go.” Ava sighed, but any annoyance at having to go back out in the cold quickly melted away at the beaming smile Sara shot her. “Can I at least eat something first?”

“No time, they close in half an hour,” Sara bounced on her toes as she wound Ava’s scarf back around her neck and shrugged on her own jacket. “Come on!”

Sara grabbed her hand and yanked her out the door and toward the jeep.

“What about this one?” Ava asked as they wound through the aisles sparsely lined with trees. The tree wasn’t bad, a little short and there was a small balding spot but that could easily be turned toward the wall.

“It’s alright.” Sara responded but the look on her face told Ava they would keep looking. 

“Have you seen anything you like?”

“There was one over there that wasn’t bad,” Sara said, waving toward another aisle. “But none of them have been right. I’ll know it when I see it.”

Ava couldn’t help but smile at how seriously Sara was taking this.

“You know, I haven’t had a real tree since I was a kid. Between school and work I never really saw the point. I was never home to enjoy it.”

Sara threw Ava a smile over her shoulder. 

“So, what I’m hearing is you’re enjoying this.”

“Do you always have to be so…”

“Cute? Adorable? Right?” 

“Obnoxious.”

“Ouch!” Sara’s jaw dropped as she raised a hand to her chest, feigning insult.

“Come on, you goober. I saw some more in the back.” 

They trudged to a small cluster of trees in the back corner of the lot, Sara’s arm wound through the crook of hers. 

“I haven’t had a real tree in years either. Most years we didn’t have a tree at all. Christmas trees were a little hard to find in the desert. Normally we’d make something but it was like painted wood scraps and paper chains, nothing like this.” 

“Well, this year we’ll have the perfect tree.”

“I knew you were having fun. Just admit it.”

“Fine. I’m having fun. But I’m still starving.” 

The tree wasn’t perfect. It had a couple small bare spots they had crammed with the cheap ornaments they had found on the drug store’s clearance rack, and it only stood just taller than Ava, but it was theirs.

“I think we did pretty good.” Sara declared; her arms crossed over her chest as she regarded the tree with a proud smile. “Next year we’ll make sure to go earlier.”

Ava just nodded, not wanting to ruin the moment by reminding Sara that she might not be there next year. It wasn’t something she wanted to think about either. 

“Oh! I need to go get the presents!” Sara bounded up the stairs, Ava watching her wide-eyed as she did.

Shit. Presents.   


“Help me.” Ava stared at Nora as she leaned on the bar, waiting for their takeout order to be ready.

“Um, with what exactly?”

“I need to get Sara a Christmas present. I have everyone else covered, even mailed the ones to my parents already but I haven’t found something for her and now I’m almost out of time.”

Nora looked at her for a moment, assessing before giving a small nod. 

“Okay… what are the options? You’ve been looking, you must at least have ideas.”

“I don’t know, I’ve looked everywhere. Nothing seems right.” 

“Well, it’s Sara,” Nora stated after a moment, giving Ava a thoughtful look. “She doesn’t need anything big or expensive. She likes gifts with meaning.”

Ava nodded as she grabbed the handles of the to-go bag, and thanked Nora. Meaning- she could do that.

Ava padded down the stairs at the insistent sounding knock on the door.

“Sara!” She called up over her shoulder. She was running late. Not that she had a day full of appointments lined up on Christmas Eve, but she had promised Lilly she would be able to do her three-month exam since it had gotten cancelled the week before. The young woman wanted sonogram photos to share for the holiday. Hopefully Sara would be able to entertain their unexpected guest so she could slip away. It was probably one of her friends anyway.

She swung the door open and froze, any Christmas greeting dead on her lips. 

“Mom.”

“Hey Aves, who is it? God knows I’m not dressed to receive.”

Ava jolted out of her daze and turned to see Sara at the top of the stairs dressed in only thin pajama shorts and an even thinner tank top, her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth.

“It’s, uh, my parents,” she replied and Sara’s eyes went wide before she darted back around the corner, her fluffy winter socks sliding on the wood floor, an ‘oh shit’ trailing behind her. It would have been comical if the circumstances hadn’t been borderline tragic.

“Mom, dad, what are you doing here?” She greeted in a mixture of surprise and panic as she turned back to the couple huddled on the other side of the door who were staring past Ava with questioning looks. “Oh, come in. It’s freezing, I know.”

She ushered them inside the warmth of the house and turned in surprise to see a third person trailing behind them. 

“Allie.”

“Hey, Ava. I hope you don’t mind me tagging along. I know it’s been a while but my parents decided to go out of town for the holidays, and well, you know how they are. Pam and Randy were kind enough to extend the invite.”

“No, it’s fine, really. It’s great to see you Allie.” Ava said, leaning in for a hug, and she felt herself sinking into it. Wow she had missed this.

“You weren’t kidding about it being cold, kiddo.” Randy Sharpe piped up as they stripped out of their coats and gloves. “And we were out there for a bit. I think your doorbell might be broken. I can look at it for you if you want.”

Ava’s mind flashed back to Sara’s string of impressive curses as she wailed on the chiming mechanism with a wrench. 

“No, it’s fine. We’ve got it covered.”

“We?”

“What are you doing here?” Ava continued, pointing the group to the couch, her mind still spinning at the revelation that her parents (and Allie) were in town, and the sudden upset of her and Sara’s holiday plans, not that they had really had any huge plans, per se. But Ava had been looking forward to it.

“Well, you had said you weren’t coming home for Christmas and I didn’t like the idea of my only child being so far away over the holidays so I talked your father into booking a last-minute flight,” Pam Sharpe stated, as she reached up to cup Ava’s cheek. “What can I say, I missed my little girl, and with everything that’s happened in the past year, I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Ava smiled at her mom before leaning down to give her a hug. 

“Thanks, Mom.”

“So, who was that barely dressed young woman?”

“Oh my god, Mom,” Ava groaned as she pulled back out of the hug.

As if on cue she heard the clomp of Sara’s boots coming down the stairs. She turned to see Sara beaming her most charming smile. This wouldn’t be awkward at all.

“Mom, dad, Allie, this is Sara Lance, she owns the house. So, I guess we’re roommates. Sara, these are my parents Pam and Randy Sharpe, and this is Allie, Devon’s sister.”

She caught the flash of panic in Sara’s eyes as they flickered to Allie, before recovering, and stepping forward with an outstretched hand, her smile never wavering as she greeted Ava’s parents. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Sharpe, it’s a pleasure.”

She turned to their third guest, the smile morphing into one a little more genuine. 

“Allie, hi, it’s nice to meet you too. I’ve heard so much about your sister. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Allie gave her a tight smile in return.

“Aves, can I talk to you for a minute.” Sara asked, turning to the doctor.

“Yeah, of course.” Ava replied, and murmured, “excuse me,” to her family before following Sara out of the room.

“I am so sorry,” she continued the moment they entered the kitchen. “I had no clue they were coming, they just showed up at the door.”

“Hey, no, it’s fine. It’s awesome that your family is here. I just wanted to ask a favor.” Sara replied with a small sad smile.

“Of course, what’s up?”

“I’m headed to the bar. I told Ray I’d cover until three when we close, so he and Nora can be home and since Nate is with his mom. I was wondering if you can hold onto this for me?”

Ava looked down to see Sara pull the dented flask from her cargo pocket. 

“Christmas is hard.”

“Sure, of course,” Ava replied, grasping the flask in her hand. “But, Sara, you’re going to be in a bar. Are you sure it’s a good idea to go at all?”

“That’s different.” Sara said. “I can handle that.”

Sara turned toward the door and Ava reached down, catching her hand. 

“Hey, I can come by later, keep you company.”

“No, I’m fine, really. Plus, you’ve got company to entertain.” Sara shot her a cheeky smile, but squeezed her fingers in response. “Thanks though.”

Sara cleared her throat and took another step toward the door, Ava’s hand dropping as she moved out of reach. 

“There’s beef stew in the crock pot for tonight. Don’t set the kitchen on fire.”

“Ha ha ha. That was one time!”

“One is enough, Sharpe. One is enough.”

“You don’t want to start this debate, Lance.”

Sara laughed as she pulled on her ratty army jacket and tugged a cap down over her head. 

“I’ll see you later. Don’t forget about Lily.”

Ava’s worry over Sara evaporated as her eyes went wide. 

“Shit.”

Sara’s laugh trailed over her shoulder back into the house as she closed the door behind her.

Ava turned to find three pairs of eyes trained on her, channeling an array of emotions ranging from smug to critical.

“So…” She started. “Where are you all staying?”

Sara unlocked the door to the bar and wandered through the dark, quiet room. It was always peaceful when she opened, the still silence was welcoming. Closing was different. The energy of the night hung in the room when she closed, but by opening it had dissipated, the slate wiped clean for a new day. She moved around the room methodically, pulling the chairs from the table tops, and flipping on light switches. There was a limited menu for the day, given one- that it was a holiday, and two that Ray, Nate, and Nora still didn’t trust her not to burn the place down. Not that she could blame them.

Burgers and salads, and booze. She could handle that. For five hours anyway. She turned on the stereo, fiddling with the dial in an attempt to find a station without overly obnoxious Christmas music. She finally settled on one that wasn’t completely unbearable, a folky twang of a classic carol filling the space. She leaned back against the bar as she stared at the wall of liquor.

It had been two years to the day since she had woken up in that hospital in Germany, almost a week after the Humvee had been blown apart, and she had watched one of her best friends in the world die. Two years since she had been told she’d probably never walk again. Two years since her life had gone to hell, again.

“I miss you, you asshole.” She sighed into the empty room, her fingers itching for the flask that she had shoved safely in Ava’s hand. Instead she rubbed the scar on the small of her back, yet another constant reminder that life was too short.

Sara was pulled from her musings by the sound of the door and she sighed, rubbing her neck, still facing the wall. She wasn’t expecting anyone for food until at least eleven. Chances are it was just Phil looking for his usual morning hair of the dog.

“I’ll be right with you.” 

“It’s fine.”

Sara stood up straight, her head turning in curiosity at the feminine voice. 

“Allie,” she greeted, an eyebrow raising in surprise.

“Sara.” 

Oh, that wasn’t a good tone.

“I thought you were with Ava.”

“She had to stop by the clinic, so I started to wander around town and ended up here. Turns out it’s the only place open on Christmas Eve.” 

“One of the many charms of small-town America.”

“If you say so.” Allie replied, sliding onto a stool.

Sara reached for a glass, wiping it out quickly before grabbing the vodka off the shelf and reaching into the fridge for the Bloody Mary mix she had prepared for the brunch crowd. 

She tossed the drink together as Allie looked around the space, sliding off the stool to wander over to the wall of pictures. She neared the ones of Sara and Laurel and Sara’s heart jumped. 

“That’s my sister,” Sara said on defense, not wanting to field any unexpected questions. 

“She’s pretty. She still live here too?” 

“No. She passed away, a couple years after the picture was taken.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Sara gave her a tight smile, and slid the drink across the bar top, prompting the other woman to sit back down. She could turn that revelation into an olive branch, a mutual respect based on common ground, but she couldn't help but feel it would be wasted effort.  


“On the house. Friend of a friend discount.”

“Friend, huh?” Allie prompted, giving Sara a knowing look, and oh she had walked right into that one.

“Yeah,” Sara shrugged, the epitome of nonchalance even as her heart galloped in her chest. “What else would we be?”

“Well, last I heard, Ava was living alone in a vacant house, with barely any furniture, owned by the mayor. She sent pictures. And then we show up and you’re there, and the place has transformed into a home, and there’s even a picture of the two of you on the mantel.”

Sara grimaced. She had momentarily forgotten about the picture.

Allie continued; her expression blank. 

“And then to top it off, the way she looks at you. There’s only one other person I’ve seen her look at like that.”

That implication was clear. 

“Well, I mean, it’s not- we’re not-“

“She’s not going to stay here, you know.” Allie continued, as if Sara had never spoken. “And I’m not trying to be mean, but she has a life back in Star City. A job, family, friends. She just needed to get away for a bit, sort out her head, but she’ll come back. It’s home.”

That was it. The switch flipped and the air flew from Sara’s lungs. Five months and Ava would be gone, back across the country, and back in an operating room. Where she belonged. And what of Sara, would she still be here tending bar? Would she be back overseas- take up one of those offers to work with a military contractor? Would she abandon this life she was just starting to find again to follow a girl across the country?

“Hey!”

Sara’s head snapped up to find Ava’s bright blue eyes smiling back at her, but just like that the smile wavered and she reached out, her hand covering Sara’s fingers and Sara noticed Allie slipping off her stool and out of sight.

“Hey, you okay?” Ava questioned softly.

Sara shook her head, and pulled her hand back as she busied herself flipping glasses up to the counter top.

“Yeah, I’m great. What’s up? What are you doing here?”

Ava continued to assess her for a moment before finally giving Sara the benefit of the doubt and dropping the subject. Not that Sara wasn’t sure it would come up again later when they were alone.   


“Well, after I stopped by the clinic to see Lily- she says hi by the way- I was just showing my parents around town, and this is our last stop. Luckily, we found Allie here too. I was thinking of taking them up to the falls.”

Sara’s hand clamped down on a glass.

“The main falls, at least. Not our spot.”

Ours.

Her grip relaxed and she placed the cup in line with the rest.

Sara hadn’t been back to the falls since that day Ava had borne her soul to her but she knew Ava had, she had told her as much. She had gone there the day after the festival to think, and she had gone back at least one more time after a particularly tough therapy session.

No, their spot was sacred to Ava. It was to her too.

“But we’ll see you later for dinner, right?”

Sara hesitated for a moment. She had been trying so hard- the tree, the decorations, making plans- to actually celebrate and make Christmas something good again. But part of her wanted nothing more than to retreat and lick her wounds. Her hand reached back and her fingers rubbed over the scar. Her family was gone, Leo was gone, Ava would be gone too. It would be so easy just to run again. To wake up in the morning and be gone before anyone wandered down stairs to see what Santa had left behind. 

She didn’t _ need  _ anyone.

But Ava was looking at her with such bright eyes, her body practically vibrating with excitement over the idea of the little Christmas dinner they had discussed, their plan to drink cocoa and marathon their favorite Christmas classics after. Go to sleep and wake up to exchange presents and gather with their friends. Just like they were normal people, celebrating Christmas like a normal couple, and not two damaged souls trying their best to support each other while they healed.

She wanted this. She wanted to stay, to try.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it.” And it wasn’t a lie.

Ava flashed her a brilliant smile and reached out to squeeze her hand before turning to round up her family.

Sara watched them walk out the door, and let a sigh out into the empty bar. Maybe Ava would go back to Star City, maybe she would decide she wanted that life over this one, but she wasn’t gone yet, and Sara had every intention to hold onto her while she could.

Damn. She needed a drink.


	16. Christmas Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goooooood Monday to you all. I hope you had a great weekend! I know between GalaxyCon on Saturday and Wynonna Earp last night half my readership is probably dead or happily catatonic, but oh what a way to go. 
> 
> Anyway, here is Christmas Part 2 for our Ava and Sara. I hope you enjoy! And since my brain loves Christmas, next chapter will be Christmas Part 3. Have a great week and take care of yourselves out there! Xx

Chapter 16- Christmas Part 2

“Why are we watching this?”

Ava giggled from where she was lying on the couch, her head nestled in a stack of pillows in the corner of the sectional, her long legs stretched out the length of one side, snuggled under a blanket. Their long empty mugs of cocoa sat abandoned on the coffee table.

“Because we couldn’t agree on either _Elf_ or _Love, Actually_.” Ava stated, rolling her eyes as Sara made a retching sound at the second title.

“It’s a good movie!”

“It’s two hours of cliché.”

“And _Elf_ is what, a cinematic masterpiece?”

“No, but it’s better than this.” Sara laughed, gesturing up at the tv from her position mirroring Ava’s on the perpendicular arm of the sectional, their heads inches apart. 

“Hallmark Christmas movies are a holiday must.”

“But they’re so bad. _So bad._ The cheese is practically oozing off the screen. And every single movie has the same plotline.”

Ava threw a handful of popcorn over her shoulder and it rained down over the other woman. Not that she disagreed, they really were completely awful, cheesy movies. 

“Admit it, they’re still fun.”

“No, I refuse.”

Ava chucked another kernel of popcorn at Sara but the other woman reached up and caught Ava’s fingers with her own, holding tight, and Ava’s breath left her lungs when Sara showed no signs of letting go. Instead, Sara adjusted her hand, threading Ava’s fingers through her own, so the back of her hand was cradled in Sara’s palm. She let her body relax, the weight of her hand sinking further into the other woman’s warmth and breathed out a contented sigh.

“Okay, maybe it’s not so bad.” Sara agreed after a moment. “Merry Christmas, Aves.”

Ava glanced up at the clock, watching as the hand ticked another minute closer to midnight. 

“Merry Christmas, Sara.”

She had driven her parents and Allie to the motel after dinner, citing that they must be tired from their trip. Dinner had been nice if a little awkward. There was some tension between Sara and Allie Ava couldn’t pinpoint. Sara had been her usual charming self—filling any pauses with questions peppered at Ava’s parents and artfully dodging inquiries about her own family. But she had barely glanced at Allie all evening, and even kept her interaction with Ava to a minimum, failing to engage in any of the usual playful banter Ava had come to expect. 

The elephant of Star City had danced around the kitchen throughout the entire meal, but thankfully no one had directly engaged and Ava had managed to sidestep any vague references to coming home. She wasn’t ready to think about that. It was too much.

She had left her parents with a kiss on the cheek and a promise that she would be back bright and early to collect them as her excuse to make a semi-quick exit back to the house. Yes, she loved her parents and it was great to see them, but she had been disappointed when her and Sara’s plans had been suddenly interrupted. She had been looking forward to the evening they had planned, even as mundane as it may have sounded to anyone else. And this, the two of them snuggled up in their house, was what she needed right now. Plus, something was bothering Sara, and even if the other woman didn’t want to talk about it, Ava still wanted to be there for her. She squeezed Sara’s fingers between her own, and the shorter blonde glanced over at her with a content smile.

“This is nice.”

“Yeah, it is.”

Her attention was drawn back to the screen for a moment. She hadn’t been following along with the plotline to this particular movie very closely, but as Sara had said, it wasn’t much different from the other one they had just finished watching. Overworked woman from the city visits a small town, and falls for the eligible bachelor, with a hardship to overcome. She let out a soft snort. She could relate. Well, mostly.

“Hmm?” Sara questioned.

“Nothing, just thinking.”

“Yeah, me too.” The clock ticked to midnight and the cheerful melody announcing the hour filtered through the room. “It’s my birthday, you know.”

“What? It is? Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Ava asked, her head popping up as she rolled to her side so she could look at the other woman, but Sara’s hand held tight to hers, keeping her from sitting up any further.

Sara shrugged. “I don’t tell most people. It’s not something I like to celebrate.”

“You sure? We should at least do something. It’s too late to bake a cake, but we can make one in the morning. There might be a box of brownie mix in the pantry.”

“No, really, it’s okay. Just being here, like this, this is good.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure, but thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Ava replied, turning back to lay properly on the cushions, but not before brushing her lips lightly across the fingers intertwined with her own. “Happy Birthday, Sara Lance.”

“Merry Christmas, Ava Sharpe.”

Ava groaned as she stretched, her body aching in weird places. Her hands reached up over her head and she paused when they hit a cushion. Oh, that’s why. She had fallen asleep on the couch. She glanced up to find Sara’s spot empty, the blanket thrown haphazardly to the side.

The television still droned on, another movie in the marathon playing despite the early hour.

“Hey, good morning.” Sara greeted, walking back into the room with a smile, a mug of coffee gripped in each hand. “Guess we both fell asleep out here last night.”

“Yeah,” Ava replied, sitting up, groaning again as her back popped. “Oh man, I’m getting too old for this.”

“Tell me about it, my back was so stiff I could barely stand when I woke up.” Sara placed both steaming mugs on the coffee table before reaching into the pocket of her robe and fishing out a small box, placing it next to Ava’s coffee. “Merry Christmas.”

Ava looked over to the small pile of gifts under the tree, her face morphing into a confused frown. 

“I thought we were doing presents later.”

“I just wanted you to have this one now.”

Ava reached for the small package as Sara took a small sip of her coffee. She turned the box over in her hands before slipping a finger under the paper, slicing it open in one expert motion. She opened the box inside to reveal a velvet jewelry box and she looked over at Sara in question, her heart racing.

“Go on, open it.” Sara’s smile grew, even as her knee jiggled with apprehension.

Ava flipped open the lid and her lips formed an O as she stared down at the white gold oval locket, an engraving of a caduceus adorning the front.

“It, ah, it opens, and you can put a picture inside. Of Devon, or your parents, or whoever.” Sara stuttered out, her knee jiggling even faster, her cheeks tinted pink.

Ava lifted the necklace out of the case and held it gingerly in her palm, before lifting it to pry the small cover open. 

“It’s beautiful, Sara.”

“I just saw it in the window of the store and it reminded me of you, so…”

Ava reached out, her hand cupping Sara’s knee, causing it to still. 

“It’s perfect. Thank you.”

She held out the necklace with her free hand. 

“Help me put it on?”

“Sure,” Sara breathed out the word and Ava turned, sweeping her hair up off her neck, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as Sara’s fingers brushed a feather light dance along her skin. “There you go. Gorgeous.”

It was Ava’s turn to blush, and her head ducked as her hand came up to clutch the charm. 

“Oh, you should open one of yours.”

She pushed up out of her seat, ignoring Sara’s protests as she grabbed a large flat box from under the tree.

“Yes, come on. I wasn’t expecting the rest of my family to show up, so you should probably open this one now.”

Sara’s eyes narrowed in question, before her face split into a wide mischievous grin. 

“Oh my god. It’s something kinky, isn’t it? Ava Sharpe!”

“Oh god,” Ava groaned, burying her face in her hands. “No! Of course not. It’s nothing like that.”

“You know, I’ve never really been into bondage, but I would be willing to try it again under the right circumstances.” Sara continued, shaking the box experimentally. “It doesn’t sound like handcuffs…”

“Sara! Would you just...” Ava waved a hand at the box, her cheeks on fire.

“You are so easy to mess with sometimes.”

“Why do you insist on doing this to me?” She groaned, finally lifting her head to see Sara smiling at her, all the teasing gone, leaving only fondness shining back at her from those crystal blue eyes.

Sara simply shrugged, the smile never wavering as their eyes locked. Clearing her throat, the shorter blonde focused back on the gift, tearing at the paper, carefully, like it was as important as the gift itself.

She opened the box to reveal the photo album and it was Ava’s turn to fidget, praying this had been a good idea.

“What’s this?” Sara asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she lifted the album, balancing it on her lap.

“I, uh, found a box of photos hidden in the back of the attic, and I thought it would be nice to…”

Sara flipped open the first page to find photos from her childhood staring back at her. A couple family portraits. A baby photo that was hers according to the notation on the back, one from her parents’ wedding, a couple from various school plays and events. Sara and Laurel, Sara and her dad, a couple with people Ava hadn’t recognized.

“Ava this is…” Sara looked up at her in pure awe, tears pooling in her eyes. “This is amazing.”

She flipped forward a few more pages, fingers tracing over the faces as she went.

“You’re going to have to tell me the story behind this one,” Ava murmured, reaching out to point at one of the images.

Sara let out a watery laugh. 

“Yeah, one day. I, uh, I’ll be right back.”

Sara stood up, placing the album gently to the side, before walking up the stairs, a hand swiping at her cheeks, and Ava’s heart sank. Maybe she had been wrong to go through Sara’s things. It was too personal. She shouldn’t have…

But then Sara was back, the small tin box she had pulled from the closet on that first day she had shown up at the house clutched in her hand. She picked up the album but instead of sitting back where she had been on the couch, she slid over to sit next to Ava so their knees were bumping against each other.

“What is that?” Ava asked, the curiosity she had been holding in since she had seen it that first day forcing its way out.

“Oh this? This is where I hid my pot.” Sara replied, her voice still scratchy.

“I doubt that’s good anymore.”

“Ha! Yeah, no, those joints were long bad. But this,” She continued, flipping open the lid to reveal a single photograph. “Was still there.”

There was a crease down the middle where it had been folded to fit in the small box, but she flattened it out, doing her best to work out the crease before flipping to the first empty page in the album and securing it. Ava stared down at the image of Sara, Laurel and their parents smiling back at her, Laurel dressed in her cap and gown at her high school graduation.

“It’s the last picture we took as a family. I thought it was the only one I had left. So, thank you, this is everything.”

Ava cleared her throat, fighting back her own tears threatening to fall. 

“Better than kinky lingerie?”

“Oh, well, I’m not sure about that…” Sara smiled, bumping her shoulder with her own. “But, really, this is amazing.”

“You’re welcome. Now, are you sure I can’t make you a cake?”

“Please no.”

“Can I at least put a candle on your pancakes?”

“Just one?”

“Yes, one.”

“Fine…”

Ava stood from the couch, reaching out to grab Sara’s hands and heave her up with her. “Come on and help me to not burn down the house.”

Ava left to get her parents while Sara stayed behind to finish preparing the rest of brunch. She had eaten her two pancakes earlier, after Ava had presented them to her with a flourish, and a single pink sparkly candle perched jauntily on top as promised.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had actually celebrated her birthday; it definitely hadn’t been the last couple years, or at least the five before that. But a single candle she could handle, especially when it was accompanied by Ava smiling at her like that. Maybe she could learn to like her birthday again.

She opened the oven and pulled out the glass dish, flipping the potatoes before shoving it back on the rack and closing the door. She had opted for a quiche over poached eggs, some sort of sausage casserole Ava had found a recipe for, and the home fries. The cheese platter and fruit were already on the table. The “Legends” had been planning to come over later and Sara suspected they would devour anything that happened to be left. Checking on the food in the oven one last time, she stripped off the oven mitt and walked toward the stairs. She had enough time to get dressed and make herself look somewhat presentable before Ava made it back.

She found the flask lying on her pillow when she entered her room, and ran a finger down over the engraved pattern before picking it up. Ava must have put it there when she had gone upstairs to get dressed earlier.

_“Aren’t you a little small to be a soldier?”_

_Sara looked over her shoulder to find a boy, probably not any older than herself, his silver white hair shaved in a fresh standard issue Army buzz cut, leaning against the wall behind her, arms crossed over his chest with a flourish. “Aren’t you a little openly gay to be one?”_

_“Not gay, but thanks for asking.”_

_Sara rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and don’t let the size fool you, I could kick your ass any day.”_

_“Is that a promise?”_

_Sara’s fists clenched at her sides. She had been itching to punch something, or someone, since the second they had filed off the bus at boot camp and oh, this asshole would do nicely._

_“Listen, ass wipe,” she started as she rounded on him._

_“Name’s Leonard. Leonard Snart but my friends call me Leo.”_

_“Fine, Leonard. I’m not interested so why don’t you keep moving before I’m forced to do something I’ll regret.”_

_Leo held up his hands and backed toward the door of the bunkhouse, the smirk still playing at his lips as he glanced up and down her uniform, eyes lingering on her name tag. “Sassy, I like that. See you around, Lance.”_

Sara shook her head, pocketing the flask before heading back toward the stairs. There would be plenty of time to get lost in memories after the holidays.

“Hey!” She greeted as she bounced down the last couple steps, the front door opening at the same time. “Merry Christmas, and perfect timing, food should be done any minute.”

Randy Sharpe was first through the door and smiled back as he unwound the scarf from around his neck, Pam came next and surprised Sara as she reached out to pull the blonde into a warm, tight hug the moment she was over the threshold. 

“Merry Christmas, dear.”

“Um, thanks. Merry Christmas to you too.” Sara replied, stunned. Pam loosened her hold and Sara took a step back, red tinting her cheeks. She hadn’t been hugged like that in years.

“Hey! Brunch smells great,” Ava said when she trailed in after Allie, all of them busy shrugging off their outerwear. “You need help with anything?”

“Nope,” Sara replied, backing toward the kitchen. “I’m just about to pull everything out of the oven. Fresh coffee is in the pot.”

She placed the dishes on the cooking racks with a triumphant smile, not a burnt crumb among them.

“And brunch is served.” She announced with a proud flourish as the others filtered into the dining room, taking in the spread of food.

“Wow, this looks great,” Randy said, patting his stomach. “But it’s so much, there’s no way we’ll finish this all.”

“Oh, don’t worry, the others will be over in a bit. This will be gone in no time, especially once Zari sees it.” Ava interjected, settling into her seat and motioning for everyone else to do the same.

“Everyone else? Oh, Sara will your family be here too?” Pam asked, turning her attention to the young woman.

Sara froze, her shoulders tensing at the innocent question. Of course, Ava wouldn’t go and spill her life story to anyone, even her family. “No, they- uh- they all passed away, but we have a group of friends who were planning to come over.”

“They’re family too.” Ava interjected and Sara shot her a grateful smile.

The easy conversation flowed as they dished up their plates, testing out the array of foods that, Sara was happy to admit, turned out pretty well. She easily fielded questions about growing up in Starling Falls and about the military. Ava told the (edited) story of Sara showing up on the doorstep two months prior and Sara couldn’t help but feel shocked. It had only been two months but she felt like a different person from the one who had driven into town with the intent on staying no longer than a night. 

“No Bloody Mary’s this morning, Sara? The one you made yesterday was amazing.” Allie piped up, while picking at the food on her plate.

“No, sorry, we don’t really keep alcohol in the house and we weren’t expecting guests.” Ava shrugged.,

“But you just said your friends were coming over.” Allie continued and Sara held back a wince.

“Oh, they know they bring their own. Actually, Nate will probably have a bottle or two with him when he comes.”

“Oh, Sara, before I forget, I ended up sending Ava’s presents ahead since our trip was so last minute, but I didn’t send anything for you, so I whipped this up last night. I hope you like it.” Pam said, handing a small bundle wrapped in tissue paper across the table.

Sara took it with a hesitant hand, praying no one else could see it shaking. She could feel all eyes on her as she peeled back the paper to reveal a deep burgundy knitted scarf. “you made this?”

“Well, Ava dropped us off so early last night and I had the time while this one fell asleep to the evening news.” Pam replied, pointing a thumb at her husband.

“It’s amazing. Thank you,” Sara replied, her fingers dancing over the stitches. It was so soft. And she couldn’t remember the last time someone had made her a present, let alone someone she barely knew and…

“Excuse me for a second.” Sara said suddenly, bolting up from her seat to dart up the stairs.

“Sara?” She heard a second set of chair legs scratch over the floor and she was already up the stairs and pacing her room when the gentle knock came on the doorframe.

“Hey, you okay?”

“I, um, no I’m not. Your mom made me a scarf. She made it for me overnight because she didn’t even know I existed until yesterday. And no one has ever done something like that for me. And I don’t mean the photo album because you know how much that means to me, I just mean—she came in and she hugged me so hard, and I haven’t been hugged like that in so long, not since _my_ mom. Only moms hug like that, and then the gift and I just-“

She plopped down on edge of the bed, sinking into the soft mattress, and buried her head in her hands, unable to hold back the flood of tears.

“Yeah, she’s good at that,” Ava replied, sitting down next to her. “She always seems to know when a kid needs a mom. Did I ever tell you I was adopted?”

“No.” Sara replied, drying her eyes as she looked over at the other woman.

“Yeah, I was two. I don’t remember anything from before them, but Mom always told me she knew, from all the other kids they met and saw, that I was the one who needed them. I was the quiet kid, the one who would hide when families came. ‘Not easily adoptable.’ She’s good at picking out the strays. So, I’m pretty sure you’re stuck with her now.” Ava gave her a soft smile. “You good?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Just got overwhelmed for a minute.”

A cacophony of noise emanated from downstairs and they both looked toward the door before looking back at each other.

“Good, because I think the cavalry has arrived.”

“Oh god, let’s go save your family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Just to clarify- Sara's "openly gay" comment was a jab at "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" which kept LGBTQ people from openly serving in the US military until it was repealed in 2011.


	17. Christmas Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday to you all. Here is the final Christmas installment for you all. Next up a New Year full of revelations and some hard decisions. Thank you, as always, for reading and for the love you have shown and continue to show this story. And thank you to my betas for putting up with me even when I give them a 24 hour turn around deadline so I can still post my chapter on Monday. Rockstars. 
> 
> Anyway, on to chapter 17. (And me with 7% battery power to spare on my laptop. Winner.)

Chapter 17: Christmas Part 3

Zari was placing a stack of white takeout boxes in the middle of the table when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Z, how did you even manage to find an open bakery on Christmas?” Sara asked, reaching out to give her new friend a hug as they joined the group at the table.

“I have my ways. Whoa- not that one.” Zari continued, pulling a small box of donuts out of Nate’s grasp causing him to pout. “There’s bagels, muffins, cookies, but mitts off the donuts. I’m stopping by the station later.”

“Ooo, so those are for your girlfriend.” Nate teased, no longer affronted.

“Not my girlfriend. And Charlie prefers ‘they’ pronouns.”

“Noted.” Nate replied, grabbing a muffin from another box. “Merry Christmas Sara, Ava. You didn’t tell us your family was going to be in town!”

“It was a surprise,” Ava replied, smiling as she looked around at the eclectic group now gathered around the table. “Mom, Dad, Allie, this is Nate, Zari and Jax, and I’m guessing Ray and Nora will be here soon.”

As if on cue the front door opened revealing Ray and Nora bundled in their winter coats.

“Speak of the devil.”

“Hey everyone!”

The room erupted in another round of greetings as the couple shed their jackets and found chairs to pull up to the table.

“Merry Christmas,” Ray continued with a big smile. “Zari- Happy December 25 th .”

Zari replied with a tip of her invisible hat, her mouth already stuffed with potatoes.

“Hey, Ray,” Sara greeted back, giving her old friend a hug. “Where’s my favorite little man today?”

“Ah, Brad is spending a couple extra hours with my mom before we head over there for the afternoon. So, he’s probably being spoiled rotten and eating way too much sugar.”

“He’ll be fine,” Nora interjected, patting her husband on the chest. “Merry Christmas, Sara.”

“Merry Christmas! Sit, eat. There is plenty. Oh, and Zari, that’s turkey bacon in the quiche.”

“Sweet!” The other woman cheered, cutting into the egg dish with the knife.

“Merry Christmas, Dr. Sharpe!” Ray smiled warmly at Ava, before reaching for a plate.

Ava shook her head, chuckling. “Ray, it’s Christmas, can you  _ please _ call me Ava?”

“No can do, Dr. Sharpe.”

“You’re ridiculous. Hey, Nora.” She turned to her new friend, greeting her with a quick hug.

“Ava. Hey, so how did the present hunt go?” Nora asked, glancing over to Sara, her voice dropping to a whisper.

Ava’s hand came up automatically, to clutch at the locket clasped around her neck. 

“Good, it went really good.”

Nora’s face broke out into a small, knowing smile and she patted Ava on the arm before following Ray’s lead and squeezing in next to him at the table.

Ava slid back into her spot next to Allie and looked around the table, taking in the lively conversation and banter breaking out within the group. Nate had engaged her mother in conversation about something, while her father talked to Ray and Nora. Sara punched Jax in the shoulder in response to something he said, and Zari was reaching for another helping of potatoes, peppering comments into Sara and Jax’s conversation. A smile spread slowly across Ava’s face.

It was a good day.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Ava responded, turning her attention from the group to the younger woman by her side.

Allie’s eyes dipped and Ava followed her gaze, looking down to where her hand still gripped the locket. 

“That’s pretty.”

“Thanks, uh, it was a Christmas present.”

“From Sara?”

Ava looked over at her in surprise. 

“What makes you think that?”

Allie rolled her eyes. 

“I’m not blind and I’m not dumb. Are you two dating?” 

Ava opened her mouth to deny it, to deny any relationship with Sara, but snapped it shut just as quickly. It would be a lie and not fair to herself or to Sara. So, she gave the truth quietly. 

“No. She knows I’m not ready.”

Allie fell quiet, and Ava let out a sigh of relief hoping the topic was dropped.

“So, what? You start dating and you move out here permanently, forget your life in Star City ever existed?”

Allie’s voice started to rise and Ava moved to quiet her as the rest of the table started to take notice. Sara turned to them, raising an eyebrow in question. 

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” Ava replied over her shoulder, before turning her attention back to Allie. “Can we talk about this later please?”

“No.”

Ava glanced around the table again. 

“Excuse us.”

She pushed out of her seat and stalked toward the kitchen, knowing Allie would follow.

“What’s going on, Allie?”

“What’s going on? Seriously, Ava? You left. That’s what’s going on.”

Yes, she left. Of course, she left. She needed to get away, to clear her head, and Allie knew that. She understood that, didn’t she?

“Yeah, but you…”

“I know, you lost her and you’re grieving. But you know what? I lost her too, and then on top of that I lost you. You disappeared, Ava. Everyone just disappeared. My parents just melted away. You took off the first chance you got, and before that you weren’t really there anyway. I have been alone in this. People try, but no one else gets it. And I was hoping, holding onto the idea that I could come here and maybe you would be ready to grieve with me, and now what? You’re miraculously fine again and shacking up with your rebound girl? Does she even know about Devon or did you just finally manage to forget everything?”

Ava stood stunned, tears stinging at her own eyes as she watched the trails of tears streaming down Allie’s face.

“First of all,” she started quietly as she took a step toward the young woman who was still trembling with anger. “I am going to forgive most of that because I know you’re angry and grieving and you don’t mean it in your heart. Second, no I haven’t  _ forgotten  _ about Devon. I never will forget about her. Ever. And I’m not  _ fine _ but I do need to heal and move on. And it’s been so hard but I am trying, and I am trying to do it for myself, not because of Sara or anyone else. For me.”

Ava paused to draw in a shaky breath, willing her own temper to stay even as the tears slowly rolled down her cheeks. 

“To answer your question- yes, she knows about Devon. She knows everything. And I don’t know what’s going to happen or if anything is at all, but I deserve the chance to find out.” Her hands came up, clasped in front of her mouth as she drew in another breath. Because this one was on her. “I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. I was so lost in my own grief I didn’t realize how much you were suffering too. So, I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you, but I’m in a position now where I can be, if you still want me.”

Allie only nodded, her arms wrapped around her body as she sniffled through her tears, and Ava stepped forward, arms outstretched for the other woman.

“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” She comforted as Allie sank into her, her arms wrapped around Ava like a vise as she sobbed into her neck. “I didn’t realize how much things have been falling apart at home.”

“They’re just gone, Ava. Everyone just disappeared.”

“Have you been talking to anyone? A therapist? It’s really been helping me.”

“I did for a bit.” Allie replied with a sniffle, pulling back from Ava. “But I stopped after a while because I was doing better.”

“Maybe it’s time to start going again.”

“Yeah,” Allie agreed, swiping at the wet smudges on her cheeks. “Maybe that would be good. You’re seeing someone?”

“Yep, I started last month. Twice a week, it really helps. Sara’s the one who convinced me. She’s the one who broke through.”

Through the haze of grief, the depression, Ava looked around at the dusty, bare house that she had existed in as a ghost for months and had somehow become a home since Sara had barged through the door. The group of lovable idiots laughing in the other room with her parents had included them, included  _ her  _ as part of their family.

She had grown with this house.

“But you are coming home, right?”

“I-,” Ava paused. “I’m not ready.”

“But you will be?”

“I- I don’t know. I hope so.”

Sara looked up as Ava and Allie came back into the dining room. She had caught snippets of the argument, everyone had, but they all pretended not to hear, out of respect for her and for the doctor. She was so grateful that no one had prodded at the status of their relationship or asked who Devon was.

“You okay?” Sara mouthed once she caught Ava’s eye, letting out a sigh of relief when Ava answered with a nod and squeezed Allie’s shoulder. Allie looked up and gave her a tentative smile too and Sara found herself smiling back. Okay then.

The group spilled over into the living room once the food had been polished off, mimosas or bloody Mary’s in the hands of those who wanted one, courtesy of Nate’s forethought to raid the bar on his way over. Only Sara and Zari had ended up abstaining. Ava had tried to decline out of politeness but Sara shoved a drink in her hand with a roll of her eyes. Jax and Ray were both vibrating with excitement as they gathered around the tree, passing out presents.

“It’s seriously like you guys are still twelve,” Sara teased as she handed each of them her gifts and watched as they shook and squished the packages.

“What was wrong with being twelve? Twelve was an awesome year,” Jax shot back.

“Right? That was the year we almost got caught going cow tipping at Anderson's farm. Oh, and Nate’s mom did catch us getting drunk on her gin.” Ray chimed in.

Sara grimaced at that one.

“Never was able to stomach gin since.”

“Oh, and when we all decided it was a fantastic idea to skinny dip in the falls in March.” Ray continued.

“I’m pretty sure I did actually get hypothermia from that one. My mom was so mad.” Jax replied laughing. “She grounded me for like a month.”

“Your mom hated me.” Sara said. “She never said it, but I could see it in her eyes.”

“Nah, she didn’t,” Jax replied, busying himself with tearing at the paper on his present. “I mean, she didn’t like you being the ringleader of the group who got her sweet innocent boy into so much trouble.”

“Sweet and innocent my ass. Half those plans were your idea.”

Jax laughed. 

“I know, right? But look at this face.”

He pointed at himself as he cocked his head with his best puppy dog eyes. 

“But no, Sara. She didn’t hate you. Oh man, she laid into Mary after you left. Did everything she could to find you short of bringing in the cops. Didn’t want you labeled as a delinquent or runaway or anything. I think she even hired a PI. Was learning everything she could to help you get emancipated so you wouldn’t have to be seventeen and in the system.”

The room fell silent except for Sara’s soft ‘oh’. She had been so lost in her grief that it had been lost on her that anyone cared at all, let alone cared that much. Mary’s words had been the only ones that had burned in her memory. Everything else was just a blur.

“So, how exactly did any of you actually survive childhood?” Zari piped up after another moment causing the entire room to burst into laughter, effectively breaking the sullen silence.

“Pure dumb luck,” Nora answered. “Emphasis on the dumb.”

“Hey, we weren’t that bad.” Sara shot back.

“Yeah we were. Remember the rope bridge incident?” Ray interjected.

“The one we swore never to talk about ever again? Yeah, I remember. Now shove it.”

“Right.” Ray had the decency to look chagrined as he turned his attention back to his present, tearing away the rest of the paper.

The group shared more stories, filling the room with laughter as they tore through the pile of gifts. Among her presents, Sara opened a new hat from Ava—a new knit beanie with a fleece lining that the other blonde pulled down over Sara’s head herself to check the fit, ensuring it covered her ears, and Sara found her face hurting from the wide grin she had been wearing the entire day. But apparently great minds did think alike because she had gotten Ava one that was similar, along with a new pair of winter boots since the woman’s wardrobe still wasn’t equipped for harsh winters, and a _Cooking_ _for_ _Dummies_ cookbook that earned her a half-hearted glare.

Ava pulled the last gift out from under the tree, a large flat box and handed it over to Sara.

“This is yours.”

Sara looked at her in confusion. “You’ve already given me four presents, Aves.”

“And you’re getting a fifth.” Ava replied, sliding closer to Sara on the floor, the others already falling into discussions amongst themselves or busy messing with their new gadgets and other gifts.

Sara squished the box gently. It was relatively light for its size, possibly clothing. She pried the tape off with her finger and flipped the top off the box to reveal a jacket…  _ her  _ jacket.

“Did you steal my clothing?” She asked before she could stop herself and Ava just grinned in response.

“I  _ may _ have borrowed it from your room.”

“I didn’t even notice it was gone.” Sara admitted and Ava just rolled her eyes. It was her backup. The one that had been identical to the green army jacket she wore almost daily and was getting to the point of being threadbare.

“Given the state of your wardrobe I’m not surprised. Half of your clothes are still in a pile on the floor.”

“Shush.” Sara replied but lifted the jacket up. It was heavier. “What did you do?”

“I had a lining put in it. Now you won’t freeze in the middle of winter wearing that thin excuse for winter wear.”

Sara swung the coat onto her body, shoving her arms through the sleeves and oh wow. The warmth surrounded her like a cocoon. 

“This is amazing. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. I guess we're both set for the snow now.”

“I guess so.” 

They shared another smile, momentarily lost in their own world sitting on the floor in front of their perfectly imperfect lopsided Christmas tree, the small white lights twinkling around them, until Ray cleared his throat and stood, announcing that they needed to be heading out.

Ray’s declaration acted as a cue for the rest of the group and they all started gathering up their belongings and coats, making their way toward the door with a series of hugs, ‘thank you’s, and Merry Christmases before filing out the door into the December afternoon.

All of their friends had left by early afternoon, off to meet up with parents or other family members for dinner. Or in Zari’s case, off to the sheriff’s office to spend time with Charlie who, if you asked her, she was definitely  _ not _ dating.

“You’re going to tease her about that later, right?” Ava asked as she and Sara stood huddled on the front porch, watching the brunette walk down the path, and turn down the sidewalk, the box of donuts clutched in her hand.

“Oh yeah.” Sara responded with a laugh.

Ava turned to go back inside to where her family was still in the living room, pausing in confusion as Sara pulled on her “new” coat and stuffed her feet into her shoes. “Where are you off to?”

“Cemetery.” Sara answered with a small smile. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Okay, say hi for me. And try not to get hypothermia.”

“I won’t be too late.” Sara replied before ducking into the living room and giving the others a quick goodbye, earning yet another hug from Ava's mother.

Sara disappeared out the front door and Ava sat down, eyeing the piles of presents and wrapping left scattered around the room. She’d clean later.

It had been a surprisingly good day full of fun and laughter, very different from any other Christmas she had celebrated. Growing up it had been immediate family only, then for the past few years she had generally been working or at least on call on Christmas Day. But Starling Falls kept managing to surprise her, each day mending one of the hundreds of small fissures present on her heart.

“So,” her dad started as he settled onto the couch next to her, speaking low so only she could hear. “I came here with a plan. I was going to buy you a plane ticket, help you pack a bag, and do everything I could to bring you home to Star City with us tomorrow. I was so sure we would find you miserable and alone out here. But after the last couple of days, I can see that assumption was wrong. So, I only have one question for you.”

“What’s that?” Ava asked, her voice shaking at her father’s revelation, a spiral of thousands of potential questions speeding through her brain in the second it took for him to respond.

“Are you happy?”

All the tension left her body and she felt the smile spread over her lips before she could even try to hold it back. Things weren’t perfect, they were far from it in fact. She still had her bad days, her bad nights, and she didn’t see them going away completely anytime soon. She and Sara were stuck in some weird limbo between friends and the potential to be something more, and life in a small town was a far cry from the fast paced life she was used to. Having her family around just for two days had reminded her how much she did miss her friends and her parents- the parts of her life that she had left across the country. But was she happy?

“Yeah, Dad. I think I am.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening all! Thank you once again to my rockstar betas for being willing to read this over at the last minute so I was still able to post on time. Here it is, a moment you all have been waiting for (well maybe more than one moment) so I hope you enjoy it. This chapter turned out a little shorter than I had hoped but hopefully quality content > quantity. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 18

The next week passed in a blur and before either of them knew it, they were ringing in the new year in Ray and Nora’s living room, their group of friends (now including Charlie) cheering as the ball dropped and toasting with glasses of champagne or another bubbling beverage. Sara had felt content all night, happy to be surrounded by her friends, and Ava had been by her side most of the night, laughing, joking around, dancing with her to 90s pop, one hand on her arm, the other’s fingers brushing against her waist. When the clock hit twelve and Ava’s lips grazed across her cheek bone to whisper Happy New Year in her ear, she was ready to melt on the spot.

January turned into February with a pile of snow on the ground. One night more than halfway through the month, Sara found herself seated on the living room floor chiseling cracked tiles off of the fireplace, the modern turntable blasting a song from one of Ava’s folksy rock vinyl records. When the front door opened, a gust of cold air blew through the already drafty house.

“Hey! So, I’m almost done getting the old tiles off, I was thinking of replacing them with white brick-look ones, or maybe some sort of white stone. I know we were talking about subway tiles but I’m just not sure that look will really go with the house, you know? What do you think?”

“I think it’s a good choice.”

Sara froze, her mallet poised mid-air. She turned, an eyebrow arching in surprise when she saw Mary hovering in the entry. Her arms fell slack, and she placed the chisel and mallet on the floor with care before turning to face the other woman head on, not bothering to stand up.

“Aunt Mary, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Hi, Sara,” the older woman began, reaching up to drag the knit winter hat from her head, her movements more hesitant than Sara had seen in all of her 32 years of life. “I’m sorry to have just barged in, but it seems the doorbell is broken and I didn’t think you could hear when I knocked. I thought it was time we had a talk.”

Sara glanced back over her shoulder at the record player before sighing and levering herself to her feet, taking a moment to stretch the kinks from her legs and back before attempting to walk across the room to turn it off. The home exercise routine her new physical therapist had given her was helping, but nothing would completely cure the damage to her back, and winter was only making it worse.

She had half a mind to just show Mary the door once and for all, but sixteen years of history, and a laundry list of fond memories nodded the woman into the room instead. Sara gestured for her to hang up her coat before leading the way into the kitchen. If she couldn’t have whiskey, this conversation at least called for coffee.

She started the coffee in silence, not bothering with small talk as she pulled the mugs down from the cabinet and then stood, fingertips tapping against the counter top as the coffee maker gurgled and belched steam.

“So,” Sara finally prompted as she slid into her seat at the kitchen table, placing one mug in front of her godmother.

“So,” Mary echoed, her hands wrapping around the cup, as if she were trying to draw both heat and strength from the steaming liquid. “I first wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

Sara’s fingers blanched white as they dug into her ceramic mug, but she stayed silent, letting the other woman continue.

“I am sorry for what I did all those years ago, and I’m sorry for what I said when you came back to town. I’ve had a lot of time to think and reflect, and I know I was wrong. I was angry. It was anger that I had been bottling up for a long time, and you were an easy target, both then and now. And you didn’t deserve it. So, I truly am sorry, Sara.”

Sara stared down into coffee, watching as a curl of steam rose from the surface. It would be easy to just nod and accept the words, to pretend like the rift that had lasted the past fifteen years hadn’t happened. But she deserved more than easy.

“I blamed myself for years for them dying. Every possible scenario of what I could have done differently running through my head. Maybe if I had been here, I would have noticed something. If I had come back sooner, I could have gotten them out. Maybe if I hadn't said what I said to my mom that night, they would have come looking for me worried, and wouldn’t have been in the house. What if I knocked something loose in the wall when I threw that pan?

“I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I put myself in reckless situations. I volunteered for near suicide missions. I didn’t care if I lived or died. And I’m not putting that on you. I own my own choices, but I was a kid, Mary. I needed the only family I had left, and instead you told me to go to hell, and I did, and I lived there for way too long. It took everything I had to come back here, to find that peace. So, I thank you for the apology, but I can’t forgive you yet.”

Mary nodded before standing from her chair, her hat clutched in her hands. 

“I understand, and I know there is no way that I will be able to take back that hurt, but if I can ever earn your forgiveness, just know I would really like to learn about your life. From what people have been saying, it sounds like you’re a hero, Sara. They would have been proud of you.”

Sara sat staring down into her mug as Mary walked past her to the front door. She had always thought that if Mary ever apologized, she would take it, needing nothing more than the acknowledgement that the older woman had been wrong, but when it came down to it, she realized that she needed more. She deserved more.

Ava dropped her notes for the second time that afternoon. Her hands would not stop shaking, and it felt like her stomach had jumped up to sit in her throat. Was it possible to throw up one’s own stomach? Medically it was improbable, but at the moment it felt like a very real possibility.

So far, she had seen five people for the flu, wrapped one sprained ankle, treated two ear infections, and diagnosed a list of other random ailments. While life in the rest of the town seemed to slow in the snow, her clinic was definitely booming. Nora had stopped by with a coffee, and an encouraging smile.

She could do this. She would do this. She was ready. She thought so, and her therapist had agreed at their latest session. She bent down and picked up the papers scattered across the floor of her office and took a deep breath.

Her phone buzzed and Allie’s name appeared on her screen.

“Hey,” Ava answered, lifting her cell to her ear.

“So, I got your rambling excuse for a text. How are you holding up?”

Ava sighed, slumping down in the clinic’s wobbly desk chair. 

“I’m freaking out.”

“Ava, you have no reason to be freaking out. Everything is going to be fine.” Allie soothed.

They had started talking again since Christmas, at least once a week, but more often than not once a day. At least an exchange of text messages. Allie had taken her advice and had made new appointments with her therapist. It wasn’t the same as before, it never would be. Devon was no longer there to be the glue between them, but they were building a new relationship that was their own.

“And you’re sure you’re okay with this?” Ava questioned the younger woman for the third time in as many days.

“I said I am, and this is not something I would lie to you about. Sara is great, even if I wasn’t willing to admit it when we first met.”

“What if she says no?”

“She’s not going to say no.”

“But how can you be so sure?”

“Have you met you? She would be crazy to say no.”

“But I’m-.”

“Don’t even finish that sentence Ava Sharpe. You’re amazing, and you deserve to be happy. So, don’t back out.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Love you. Go kick some ass.”

“Love you too, baby girl.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Ava stared down at her phone smiling as she hung up, and the bell on the door chimed announcing the arrival of her next patient. She just had to get through one last hour at the office. She could do this.

Sara was sitting on the couch, head bent over the photo album propped on the coffee table when the door opened, sending a blast of cold air through the room for the second time that day. She had tumbled down a rabbit hole of memories after Mary had left, the tiles, tools and tarp scattered around the fireplace all but forgotten. 

She had taken her time flipping through the photos Ava had thoughtfully placed in the book before pulling some from her few boxes of belongings, mostly memories of her time in the military, and sticking them to the next few blank pages. A half-smoked joint sat snuffed out in an ashtray next to the album on the table, and she knew the house probably reeked of marijuana, but it was either that or another Valium after the day she’d had, and she was trying very hard to keep her pill use to a minimum.

“Hey,” Sara started, glancing up momentarily to make sure it was really Ava who had entered before continuing. “Sorry about the smell, I know I promised to keep it outside but you won’t believe who stopped by today.”

Sara flipped another page in the book but paused, when she received no reply. 

“Aves?”

She turned, to find Ava standing awkwardly in the entry, cap still on her head, boots on her feet, her hands shoved in the pockets of her wool peacoat. Sara’s head cocked to the side as she took in the crease between Ava’s eyebrows, the way she was worrying her lower lip with her teeth.

“What’s wrong? Ava?”

Ava let out a quick breath, mumbling a string of nonsensical sounds under her breath, and Sara’s brow furrowed as she pushed up to her feet, taking a step toward the other woman. 

“What? You’re not making sense. Ava, you’re scaring me.”

Ava sucked in another breath, holding it in for a long moment before breathing it out slowly, her next words coming out in a rush. 

“Go-on-a-date-with-me?”

It was Sara’s turn to stumble, her breath leaving her in a gush even as a wide smile cracked along her lips. And all of a sudden, the weight of her conversation with Mary, the flood of 32 years’ worth of bittersweet memories, flew from her shoulders. 

“What?”

“Please don’t make me ask it again.”

“I’m sorry, ask what exactly?” She teased as she took another step closer, and another until they were standing inches apart, Ava still looking the most nervous she had ever seen her. “I couldn’t hear you over how adorably nervous you are.”

“Sara.”

“Just one more time.” The words came out soft, and she looked up at the doctor with a reassuring smile.

“I’m ready, have been for a couple of weeks now, but I just wanted to be one hundred percent sure before I said anything, because I didn’t want to lead you on, but I’m ready. So, would you like to go on a date with me?” Ava blurted it all out in a single breath and Sara’s smile grew impossibly wider.

Sara leaned in, her turn to graze her lips across the taller woman’s cheek before whispering her answer in her ear. 

“Yes, I would, Dr. Sharpe.”

Ava’s body slumped down, relief rolling off her as she smiled at Sara, reaching down to grasp her hand. 

“Really?”

“Really. Did you think I’d say no?”

“Yes--no--I mean, I hoped you wouldn’t.”

Sara rocked forward, her body encroaching dangerously on Ava’s personal space, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. Something had changed, shifted enough for Ava to be ready to ask her out, to take this next step, and she was too happy to contain her excitement. 

“So where are you taking me on this date, Doctor Sharpe?”

“I, um,” Ava stuttered, her eyes going wide. “I hadn’t really gotten that far.”

Sara’s smile just grew wider, her cheeks aching, and she forced herself to take a step back, instead of stepping forward to kiss the worried look off of Ava’s face. 

“Don’t worry. I have an idea. Tomorrow night?”

“Sure,” Ava replied, finally reaching up to pull her beanie off her head before turning to the entry table to put down her keys. “I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this.”

Sara stepped toward her again, once she stood back up straight from toe-ing off her boots, and pulled at the lapels of Ava’s coat until they were millimeters apart. 

“You’re great at this, Ava Sharpe. Don’t talk bad about the woman I’m dating, okay? I think she’s pretty amazing.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... there's so much smooshy sweetness in this chapter it'll give you sugar shock. You're welcome. Enjoy!!!!

Chapter 19

Sara stared out the window at the veritable blizzard raging outside. It had started out with just a flurry that morning, but had continued to gain strength throughout the day until even Ray had closed down the bar early. Ava had come rushing home from the clinic just in time for the wind to pick up and the quaint fall of snowflakes to turn into this white out.

“Well,” Ava sighed, coming up behind her. “Looks like date night is going to have to be postponed.”

“Are you crazy?” Sara responded as she let the curtains fall back into place and spun around, bringing her toe to toe with the other woman. “It’s going to take more than a little snow to stop this date.”

Ava arched a perfectly shaped eyebrow at her, arms folding over her chest. 

“A little snow?”

“Yep. Barely a flake.”

“Sara, I’m sorry to ruin whatever you have planned, but I’m not driving anywhere in that. We can just do it later this week.”

“Who said anything about driving? Just a couple small adjustments to the plan and we’re having our date right here.”

Ava’s eyebrow arched again, but she failed to suppress her grin, letting Sara know that she was not at all disappointed by her declaration. Just as Sara was about to respond, the lights flickered and the house went black.

“Okay,” Sara considered as she looked around the room, silent other than the soft howl of wind outside. “We may need a couple more adjustments.”

They made quick work of stacking the contents of the refrigerator and freezer on the porch to stay cold until the power turned back on and then Sara chased Ava upstairs to her room.

“Go relax, take a nap, get dressed, and I’ll come and get you when everything is ready.”

“But I can help.”

Sara shook her head. 

“This is a proper date. And I said I was planning it, so I will come and pick you up at your place when everything is ready.”

“My place? You mean my room?” Ava questioned as Sara practically shoved her toward the stairs.

“Yes, exactly. And no peeking.”

Ava glanced over her shoulder one last time as she ascended the stairs, before disappearing around the corner to her room. With a final determined nod Sara turned and marched back to the kitchen. Dinner would need some modifications but luckily having a gas stove meant she could still cook with the power out. She rummaged around the utility closet for the emergency kit. It was still somewhat light outside, despite the blizzard, but it wouldn’t stay that way for long. She ripped off the lid of the plastic tote and pulled out a couple of different lanterns and a pack of batteries, setting them on the table beside the tub.

"Sara!”

Sara turned to the call coming from the stairs, her brow furrowed.

“What’s up?” She called out, reaching back into the tub.

“Can you come here?”

Sara stuck her head out of the kitchen doorway and looked up to see Ava hovering on the top step, her hand plastered over her eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“You told me not to peek.” Ava replied with a grin and a shrug, her hand never dropping from its shielded position. “So, I’m not peeking.”

Sara let out an involuntary chuckle as she grinned madly back at the other woman.

“Can you get me a flashlight out of the emergency kit? My room is getting pretty dark and my phone is almost dead.”

“Shit! Yes, I’m so sorry. I should have thought of that.” Sara’s eyes went wide as she rushed into the kitchen and pulled a large flashlight from the bin, making sure to test it before darting up the stairs, muttering curses at herself the whole way. How could she have forgotten that?

“Here you go. Sorry about that.” The words rushed out, and she placed the heavy flashlight in Ava’s free hand. She had started back down the stairs when Ava caught her by the arm.

Sara turned back to see the other woman, her eyes still closed, smiling gently at her.

“Hey, stop freaking out.”

“I’m not freaking out.”

Ava’s hand ghosted up her arm, leaving a trail of gooseflesh in its wake. Her fingers trailed up Sara’s neck, and Sara’s breath caught in her throat as they danced across her cheek and over the bridge of her nose until the tips of her fingers brushed gently over the crease that had formed between her eyebrows.

“Yeah, you are. You get this line here when you’re stressed.”

Sara deflated, any last ounce of resistance shocked out of her by how well Ava knew her, and how the smallest contact between them was enough to calm her. 

“I just want everything to be perfect.”

Ava’s hand drifted back down, but before Sara could mourn the loss of contact, it wrapped around the back of her neck, Ava’s fingers twirling through the fine hairs at the nape of her neck. 

“It will be.”

“But I-.”

“Hey, don’t talk bad about the woman I’m dating. This date is already perfect because it’s with you.”

Sara was about to call her out for throwing her own words back at her but then she had gone and said that too and-- 

“God, I could kiss you right now.”

Ava smiled back at her, teeth nipping into her bottom lip as her hand trailed back down Sara’s arm to catch her hand. 

“Take me on my date first, okay?”

She turned then, dropping Sara’s fingers with one final squeeze as she maneuvered back to her room flashlight in hand. Sara turned and slumped back against the wall watching her go, a goofy grin plastered on her face. She was so screwed. Ava Sharpe already had her heart, hook, line, and sinker, and she couldn’t bring herself to be mad about it in the slightest.

Ava was sitting on the edge of her bed, hands fidgeting nervously in her lap when the knock came on her door. She stood slowly, wiping her palms on the front of her jeans. She had no reason to be nervous, it was just Sara. Sara who she had seen every day for the past four months. Sara who already knew the darkest things about her, who had already met her family, who had held her when she cried.

She had no reason to be nervous. But it was Sara.

She had taken her time getting ready, doing her hair and makeup the best she could in the dim glow of the flashlight. She had pinned earrings to her ears and tried on at least three outfits, dismissing her dresses outright. She wanted- needed- to feel comfortable- to feel like herself. She had attempted to read a book, giving up after rereading the same line ten times. She still had no idea what it had said. She had been too wired to nap, and so she had just been left to sit and think. She hadn’t been on a first date in nearly seven years. What did people even do on dates anymore? Was she ready for this? She was, right?

Her hand gripped the knob and she sucked in a deep breath before pulling the door open, bringing her face to face with a bouquet of lopsided balls of tissue paper teetering on top of cooking dowels that had every last ounce of nervousness draining from her in a fit of giggles.

“What the hell is this?”

Sara frowned at her from around the edges of her creation, her finger coming up to prop one of the balls, dangling by a strip of tape, back up where it belonged. 

“Flowers.”

“Are you sure?”

“Hush. I’m not crafty, okay? I was going to pick up real ones on my way to get you today, but that obviously didn’t happen.”

“It’s very sweet. Thank you.”

Ava took them in one hand, careful not to let any of the ‘flowers’ fall off their stems as she carried them into her room and placed them on her dresser, but not before catching a whiff of- 

“Did you spray perfume on them?”

Sara nodded, shrugging as she shoved her hands in her pockets. 

“Maybe.”

And even though she didn’t think it would actually be possible, Ava felt herself falling a little bit more for the other woman. She crossed the room in a couple long strides and ducked down to place a kiss on Sara’s cheek before coaxing her hand out of her pocket and lacing their fingers.

“You’re amazing. And you look amazing.” Ava complimented as she took in Sara’s outfit, the way she had taken the time to do her hair and makeup just as Ava had. Like it was a proper date and not them just hanging out in their living room like a typical evening.

“So do you. I’ll never get tired of seeing this top on you.”

Ava felt heat flame at her cheeks despite the fact that it was far from warm in their drafty house. It was true that the vee-neck on the sweater she had chosen was a little lower cut than the others she owned but that hadn’t been why- oh who was she kidding, that was the exact reason she had chosen it. 

“Thank you.”

“Right this way,” Sara guided, holding out an elbow for Ava to link her arm through as they walked down the stairs and into the living room.

“Oh wow,” Ava gaped at the sight. A fire was crackling in the fireplace, and a classic rock song crooned from their battery-operated FM radio. But beyond that almost every surface was covered in candles, filling the space with soft flickering light.

“I may have slightly depleted the emergency supplies but I think it was worth it.”

“Totally worth it. This is amazing.”

Sara led her over to the coffee table, and Ava caught sight of two cushions side by side on the floor, a place setting in front of each one. “I was going to set it up in the dining room but it’s warmer in here.”

Ava settled on one of the cushions and watched as Sara poured water into both of their glasses and produced a bottle of wine Ava didn’t even know they had. 

“Nate left it one of the last times everyone was over, if you want some.”

“No thanks, I’m good.”

Sara replied with a small smile before disappearing into the kitchen, only to return a moment later carrying a tray of food. She unloaded the salads first, grumbling a comment about purposefully having something green, causing Ava to chuckle before she noticed the rest of the meal--grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

“The ultimate bad weather comfort food.” Sara presented it with a flourish.

“Oh, this is perfect, I’ve been craving grilled cheese all day!”

“Me too.” Sara agreed with a grin, settling down on her own seat, and spread a blanket across both of their laps. “I was going to attempt something more elaborate, but with the crock pot and instant pot out of commission, and not really wanting to tempt fate lighting the oven manually, I thought it was best just to stick to the basics.”

“It’s perfect. So,” Ava started as she tore off a piece of her sandwich and dunked it into the bowl of soup. “I haven’t done this in a while but I feel like we’ve already covered all the first date basics, so tell me something I don’t know about you.”

Sara thoughtfully chewed her food for a moment before swallowing. 

“I can tap dance.”

“What? No way, me too! I took dance all the way up until I graduated high school.”

“I stopped at fourteen but I’m pretty sure I could bring it back up if I had to. I also know at least ten different ways to kill a person with my bare hands.” Sara shrugged, sending a smug smirk Ava’s direction.

Oh, how she hated how much she loved that arrogant smirk.

“Okay, that one I can’t do.” Ava conceded, nudging Sara’s leg with her toe. “Thank you for doing all of this. This is a really nice first date.”

Sara ducked her head but Ava could still see the blush rising up her cheeks. 

“You’re worth it.”

They stayed on the living room floor, huddled under that blanket, talking about everything and nothing long after their food was gone. It was as if nothing had changed, their relationship flowing as organically as it had since they had jumped off that cliff together. But at the same time, everything was different. The looks, the touches, the freedom to reach out and grab Ava’s hand, the ability to curl an errant lock of hair behind her ear, to trace her cheekbone with her thumb. It was all different in the best possible ways. Once the candles burned low and were starting to snuff themselves out, Sara stood, offering her hand to the other woman, and walked her up the stairs so they were standing outside the closed door to the master bedroom. 

“Thank you again for tonight.” Ava stated, shifting from foot to foot as she glanced over her shoulder to her door.

“Thank you.” Sara responded in kind before sucking in a deep breath and taking a step toward the other woman, and reached up to cup her cheek.

She leaned in until their faces were inches apart, the warmth of Ava’s breath wafting over her skin. 

“Can I kiss you?”

Instead of answering Ava surged forward, their lips meeting, soft and warm in the cold February air. The world stilled and she sank into the kiss, her lips parting slightly as Ava hummed out a soft moan. It felt like she was floating, her body free of the weight of the world. She had only felt like this once before, when the world had gone white and still and the pain she had been feeling so intensely was suddenly gone. This was what heaven felt like. Her hands came up, fingers threading through Ava’s hair, holding onto her as she deepened the kiss, and Ava’s hand did the same, cupping Sara’s face with her palm, her thumb dancing along her cheek.

When they finally parted, both breathless, Ava leaned forward resting her forehead against Sara’s. 

“I would say goodnight but it’s so cold, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.”

A small smile spread across Sara’s mouth and she tilted her chin up to press another light kiss to Ava’s lips before stepping back. 

“Go change into your pajamas and get your comforter and any other heavy blankets. I have an idea.”

Sara hurried down the hall to her own room and stepped back out a few minutes later in a pair of military issue sweatpants and a black tank top with a wad of bedding in her own arms, the mattress pad she had stripped from her bed flopping down to trail behind her.

“What are we doing?” Ava asked as she followed behind the shorter blond, peering around her own armful so she wouldn’t trip down the stairs.

“We’re building a pallet in front of the fire. Laurel and I did this all the time when the power would go out. Plus, cuddling is one of the best ways to prevent hypothermia.”

Ava rolled her eyes at the smirk Sara shot her. 

“That I did know.”

They set about building the makeshift bed on the floor, placing the mattress pad down first before layering blanket after blanket on top. They finished it off with a mountain of pillows piled against the coffee table, using it as a headboard. The fireplace looked less than perfect following Sara’s half-finished demo job from the night before but the fire was warm and illuminated the room in a soft glow as they snuggled under the top blanket.

Sara rolled on her side to face her, and Ava did the same.

“Hey,” Ava said softly.

“Hey,” Sara echoed in kind, the soft crackle of the fire their only soundtrack.

“I had a really good time tonight.”

“Me too. Maybe next time we’ll even make it out of the house. Though if you show up in that sweater again, it won’t be likely,” Sara teased with a smile, her body inching closer to Ava.

“Shut up.” Ava responded, trying and failing to suppress her laugh. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Admit it, you love it.” Sara replied, laughing and reaching out to grasp Ava’s waist, pulling her forward, before the significance of her words dawned in her brain. “I mean-.”

Ava cut her off before she could backpedal her way to safety. 

“Yeah, I do.”

God she might actually love this woman already. Oh, who was she kidding? Might?

“Can I kiss you again?”

Ava nodded and Sara reached up to card her fingers through her hair, before cupping her hand around the back of Ava’s neck, her thumb tracing gently across her cheek echoing her actions from earlier. 

“God, you’re gorgeous.”

Her breath caught in her throat at the way Ava was looking at her, the mixture of awe and seriousness that shone in those grey-blue eyes. It was like no one else existed in that moment--the world stopped at the edges of the flickering pool of fire light. Their lips met for the second time, and it was so easy to melt into it. Into this kiss, into the entire blossoming relationship. Ava rolled onto her back, her hand at the small of Sara’s back, urging the other woman to roll with her, never breaking their connection.

Ava’s hand slipped beneath the hem of Sara’s tank top, fingers glancing over the angry ridges of her scars. Sara sighed against her lips before pulling back from the kiss and dropping her head to bury her face in the taller blonde’s neck, placing another soft kiss against Ava’s pulse point. It would be so easy to just keep going, to place a trail of kisses down, as her hand inched up the soft skin under her shirt, but this was Ava so she wouldn’t, not yet. She couldn’t mess this up. 

“You okay?” Ava murmured.

“Perfect.”

Sara snuggled into her, her head adjusting to rest on her shoulder, her arm and leg slung across Ava’s body. Ava’s arm wrapped around Sara’s back, holding her close, as they huddled in the warmth of the fire talking about everything and nothing until they both drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you as always, for reading. And spoiler alert: Ava keeps those flowers forever.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello all and happy Monday to you! I've been trying to figure out how much longer this story will be. I'm not certain yet but I feel like there is 3-5 chapters left in this particular tale, with the possibility of some follow up one shots. I am so thankful that you all are continuing to enjoy this story. Your kudos, and comments and love are seriously a joy. Here is another light fluffy one for you (but don't worry, there's still some twists and turns to come). As always- grateful to my betas. 
> 
> Enjoy! Xx

Chapter 20

The room outside of the blanket was cold when Ava stirred awake, the fire having died off sometime during the night. Faint morning light filtered in through the windows, and Ava shifted, pulling the down comforter up over her head and burrowed deeper into her pillow. Her pillow which happened to feel a lot firmer than usual. One eye cracked open, and she found herself face to face with the black cotton of Sara’s shirt, her head resting on Sara’s chest, her hand fisted in the material that had been covering her stomach. Her grip had caused the material to bunch up, giving Ava a nice view of pearly white skin, as the sunlight seeped around the edges of her blanket cocoon.

But instead of pulling away like she had the first time she had woken up cuddled up to Sara months before, Ava snuggled closer, content to let her fingers flutter over that expanse of exposed skin to cup Sara’s hip. Her thumb gravitated up under the hem of the tank top glancing over the soft ridge of muscles, and she lifted her head to study the other woman’s face only to find Sara smiling in her sleep.

Snippets from their conversation from the night before played in her mind—the way Sara had played with her hand, their fingers intertwined on Ava’s stomach as they lay talking in front of the fire.

_“I’m in this, Aves. However fast or slow you need, just let me know. I’m not going anywhere, I’m all in.”_

_“Me too. I’m ready. I want this with you.”_

It hadn’t been a dream, far from it. This was tangible. Sara was here with her, and she felt no hesitation, no regrets. She loved Devon, she always would, but she loved a memory, and Sara was very real, lying beneath her, so beautiful, and vibrant, and pained, and broken. So, perfectly imperfect, just like she was. Devon was her past, and God help her and her wholly unpredictable heart, but Sara Lance was her future.

Drawing her bottom lip between her teeth, Ava adjusted her position, propping herself up on her elbow, her other palm still resting against Sara’s stomach as she leaned down to feather her lips along Sara’s neck. The other blonde sighed, shifting slightly in her sleep and Ava grinned to herself before doing it again, pressing a little harder the second time. Still Sara slept, so she swiped a couple long strands of light hair out of the way and peppered lingering kisses from Sara’s jaw line all the way down to her shoulder.

She was taking her time, working her way back up when she felt the sudden intake of breath.

“Ava Sharpe.” Sara’s sleep laden voice husked out and Ava grinned into her shoulder, placing one final kiss before looking up to find Sara smiling back at her.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”

“You never have to apologize for a wake up like that. Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Ava replied, pushing back up so her face was hovering over Sara’s, their mouths inches apart. “I like waking up with you.”

“Me too,” Sara whispered, her hand coming up to tangle in Ava’s hair and urge her down until their lips met, soft, and sweet, and warm in the cool morning air. The kiss grew deeper, and Ava rolled over until her body was lying halfway on top of the other woman. One of her legs came to rest between Sara’s, her left-hand cupping Sara’s jaw, the other tracing soft patterns against her side as Sara’s free hand came up to splay across the small of her back, pulling their bodies flush together.

Sara drew back with a moan, effectively breaking the kiss, and Ava drew in a breath to tease her until she noticed the pained look on the other woman’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s nothing. This is great, the kiss was amazing, I just can’t move.”

Ava pushed back with a start, propping herself up on her elbows to take her weight off the smaller woman. 

“Shit, oh my god. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s not you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It happens sometimes, plus the floor and the cold. I tried to be smooth and flip you, and my back seized up.” Sara huffed out a self-deprecating laugh that quickly dissolved into another groan. “I just need a minute.”

Ava watched as Sara screwed her eyes shut and drew in a deep slow breath, holding it for a second before letting it out.

“I can help. Do you think you can roll over?”

Sara hesitated before giving in and nodding, reaching out her arm. 

“If you help me.”

Ava sat up on her knees and braced one hand under Sara’s armpit and her other on her waist, rolling the other woman toward her until she was face down and helped adjust the pillow under her head, and straighten out her legs.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Sara sighed. “My ego is a little bruised, but it’ll survive.”

“Hey, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Can I touch your back?”

“Yeah, it’s the lower part. The big scar.”

Ava pushed up the hem of Sara’s shirt and sucked in a breath, hoping the other woman wouldn’t hear. She had seen the scattered angry scars before, but not this close. She rubbed her hands together in an attempt to warm them before placing them on Sara’s back, rubbing the giant knot she could feel under her skin. “You okay?”

Sara’s body stiffened but she nodded.

“Just try to breathe.”

Sara nodded again; her jaw clenched, her breath coming in stuttered jolts.

“This doesn’t look like a bullet wound.” Ava stated, looking down at the scar her fingers were currently dancing over, working at the knot in a painful waltz. It would bring relief in the long run, but first, unfortunately, Ava knew it had to hurt like hell.

Sara shook her head, her hands clutching at the pillow, as she answered through her teeth. 

“Shrapnel. The two smaller ones were bullets.”

“You want to talk about it? You don’t have to.”

Sara let out a soft sigh, and Ava felt her back relax a micron. 

“I don’t remember a lot of it. We were headed back to base after a mission. We came under attack, mortar fire. The Humvee rolled. And then they were shooting. My vest took most of it, but they got a couple lucky rounds in. There were three of us. Mick, Leo, and me. Mick made it, he’s the one who dragged me to safety. I think he’s on tour somewhere in Asia now. Leo didn’t.”

Sara paused, lost in the memory.

“He’d been my best friend since boot camp. God, he pissed me off something terrible, took pride in it too. I woke up a week later on Christmas Eve in a hospital in Germany to the news that my best friend was dead and I’d probably never walk again. A year in rehab in Hawaii changed one of those things before I was discharged. Then I spent almost another year driving around the country before I ended up here, with you.”

Ava’s hands, which had paused during Sara’s story, resumed their slow circles across her back, working out inch after inch of tense muscle. 

“I’m so sorry.”

Sara glanced back at her and gave her a sad smile. 

“Me too. I miss him.”

“So, that’s why you asked me to keep the flask for you on Christmas? It’s Leo’s?” Ava asked, fitting two pieces of the Sara Lance puzzle together.

“Yeah, he won it in a card game in Thailand.” Sara let out a small laugh at the memory. “We were on leave and decided to point at the map and go. His mouth almost got us killed, literally. And he just snatched that damn flask off the table, left all the money, and we ran. God we were so young and stupid.”

Ava smiled back down at her, shaking her head. She could almost see it. Her fingers kept a steady pace, working at the tense muscles in Sara’s back until she felt the knot release under her finger tips and Sara moaned in relief, sucking in a deep breath. 

“Damn you’re good at that.”

Ava smirked as her hands moved higher, inching Sara’s shirt up as she went until almost all of her back was exposed, Ava flipped her hair over her shoulder before leaning down to place a line of languid kisses down Sara’s spine, until her breath was ghosting over the scars, making the other woman shiver. She touched her lips to each one before sitting back up on her knees.

“You know,” Sara mused as she wiggled experimentally before rolling herself back over, so Ava was straddling her now bare waist, her shirt bunched just under her breasts, Ava’s hands resting against the plane of her stomach. “If you wanted to get me naked, you just had to ask.”

Ava leaned down, propping one elbow on the ground, and wrapped her other hand around Sara’s waist, flipping them so the shorter woman was on top of her, her hand rubbing lightly over Sara’s scars. 

“I’m asking.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. All in, remember.”

“All in.” Sara echoed as she leaned down, capturing Ava’s lips with her own, and Ava’s arms came up to draw Sara’s tank top over her head.

“You’re beautiful.” Ava whispered, taking in the sight of the woman above her, the crystal blue eyes, the pale skin, covered in a dusting of freckles that were barely visible in the dead of winter. She couldn’t wait to see how dark they would get with the summer sun. She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to where the freckles trailed between the valley of her breasts before slowly kissing back up her chest. She grazed along the side of her neck when she felt Sara’s breath hitch. Their lips met again and Sara’s hands moved to the hem of Ava’s t-shirt this time, drawing up and forcing them to break the kiss to work the cotton fabric over Ava’s head.

Sara sat back as she stared down at her, taking in every inch of freshly exposed skin, and Ava felt the blush work its way from the tips of her ears down her neck to color her chest. 

“So beautiful.”

Ava reached up, cupping the back of Sara’s neck, drawing her down until their lips crashed together and neither of them was worried about the cold.

“You know, I think I might actually be starting to like this rug.” Ava mused, as she relaxed on her stomach, her arms bunching the pillow beneath her head, giggling as Sara nuzzled her nose into her back between her shoulder blades.

“Oh, good to know. It’s now noted that if there is any other home décor you don’t like we just need to have sex on it. How do you feel about the couch?”

“Hate it.”

“My bed?”

“Eh, little small.”

“Your bed?”

“The worst.”

“That chair?” Sara continued, pointing at the overstuffed armchair in the corner.

“Oh, that one I actually like.”

“Oh, thank God, I don’t think my back could handle chair sex right now.” Sara lamented with an exaggerated sigh of relief and flopped dramatically to the floor.

“We’re over 30, I don’t think either of our backs could handle chair sex ever again.”

“Is that a challenge? I feel like that was a challenge.” Sara asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

“A challenge for another day.”

“Fine.” Sara huffed just as Ava’s stomach let out a loud grumble, causing them both to laugh. “Sounds like it’s time for breakfast anyway.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s lunchtime, babe.”

“Really?”

“Really. Come on. We need to bring all the food back in anyway.”

The power had kicked back on sometime during round two, with a cacophony of whirs and beeps to which neither of them had paid much attention at the time.

Ava stood up, pulling her shirt back over her head before reaching down to help Sara to her feet. 

“You good?”

“Great,” Sara replied, wiggling her eyebrows as she pushed up on her toes to give Ava a kiss. “Never better.”

“I meant your back, you goober.”

“So did I.”

They continued to banter back and forth as they rummaged in the mountain of blankets and pillows for the rest of their clothing. Ava carted the bedding back upstairs while Sara adjusted the thermostat and set about resetting various clocks and devices. The job of moving the food back to the refrigerator took twice as long as it should have, though, when Sara ended up backed against the door with Ava’s mouth on her neck. And Ava’s attempt to make lunch was interrupted by Sara’s hands roaming beneath the elastic band of her pajama pants and a lot further south than appropriate while knives and cold cuts were present.

They ended up finally feasting on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in Ava’s bed after stumbling up the stairs, mouths fused, leaving a trail of clothing behind them and their lunch supplies forgotten on the counter, for a spontaneous round three.

It was early evening, the sun already setting by the time they stumbled in through the door to the bar, arm in arm in a love-struck haze to help with any clean up and meal prep. Ray had called mid-afternoon, pleading for all hands on deck to help with dinner since most of the houses outside of the immediate downtown area were still out of power. It had taken them a good two hours to shovel their way down the walk and dig out Sara’s Jeep once they had finally emerged from the house to a thick blanket of snow, their cars buried under a mountain of powder where the plow had pushed it from the streets.

“Pay up. They totally did it.” Nate crowed, wiggling his fingers at Ray, smiling triumphantly as Ray smacked a five-dollar bill in his palm.

“Uh, wait. You don’t know that yet,” Nora chimed in, snatching the bill back from Nate. “They’ve only been on one date.”

“Oh, come on they’ve been dating for months. Plus, look at them, they’re practically glowing, and oh my god, Sara just giggled. Nora, it’s obvious.”

Ava watched Nate reach out to take the money back as she unwrapped the scarf from around her neck, her brow furrowed at their antics. 

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Ray piped up, his eyes going wide, and Nora shook her head at his side. “Absolutely nothing.”

“We were betting on whether you all did it last night.”

“Nate!” The married couple scolded in tandem and Nora reached up to smack him on the chest.

“You’re what?”

“Sex. We had a bet on whether or not you two had sex.”

“Thanks, Nate.” Sara chimed in, rolling her eyes. “We got it.”

“So, did you?”

“We’re not going to tell you that.” Sara groused as she set about pulling chairs off of tables.

Ava shrugged off her coat, draping it and her scarf over a random chair and looked back just in time to see Nora sigh and smack the five dollars back into Nate’s palm.

“What? Sara just said we’re not telling you.”

Nora motioned at Ava’s neck and the blonde reached up, clapping a hand over the offending mark with wide eyes.

“Oops,” Sara replied, shooting Ava a shrug and a smirk, confirming she wasn’t sorry at all.

Ava replied with a mischievous smile of her own as she leaned in to nip at Sara’s lips before strolling across the room on light feet to get to work on the other tables. 

“Next time just aim lower.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all and happy Monday to you. As I said this story is winding down but there are still a couple twists and turns for these two. I hope you have continued to enjoy this story- I can't believe I'm nearing 60k! Thank you as always for reading, and showing your love and thank you to my betas. Enjoy!

Chapter 21

“I need to get up.”

“Five more minutes.”

“You said that five minutes ago.” Ava laughed as Sara snuggled deeper into her side, an arm and leg clinging to her like a vise. “Aren’t you supposed to be helping out with the breakfast crowd today?   


Sara cracked an eye open at that, examining the bright red digits of the clock before flopping back down. “I don’t have to be there until eight.”

“It’s seven twenty-two.”

“See? Plenty of time.”

“Incorrigible.”

“Yeah, but you love me.” Sara responded in a sing-song voice before freezing, her panicked eyes meeting Ava’s equally shocked gaze.

They had been officially together for over a month but neither of them had yet to broach that topic.

“I, uh, I mean…” Sara stuttered, pulling back, but Ava’s hand clamped down on hers.

“Yeah I do.”

“You- you do?”

“I do. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Sara replied, her face splitting in a dopey grin as she stretched up to kiss her girlfriend. Her hand broke free to roam up under Ava’s shirt.

“We still need to get out of bed.” Ava said, breathless as she forced herself to break the kiss. **  
**

“So close,” Sara groused as Ava pulled back and swung her legs out from under the blanket. “Can we at least share a shower? Do our part to conserve water and save the environment.”

“You think we can keep the  _ conservation _ time to fifteen minutes?”

Sara stared at the ceiling in consideration, her fingers tapping on her chest. “I can do that.”

She rolled out of bed and grabbed Ava’s hand, propelling them both toward the en-suite bathroom, dragging a laughing Ava behind her.

Sara was practically humming when she waltzed through the door of the bar, a smile playing at her lips. The same smile that had only on occasion left her face in the past six weeks. It wasn’t perfect, but nothing ever was. They had spent every night for the past forty-four nights (not that she was counting) snuggled up in Ava’s bed together, and it was the best sleep Sara had gotten in years. Yes, she had still awoken in a cold sweat more than once, but Ava’s hand on her chest, her sleepy, settling presence, had helped calm Sara’s erratic heartbeat, her even words lulling her back into the present. Ava had had her rough nights too. Twice Sara had needed to shake her awake from a nightmare, the other woman whimpering and muttering, pained in her sleep.

But, so far, they had worked through it together, and Sara had only needed to coax Ava out of her proverbial corner once. On a day she had gotten home late from the bar and Ava had fallen asleep on the couch, a sappy Hallmark movie playing on the television in the background. Sara had walked in to find her crying in her sleep. Sara had moved to wake her, shaking her shoulder a bit too hard, causing Ava to jolt up, her head knocking into Sara’s jaw.

_ “Shit. Fuck.” Sara ground out, her hand coming up to rub at the throbbing side of her jaw as she used her tongue to check her teeth. _

_ She looked up to meet Ava’s terrified eyes staring back at her in a daze. _

_ “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Sara continued, her hands coming up in front of her to soothe her disoriented girlfriend. “I’m okay. How’s your head?” _

_ “S-sorry.” Was all Ava stuttered out before practically vaulting off the couch and up the stairs. _

_ Sara made her way up the stairs a few minutes later, after forcing herself to loiter in the kitchen, picking at a midnight snack, giving Ava some space to herself before heading up to check on her. _

_ “Ava?” Sara questioned as she knocked lightly on the door to the master suite, poking her head inside to find the room empty. She stepped in and heard the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. _

_ “Aves? Hey, you okay?” She questioned, knocking on the bathroom door, sighing when she received no answer. “I’m coming in.” _

_ Sara pushed open the door, pausing when she saw Ava sitting, huddled in the bottom of the shower, her head buried in her knees as the water cascaded over her. Sara reached up, turning off the water before grabbing and stepping into the shower, wrapping the towel around Ava’s back and sitting on the warm tile floor in front of her. _

_ “Hey.” _

_ “Hi,” Ava replied, her voice strained. _

_ “You want to talk about it?” _

_ Ava shook her head, still not looking up from where her forehead was resting on her knees. _

_ “Okay.” _

_ “I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop? With the time and therapy and you? When will it be enough?” _

_ Sara reached up, threading her hand through Ava’s wet hair, sitting up on her knees so she could press their foreheads together.  _

_ “I don’t know babe, but you’ll get there, we both will. There’s no magic cure, remember?” _

_ “Yeah, but I want there to be.” _

_ “I know. Me too.” _ __

_ They sat together in the shower, listening to drops of water drip down the drain, until the humid air turned cool and Ava started to shiver. _

_ “Come on. You ready for bed?” Sara asked when she finally pulled back and pushed to her feet, holding her hand out to help her girlfriend up. _

_ “Yeah.” Ava sighed, wrapping the towel around her body when she stood. “How’s your jaw?” _

_ “Made of steel.” _

_ “Yeah, I can tell.” Ava replied, rubbing the spot on her forehead where they had collided. _

_ “Oh, she’s making jokes now.” Sara ribbed as she leaned in the doorway, watching Ava towel off. _

_ Ava shot her a small smile.  _

_ “Sorry.” _

_ “You have nothing to apologize for.” _

_ Sara turned and pulled one of Ava’s favorite sleep shirts and a pair of underwear from the dresser drawers, placing them on the bathroom counter before turning back toward the door.  _

_ “I’m just going to go change and brush my teeth and I’ll be right back.” _

_ “Or, you know, you could just bring all your stuff in here.” _

_ Sara froze, turning to face Ava with wide eyes as the other woman wrapped the towel tight around her upper body.  _

_ “What?” _

_ “Well, I mean you’ve been sleeping in here every night for the past month anyway. It seems stupid for you to keep your clothes across the hall, and there’s a whole second dresser I’m not using. So, you know, it would just make sense for you to use it, for your stuff, convenience wise.” _

_ “Ava Sharpe, are you asking me to move in with you?” _

_ “No, I mean, we already live together so I mean, not technically, but yes, I guess so?” _

_ Sara stepped back over to the other woman, rising up on her toes to kiss her lips lightly before stepping back again. _

_ “Okay. Let me go get my stuff.” _

_ “Okay.”  _

It wasn’t perfect but it was perfect enough.

“And what exactly has you waltzing in here ten minutes late and looking so happy. Actually, wait, I don’t want to know.” Nate greeted her when she stepped behind the bar, stashing her bag under the counter.

“Sorry,” Sara apologized for her tardiness and turned to wash her hands. “If you must know Ava told me she loved me.”

“Aw, congratulations. You two are so cute.”

“And then we had sex in the shower.”

“See, that is what I didn’t need to know.”

“Oh please, you’re always asking way too many questions about my sex life.”

“Not because I actually expect you to answer.”

“Well maybe now you’ll  _ actually _ stop asking.”

“Touché. But really, I’m happy for you. You two seem to work well together.”

“Yeah, we do.” Sara allowed the small blissed out smile to spread back across her face as she wrapped the apron around her waist and turned to fix Mr. Pinkerton his usual orange juice with just a “splash” of vodka.

Ava’s head bobbed to the beat on the radio as she drove down the road, navigating them with ease after months of getting to know the town. Winter had been intimidating, but now that the snow was melting and the roads were clearing of ice, she was feeling more comfortable with driving out to the farms alone. She was still taking Sara’s jeep at the other woman’s insistence. Not that she was complaining, her little sedan was not the best equipped to deal with midwestern winters. She really needed to think about trading it in.

As if on cue, her phone rang, startling her out of her thoughts and causing the steering wheel to jerk. She pulled off to the side of the road and leaned over to her bag, her hand fishing around in the front pocket for the offending device.

Pulling it out she frowned at the number and lifted it to her ear. 

“Hello?... Hey Paul, yes, how are you?... It has been a while. … I’m doing well. What’s going on?... When?... Okay. Yes, I understand. Can I call you back tomorrow?... Okay. Thanks, Paul.”

Ava hung up the phone and allowed herself to rest her head against the steering wheel for a moment before sucking in a deep breath and shifting the car back into drive.

She pulled into the driveway of the Anderson Farm ten minutes later, her mind spinning in overdrive from the call. The call which had brought the decisions she had been trying not to think about bubbling to the surface. Time was ticking by and it was only a month until her year-long contract in Starling Falls was up and she would be expected to return to Star City, and the hospital and her life. 

Was that even her life anymore? Or was this her life, here in the middle of nowhere, with Sara and the ragtag group of friends she had gathered along the way? Back in Star City, she had her parents and her apartment and Allie and her other friends. Did she just pack up the rest of her apartment and move to Starling, or did she go back and try to make this relationship work long distance? Did she ask Sara to move with her? Her fist came up to rub at the tightness in her chest. 

She sucked in a calming breath and lifted her phone from her lap, willing her fingers to stop shaking as she tapped in her code and touched the name second to the top of the recent calls list.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Hey. Nothing. I just needed to hear your voice.” Ava replied, melting back into the seat.

“You okay?” Sara’s voice filled with concern, and Ava overheard her tell Nate she would be right back.

“Yeah, yeah, everything is fine. I made it out to the Anderson Farm. Just a little anxiety is all.”

“Driving?”

“No, the drive was fine.”

“You want to talk about it?” Sara’s voice was low, calming, but Ava could hear the edge to it—Sara’s own anxiety creeping in.

“Yeah, I do but not right now with Mrs. Anderson spying on me from the window.” Ava joked, even knowing it would fall flat. “Tonight?”

“Yeah, of course. We’ll talk tonight.”

“Hey, Sara?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Sara let out a sigh and Ava could feel the relief flood through the phone.

“I love you too.”

Ava hesitated on the front porch, her hand resting on the door knob when she arrived home, Sara’s Jeep parked carefully at the curb. She turned, looking down at the red hand prints on the top step of the porch. The same step which had finally stopped creaking after Sara had nailed it into place months before.

She could still see her, Sara standing in front of her in that threadbare jacket and ripped jeans, looking like she hadn’t slept in days. She probably hadn’t, neither of them had.

_ “I was wondering if I could have a look around. I won’t touch anything I swear.” _

Ava smirked at the memory. A lot had changed in five months, for both of them. And there had been a lot of touching.

Focusing back on the present she pushed the door open and stomped her feet on the mat before stepping inside.

“Hey! I’m home.” Ava announced, peering around the corner in time to see Sara shoot to her feet from where she had been sitting at the kitchen table, a seemingly untouched plate of food in front of her. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Hey, I just got home a few minutes ago too. I just heated up some leftovers. You must be starving.” Sara greeted as she walked around the table to the entry, feigning nonchalance, but Ava could see the nervous tell—her fingers played with a thread hanging from the hem of her jacket.

Ava gave Sara a small smile before stepping over to plant a kiss on her lips.

“Yeah, it was a long day. House visits took longer than I was expecting so I got backed up at the office. All I’ve eaten since this morning is a protein bar.”

“I figured when you didn’t come to the bar for lunch.”

Ava gave her another smile before hanging up her coat and turning to wander into the kitchen, Sara trailing behind, her hands shoved in the pockets of her jeans.

“Is everything okay? You sounded off on the phone this morning.”

“Yeah. Everything is fine. Let me just get some food.”

Sara slid back into her chair at the table as Ava dug around in the fridge and pulled out a leftover tray of ziti, dishing up a portion and sticking it in the microwave to heat up.

“I got a call this morning from Paul Novak.” Ava started as she slid into her seat across the table from Sara. She picked up her fork, pushing the noodles around her bowl to help it cool, little billows of steam breaking free.

“Who’s that?”

“The department head from my hospital in Star City.”

Ava reached out a hand at Sara’s sharp intake of breath.

“Yeah,” Ava agreed as Sara’s fingers threaded through hers. “David, the other trauma surgeon there, was offered a position in Boston, so he’s leaving at the end of the month. Paul called to find out about my plans.”

“What did you tell him?”

“I told him I’d call him back tomorrow. I wanted to talk to you first.”

Sara shot her a grateful smile before looking back down at her plate pushing it aside with her free hand.

“You know you have to go, right?”

“Sara—.” Ava protested, shaking her head. That was not what she wanted to hear. She couldn’t— 

“Just hear me out.”

Ava nodded, pushing her own bowl to the side, and reaching out to grasp Sara’s second outstretched hand.

“We both knew this day was coming, even if we didn’t talk about it. I’m not dumb. I know your contract is up at the end of the month.” Sara started, continuing with a single raised eyebrow when Ava moved to contest her words. “And, of course, I selfishly want you to tell him to go screw himself and say to hell with Star City and get a permanent job here, but I know what it’s like to run away from something, someplace. I know what that does to a person, what it did to me, so I think you should go back. Whether you want to stay permanently or move back here later is up to you.”

“Us. It’s up to us.”

“Okay, it’s up to us, but for right now, you need to go. You’d end up regretting it if you stayed here just because you’re afraid to go home.”

“That’s not why I’d stay.”

“Not the whole reason. I know I’m hard to resist, but it would be part of it.” Sara shot her a wry smile and Ava shook her head in response.

“You—,” Ava started to chide the other woman for her impishness before giving up and chuckling at the antics, effectively breaking the tension. “Why do you have to be so logical?”

“It’s one of the reasons you love me.”

“One of the many reasons.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will now go and hide in the corner.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday to you all. I know there is a lot going on in the world right now and I hope everyone is staying safe out there. Thank you as always to all of you for your love and support for this story. There's one or two chapters left and spoiler alert, I finally found a home for Gary in this story! And yes it is winding down, but there are still a couple twists and I am determined to hit 60k before laying this to rest. Enjoy!

Chapter 22

Sara leaned back against the door, causing it to click shut behind her. Her head thumped back against the wood and she closed her eyes. She’d done it. The past three weeks had been a whirlwind but she had done it. She had stood by Ava’s side at the going away party their friends had held for her at the bar. She had helped Ava pack up her clothes and the few other belongings she would take back with her. She had made love to her one last time and she had kissed her goodbye and stood watching as her girlfriend drove away in her little sedan.

Sara had offered to drive back with her, to stay for a while. They had talked about it, but in the end, they had decided against it.

_“I think this is something I need to do alone.”_

_“Ava, when I said you should go back, I didn’t mean you had to do all of it alone. I could at least drive with you, stay for a few days until you’re settled and back at work. I can fly home after a week or something.”_

_“I know, but I also know that I am going to break down the moment I walk across that threshold, and when I do, I’m going to need to be the one to pick myself back up. I have to be the one to pack up all those boxes and find a rental. I need to walk into that hospital and prove to myself that I can do this again, and I can do it back in Star City and not just here.”_

_“This feels like a break up.”_

_“No! Definitely not.” Ava reached out, threading their fingers together. “We’ll talk all the time, Facetime. And just let me get everything settled and find a new place and then you can come spend a week or something. I just…”_

_Sara nodded in understanding._

_“I get it. You need the closure first.”_

_“Yeah” Ava sighed in relief. “Exactly.”_

_“Okay, if you’re sure.”_

_“I’m not. I’m far from sure, but I think it’s the right choice.”_

_“But if you change your mind—”_

_“I know where to find you.”_

_“Damn right you do. I’m not going anywhere.”_

_“I know. You’ll be here, at home.”_

Home.

Sara brought her hand up to rub her eyes, and she slid down until her butt hit the ground, her knees bent up in front of her. She could do this. She could live in the house with all her ghosts as her only company. The tightness started in her chest and she willed herself to have the strength to go upstairs and get her medicine. The world had just started to tilt when her phone started to buzz in her pocket. Fishing it out she cracked open an eye and found herself chuckling at the name on the display.

“Hey.”

“Hey. So, I had an idea about the kitchen.”

“You know you literally just left five minutes ago.”

“Yes, I know. Just hear me out.”

Sara closed her eyes again, letting her head rest back against the door with a smile as she listened to Ava’s voice flood through the speaker describing some intricate geometric back splash she had seen on a home improvement show.

After a few more minutes, the panic having seeped from her body, Sara pushed herself up off the floor and wandered over to the couch, snuggling up in her normal spot. Reaching up, she pulled a blanket down from the back and draped it over her legs as she listened, the side of her head resting against the cushion.

“And then, you know, it would go with the white apron sink you picked out.”

Sara hummed in agreement, content to just listen to Ava’s ongoing ramble. She knew what her girlfriend was doing but she didn’t mind.

“So, then after I started thinking about the tile in the kitchen it led to me thinking about the upstairs bathroom. And I know you think it’s in good shape but the tile is pink, Sara. Pink.”

Sara laughed again. 

“Yeah, you’re right. It could use some updating.”

“Hey, so I’m about to get on the highway.”

“Okay, be safe. Call me when you stop for the night.”

“I will. I love you.”

“I love you too. Oh, and Ava.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for this.”

“Always.”

Sara stared at her phone for a moment after her thumb hit the red button, before letting it fall to her chest. She wished she could say her abandonment issues hadn’t surfaced since Ava had told her about the phone call from her boss, but it would be a lie. The worry that Ava would disappear into the ether the moment she crossed the city limits of Star City still lingered, tugging at the edges of her mind. She just had to have hope that for once it wouldn’t be true.

Ava wasn’t going to leave her too.

Ava strode into the lobby of the hospital with a level of confidence in her steps that she did not feel. Coming back to Star City had been a roller coaster, one she was still riding. Stepping through the doorway of her apartment two days before had been the first free-fall, and now, dressed in a pair of slacks and a blazer she hadn’t donned in the better part of a year, she was walking into the second, her gut already twisting.

_Ava stood staring at the door to her apartment, her bags littering the floor around her. It had been almost a year to the day since she had been here. She should have just packed it all up, listed the apartment on the market, and put everything in storage before going to Starling Falls but she hadn’t been able to do it. She hadn’t been ready to say goodbye, to look toward the future. Now she was about to step through a portal into the past._

_It took three tries to get the key in the lock, her hand was shaking so badly, but she twisted the knob and pushed the door open before she could give it a second thought. She reached her hand up to flick on the light switch on instinct and watched as the space flooded with light. It was like a memory capsule frozen in time. Everything was exactly the same. Allie and her parents had stopped by to collect any straggling mail and make sure there were no leaks or break ins but other than the small stack of bills and flyers on the counter, nothing had changed._

_The same photos were framed on the mantel, the same books were on the shelves. Devon’s favorite throw blanket was draped over the back of the tufted brown leather couch. She could see the collection of DVDs through the glass doors of the entertainment center, the fine layer of dust that had accumulated on the stereo. Someone- probably Allie- had turned the hallway light on for her. Ava stepped further into the room with jelly legs and her throat swelled, tears prickling at her eyes._

_She could do this._

_Her entire body jolted when her phone chimed, the chipper ringtone echoing through the silent room._

_“Hey,” Ava answered as she sank down onto the edge of the couch._

_“Hey, you home yet?”_

_“Yeah, just walked in the door.”_

_“Oh. How are you doing?”_

_“Not great.”_

_“Yeah, I get it. I had a panic attack after I left this place this first day we met.”_

_“It didn’t show. You looked like the epitome of cool.” Ava replied, thankful for the distraction from her own thoughts._

_“Ha! My brain was the complete opposite of calm. Why do you think I ran out of there so quickly?”_

_“Honestly I didn’t know what to think. The ghost of the town wild child had just torn into my life like a tornado.” Ava joked before letting the small smile that had formed on her lips fall away. “I thought you seemed like you were in pain.”_

_“Well, I was. But mostly it was because I didn’t want to lose it in front of a total stranger who was Mary’s admittedly gorgeous friend.” Sara teased, making Ava’s lips tilt up in a facsimile of a smile._

_“Everything is exactly the same.” Ava said after a beat of silence. “I walked in here and it’s like nothing has changed except everything has changed and I don’t know what to do. How do I do this?”_

_Sara’s end of the phone stayed silent. There was no answer to that question._

_“I was wrong. I should have asked you to come with me. I can’t do this on my own, I…”_

_The tears spilled down Ava’s cheeks as a strangled sob caught in her throat cutting off her sentence._

_“Hey. You’re the strongest person I know. You can do this. If you want me there, I will be on the first flight out, just give the word, but I believe in you and I believe you can do this.”_

_Ava nodded, sucking in deep breaths until the tears slowed._

_“I can do this.”_

_“You can do this. How can I help?”_

_“Stay on the phone with me?”_

_“Of course. Let me tell you about my day. So, first, Mary’s book club totally took over the back corner of the bar during the brunch rush. And they were there for hours. I swear, I was about to punch Ray for being so polite but…”_

_It was Ava’s turn to smile as Sara rambled in her ear about everything and nothing. After a few minutes she pushed herself up and gathered her bags from the hall, closing and locking the door behind her. With a sigh she looked around at her apartment that was no longer her home. Tomorrow she would pick up some boxes and call a realtor, but for the night she would just have to spend her time getting reacquainted with her life._

_She walked down the hall to the bedroom, one hand holding her phone, the other dragging her rolling suitcase behind her. She hesitated in the doorway, peering into the dark room before releasing the bag in favor of flipping on the light. A clean stack of linens sat on the foot of the bed. The carpet had been vacuumed, little triangle trails left in the vacuum’s wake, and the smell of cinnamon lingered in the air._

_“You okay? You got quiet.” Sara’s voice filtered through the speaker phone._

_“Yeah, fine.”_

_She was far from fine. She should tell Sara that, but the words caught in her throat and sunk back down to her gut. Two night stands, with matching lamps, two sets of pillows. She placed the phone on her nightstand and hefted the suitcase onto the bed, unzipping it to take out one of Sara’s sleep shirts she had packed and a pair of pajama pants. She stripped out of her travel clothes and shoved them and the rest of her dirty laundry into the hamper before taking her toiletry kit into the bathroom to brush her teeth and scrub two days-worth of driving from her face._

_Picking the phone back up, she grabbed her pillow off the bed along with a fresh case and blanket and wandered back out to the living room and settled onto the couch._

_“You getting ready to sleep?”_

_“Yeah, this day has been exhausting.”_

_“I bet. Do you want to hang up so you can watch something on TV or read a book or something?”_

_“No, just stay on with me please.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“I’m on the couch. I couldn’t sleep in the bed."_ _  
_

_“Oh, babe…”_

_“This is hard, Sara. This is so hard.”_

_“Hey, I know, but you can do this. You have your parents, and Allie, and your friends and co-workers, and you have me. I’m right here.”_

“Dr. Sharpe!”

Ava’s attention shot to the excited yelp that echoed through the hospital atrium, and she couldn’t help smiling at the site of one of her surgery nurses hurrying across the space, his face beaming, through his mop of curly brown hair and bespectacled eyes.

“Hi Gary, it’s been a while.”

“It’s you, it’s really you. I’ve missed you so much. They brought in a temporary replacement since you were gone but it wasn’t the same. He had no sense of humor, and only liked boring classical music in his surgeries.”

“Gary, I listen to instrumental music in surgery too.”

“Yeah but you like the cool modern stuff like Lindsey Sterling not stuffy, boring Mahler. I’m so glad you’re finally back!”

Gary moved in for a hug, causing Ava to step back and hold up a palm, falling into their still familiar dance they hadn’t performed in over a year. 

“Gary, personal space.”

“Right, I’m sorry. I’m just so excited!”

“I’m glad to see you too Gary.”

Gary beamed at her for a long moment before glancing at the clock. 

“Oh! I have to go. I have a surgery but I’ll see you soon. Bye Dr. Sharpe.”

“Bye Gary,” Ava called after him as he scurried off down the hall toward the elevators.

Ava stopped at the coffee kiosk, falling quickly into her old habit of ordering an americano with cream and a zucchini nut muffin, eating it quickly before heading upstairs, coffee clutched in her hand. She navigated halls in a haze of familiarity, and found herself standing in front of her boss’s ajar door sooner than she had anticipated, definitely sooner than she was ready. She reached up, knocking out of courtesy as she pushed the door open.

“Ava, it’s so good to see you.” Paul Novak greeted with a large grin, standing as she entered his office, reaching out a hand to shake hers. “Sit, sit. You look good. I can tell your sabbatical was the right choice. How was- Sterling- was it?”

“Starling. Starling Falls,” Ava replied, failing to ignore the twist in her stomach as he messed up the name of the town that had become an unexpected home, as she settled in the chair, and he sat back down behind the large oak desk. “It was a really good experience. It was rough at first, learning a new place, but I ended up meeting some great people, and definitely enjoyed branching out into some different types of medicine. I can’t say I’ve ever given that many flu shots before, or treated so many _cow-related_ injuries.”

Paul chuckled, leaning back in his chair. 

“I bet. Well I’m glad you enjoyed it, but I am even happier that you are back. I’m sure you’re happy to be back in civilization and ready to jump back in. I know you’ve always hated being away from an operating room for too long.”

“Well, actually I wanted to-.” Ava started, only to be cut off before she could voice her thoughts.

“We brought in a surgeon, Dr. Robert Marshall, on a temporary contract in your absence, as you’re probably aware, and like I said on the phone the other week, Terrence has also taken a position in Boston. But with the lucky timing of your return we’ve extended Bob’s contract to take him on as a permanent position to take over Terrence’s duties here at the hospital. That being said, as you know, Terrence also held a teaching position over at the medical school. I spoke with my colleague there, and we would like to offer you the teaching contract, in addition to your usual duties here.”

“I-.” Ava started again, her mind reeling. She had been expecting to be greeted with hesitation and concern, not an opportunity like this. An opportunity she had been wanting for years.

“I know you expressed the desire to teach when you first started here, but I also know a lot has changed. So, take this,” Paul continued, holding out a manilla folder of papers. “Look it over, reach out to the school, talk to the dean, find out your teaching duties, and get back to me. I believe you’re not back on the schedule until Friday so you have the rest of the week to weigh your options and settle back in. Again, I am so glad you’re back, Dr. Sharpe, and glad you’re doing better after everything that happened last year.”

Ava stood in a haze and took the packet, juggling it and her coffee so she could reach out to shake Paul’s hand once again before turning to walk back out the door. The hallway was thankfully empty and she waited until the door clicked shut behind her before releasing her breath, her eyes wide. The roller coaster hadn’t halted yet. She needed to call her parents and Allie. She needed to call Sara.

She slumped back against the wall. Holy shit. What was she going to do? 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is it everyone. Final full chapter! There will be a short epilogue to follow. This has been an amazing journey, and an extraordinary introduction to this LoT fandom. The support and love this story has received has been overwhelming and I am forever grateful. I am giving myself a little break but hopefully I will be back with a new story soon. Much love to you all and, as always, to my two extraordinary betas. Xx Alex.

Chapter 23

_ I did something crazy. Please don’t hate me. _

Ava froze mid-step, her heart pounding in her chest when she saw the text pop up on her phone. This was it; this was the end. It had been three months, and it hadn’t been easy, but they were making it work, at least she thought they had been. Ava had moved to a new apartment with a flexible lease, and Sara had come to stay for a couple of weeks. Ava worked long hours and hadn’t been home as much as she had wanted when Sara was there, but the other woman hadn’t seemed to mind. Ava had been planning to visit Starling the next week before fall set in and it started to get cold. She had only been able to manage a long weekend off, but it was better than nothing. She was excited, and Sara was excited, at least she had told her as much a couple days before. But now, this.

An image alert popped up under the message and Ava moved to the side of the hallway, and leaned against the bland beige wall of the hospital corridor before opening her phone with shaking fingers.

She blinked, then blinked again.

Another message popped up.  _ Meet Blazer. _

Ava huffed out a laugh, and scrolled back up to the photo, taking in the wide grin on Sara’s face as she smooshed her face against the dark brown and black fur of a fluffy German Shepherd, the dog’s tongue lolling out in an equally dopey grin.

Ava navigated to Sara’s contact information and pressed the FaceTime button, only to be greeted by a deep woof when the video connected.

“Sara! What did you do?” Ava’s eyes flicked up and she waved as a coworker passed where she was standing in the hall.

“I adopted a dog?”

“I can see that! What- where?”

“A buddy of mine from the army was part of the MDD unit--a K9 unit for mine detection--and well, Blazer got hurt on a mission, and he lost one of his back legs, so he had to be retired. My buddy had to go back overseas but he wanted to find a good home, so I said I would take him. Are you mad?”

“Mad? No! Why would I be mad? He’s adorable.”

“I didn’t ask first, and I know these are decisions we should probably make together even though we aren’t physically together at the moment.”

“I- yeah. You’re right they are, but I wouldn’t have had a problem with this one.

_ “Dr. Sharpe, to the ER.” _

“Shit, I’ve got to go. Give Blazer a scratch for me. I love you and I’ll call tonight.”

“Okay, love you too.”

Blazer huffed out another low  _ boof _ as Ava hit the end button, the smile not leaving her face until she pushed open the door to the triage room and caught a glimpse of the patient.

“Hey, buddy.” Sara cooed as Blazer hobbled into the kitchen, his ears twitching and tail wagging. She ducked back under the sink, twisting the wrench one last time to tighten the joint. “There, that should do it. What do you think?”

She shimmied out from the cabinet and pegged Blazer with a questioning look. The dog’s tongue lolled out to the side as he smiled at her and pawed at her foot.

“Yeah, you don’t care at all do you? You just want food. Okay, come on.”

Sara pushed herself up off the floor, groaning as she stretched her back and shook out her legs. She poured a serving of food in Blazer’s new, shining, silver dog bowl and topped off his water before leaning back against the counter and surveying her work. It looked good, she smiled to herself as the dog scarfed down his evening meal. It looked really good. The appliances had been replaced with stainless steel, the cabinets had been gutted and replaced with new, grey, shaker cabinets with soft-close drawers, topped with quartz counter tops. The old, rickety kitchen table had been upgraded to a farmhouse-style one made by a friend of Ray’s, and she had just finished installing the brand-new white apron sink, backed with the backsplash Ava had liked.

“I think she’ll like it, boy. And I definitely think she’ll love you,” Sara continued, squatting down to scratch Blazer between the ears as he snuffled into his bowl. “I mean, she loves me and we’re a lot alike. We’ve both seen a lot and we’re both a little broken. I think you’ll like her too. Though I’m not sure how she’ll feel about you sleeping in the bed when she’s here. I don’t mind because you’re a nice space heater, but I’m just not sure if there will be enough room for all three of us. But don’t worry, I’m going to go today and get you a nice fluffy bed of your very own, and maybe a stuffed animal so you’re not lonely. And I’ll put it right next to my side of the bed, okay?”

Blazer wagged his tail and let out a low woof of approval before butting his nose against her cheek.

“I figured you’d like that,” Sara replied, laughing. “Have you ever had a stuffed animal before? Probably not, it’s not exactly military protocol. But don’t worry, you’re retired now, we both are.”

With a sigh she straightened up and stretched her back. 

“Okay, let me go shower and change and then we will go to the store and the park.”

Blazer lay down at the bottom of the stairs, resting his head on his paws, and kept a watchful eye as she ascended to the second floor. Sara paused as she passed the door to Laurel’s room, the faded, torn stickers staring back. Slowly she reached out and twisted the knob, letting the door drift open. It was exactly the same as it had been months before when she and Ava moved the bed to the back bedroom. A small dresser stood against the wall, the floral wingback chair in the corner. Shaking her head, she reached out and grasped the doorknob for a second time, pulling it shut. Almost but not yet.

Sara sipped her coffee as she watched Blazer sniff his way around the dog park. The August air had been stifling all week but the heat was beginning to break as the sun set. Sara placed the cardboard cup on the bench next to her and pulled her hair up, twisting it in a messy bun at the nape of her neck. The hair band was snapping into place when her phone started vibrating in her pocket and Sara glanced back up at the German Shepherd spotting him across the park eyeing a black lab.

“Hey babe,” She greeted with a smile as she put the phone to her ear.

“Hey.”

The weariness in Ava’s voice had Sara sitting up straight. “You okay?”

“No, I’m not.”

“What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I’m not going to be able to make it this weekend.”

“Oh, okay.” Sara replied, her heart sinking in her chest. “It’s fine, I mean, I understand. Maybe next weekend, or the week after?”

“Yeah, um, there’s something else. I had a surgery today, right after we talked. Multiple gunshot wounds.”

“Yeah, I remember. You were paged.”

“Yeah. Well, I got to the ER and it was a kid.”

“Oh, babe.”

“He was fourteen, and I couldn’t save him.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Silence spilled over the line and Sara was about to question her girlfriend- whether she was okay, had her PTSD flared up, did she need her to be there with her- when Ava’s voice came through again, quieter this time.   


“I quit.”

“What?”

“I was sitting there after telling this family that I couldn’t save their son, their baby boy, and I realized that this isn’t my life anymore.”

“Babe, are you sure? You had a bad day.”

“Yes, I’m sure. I did it, I came back. I packed up the apartment, and packed up Devon’s things. I went back into that OR. I proved to myself that I could do it, but I also realized that while I can do it, I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I want to be there with you, and our friends, and yes, I still want to be able to do surgeries, and to teach, but there are hospitals and universities near Starling Falls. I don’t want to work sixteen-hour days and come home to an empty apartment. I want to have a life and to come home to you. Sara?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m ready to come home.”

Sara breathed out a sigh of relief, the tension she hadn’t realized she had been holding for the past three months draining from her body at the words.

“I’m ready for you to come home too.”

“Oh, and one more thing.”

Sara could hear Ava’s wince through the phone, causing her reply to come out with hesitation.

“Yeah?”

“I may have adopted a stray too.”

“Like a cat?”

“Like a Gary. He’s one of the nurses. I told him I could use his assistance at the clinic. I’m pretty sure he’s packing his bags as we speak.”

Sara burst out with a laugh. 

“Just- he’s not going to be living with us, right?”

“God, I hope not.”

Sara shook her head at Ava’s indignation, and leaned forward to give Blazer a scratch when he ambled up to sit beside her, continuing to listen to Ava as she changed the subject.

“So, I told Paul I’d stay through the end of the month, and help interview the replacements so that’s why I can’t come this weekend.”

“It’s fine. I mean, I miss you, and I can’t wait for you to be home, and to meet Blazer but I get it and you’ll be here soon.”

“Yeah, I will. Sara?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Ava hefted one final box into the back of Sara’s Jeep, and slammed the door shut just in time to see Blazer trot around the corner, her girlfriend in tow.

“You ready?” Sara called, as she waited patiently for the German Shepherd to mark one final tree. 

“Yep! That was the last of it.” When it came down to it, Ava had noticed she didn’t own too many possessions. She wasn’t taking any of the furniture. She had sold her little sedan with the intention of buying a sturdier, more winter-friendly vehicle once they were back in Starling, and Devon’s belongings had been split up between Allie and their parents, leaving Ava with just a box of sentimental objects and memories from their years together. Beyond that it was clothes, books, pictures, and a few odds and ends, and of course her computer, and important papers. Everything else had been donated. It was strange how little life came down to in the end, beyond the people and the memories. “I just need to do one final walk-through and turn in my keys.”

“Sounds good. Let me just get Blazer in the car. Do you want me to come up with you?”

“No, I’m fine. You stay here and keep our boy entertained.”

Sara and Blazer shot her matching dopey grins and Ava shook her head as she laughed at their antics. Oh, she was in trouble with those two. She rounded the stairs up to the second floor and pushed open the door to her temporary apartment, making sure to check every room and open all the drawers and cabinets before nodding in satisfaction. She dug her keys out of her pocket and locked the door, the click resonating through the hall. 

Endings were weird. Sometimes you saw them coming. This was the last time she would ever set foot in this apartment. Two days before had been the last time she would ever operate in Star City. Other times, you did something for the last time without knowing it. She hadn’t known that fateful morning would be the last time she would kiss Devon goodbye. She certainly hadn’t known that the moment before Sara had walked into her life would be the last time she would be truly alone.

And this end, while it was sad to be leaving her life in Star City as a memory, was also a beginning of something special. Something that had the potential to be extraordinary. She placed her keys in an envelope, dropped them in the apartment complex dropbox, and skipped around the corner to where the Jeep was idling.

She hopped in the passenger seat and tugged the door shut behind her, only looking up once she had adjusted herself to sit comfortably and clicked her seatbelt into place.

“What?” She asked when she turned to find Sara smiling at her.

“Nothing, just that you’re cute. You ready? We can make it a few hours before we have to stop for the night.”

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go home.”

“Oh, one more thing.”

“What?” Ava asked, smiling as she tangled her fingers with Sara’s where they were resting on the center console. 

“I finally fixed the damn kitchen sink.”


	24. Epilogue

Epilogue

Ava’s hand slipped into hers, their fingers threading together, as Sara stared at the door. “You ready?”

Was she ready? The short answer was no. It had been a year since Sara had walked back into the house, sixteen years since she had barged through the very same door she was staring at now and found her sister. She would never be ready, not for this.

“No, I’m not, but it’s time.”

“Okay, but if you need a break you tell me. This doesn’t have to be done today, or even this year.”

Sara nodded, the understanding in Ava’s voice calming her frayed nerves, even as the corner of her mouth twitched up in a smile. The holidays were fast approaching, prompting their need to curate a livable guest room. “You say that now, but I’m not going to be the one to tell your parents they need to stay at that motel again this year. God knows Starling Falls isn’t exactly known for its five-star accommodations.”

Ava let out a light laugh before cocking her head at the door, and at Sara’s confirming nod, reached out to turn the knob, allowing the door to swing open.

Sara sucked in a breath before stepping across the threshold. It was just a room. Four walls covered in faded floral wallpaper, a closet, and some dingy furniture Ava had picked up at the thrift store. It wasn’t  _ hers _ anymore. There was nothing of Laurel left in those walls other than her memory. Sara’s fingers clenched around the putty knife in her fist, and Ava’s hand squeezed at her other palm in reassurance.

She could do this.

Without another word Sara sank to the floor in front of the door and got to work scraping the faded stickers and residual glue from the wood, as Ava stepped further into the room armed with a roll of blue painter’s tape. The room didn’t need much, just some TLC and a new bedroom set.

_ “What about fate? _ _   
_

Ava’s question from months before suddenly echoed in her memory.

_ “What?” _

_ “Do you believe in fate- that things, even bad things- happen for a reason?” _

_ No. She wanted to shout the single word across the room, scream it from the top of her lungs so that the whole cosmos could acknowledge her view. No there was no fate, there was no rhyme or reason to the chaos of the universe. No reason that bad things happened to good people. Instead she cleared her throat.  _

_ “Things happen, whether they’re good or bad can only be determined in retrospect.” _

_ Ava stared at Sara, her brow furrowing at the unexpected answer. _

_ “Who said that?” _

_ Sara shrugged, finally turning so she was facing Ava, her lips tilting up in a tight smile.  _

_ “No clue. But I heard it somewhere and I could never forget it.” _

Sara paused in her work to watch Ava diligently stretch the blue tape across the baseboards. The leak, her family dying, were bad. There was no doubt about that. Her running away, joining the military, the mortar attacked that had then ended her military career, those events were more gray. If any of those things hadn’t happened, she wouldn’t be here now. She and Ava probably would never have met, at least not under circumstances that had led them to this moment. All that hurt, that loneliness, that loss, had led her here.

Ava stopped her methodical work to rip off two shorter lengths of tape and used them to section off the space around the etching of the canary on the baseboard, causing Sara to smile.

“This is it. This is the last room.” Sara mused as she sat back, spinning on her butt to lean back against the door and stare at her girlfriend where she sat cutely dressed in leggings and an oversized flannel shirt across the room, her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail.

“Hmm?” Ava hummed out the wordless question as she looked at Sara from the far corner of the room. 

“Everything else is done. After this, it will be like a whole new house.”

“Not new.” Ava replied **,** the roll of tape falling to her lap as she turned, and folded her legs in front of her, mirroring Sara’s position. “Fresh paint, and new appliances won’t erase the history, the memories. But maybe it will help make it whole again.”

Sara nodded in consideration, her eyes locking with Ava’s for a long moment before turning back to her task. That was right.

Fate was a fickle thing—when she had come back, she hadn’t been looking for home. “Home” had been a concept that she had abandoned a long time ago, but somehow, somewhere along the way, home had found her instead. She, Ava, this house—they made each other whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. Thank you so much for the love you've shown for this story. When I first started this story, it was with the idea that there were three main characters in this story- Sara, Ava, and the house, and that the work on the house would parallel their relationship. So, it was only fitting that the story would come to a close only once the house was finished too. Until next time- Alex.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to you all for reading and for all your amazing kind words and kudos. I apologize for not responding to all of your comments, but know I cherish them all and am so happy to know what you are loving about this story.


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